MY WAR ON LEAVES
Y'all have to watch out for leaves! They're very tricky! When y' all not looking, they sneak up on y'all from behind. I've devoted the rest of my life to the removal of all these evil leaves. No, not the ones still in the trees, they're the good ones! It's the ones on the ground, lying there doing nuthin all the time. Bunch of good for nothing freeloaders, I say. They should all go out an get a job! Just laying there being all "leavey"an' shit! Its time for you to LEAVE, LEAVES! Fuck you, leaves! Kill em with fire, a'h say!
That's why everyday, a'h suite up with rake and wheel barrel in hand and go forth to do glorious combat on the battlefield (lawn). A'h shall not rest until all them leaves are banished from my propertah! As the great philosopher, Samuel L. Jackson once said "I'M TIRED OF ALL THESE MOTHERFUCKING LEAVES ON MY MOTHERFUCKING LAWN!"
I know in my heart, eventually, I will be victorious in all my struggles with the overwhelming horde of leafy invaders! Well, until next fall…at least!