Someone I never really get over of,
I hope you are good and time is treating you right. I hope you still love the color green like you used to and you still like your coffee as strong as before. I don't know why, but I think that it will give me a sense of closeness even after all this time just to know that you are still you, just a bit different.
I never knew that love could be like this. I never thought that it will be so hard to get you out of my mind, out of my life. Is it supposed to be hurting this bad? Isn't love supposed to be butterflies and pink cheeks? Well, What do I know?
I guess, it wasn't your fault. It never was. I was the one who fall. But then again, it wasn't mine either. I don't think anyone can know you, can understand the rhythm of your heartbeats and not fall in love with you. Trust me, I tried to stop myself.
I never really regret falling for you. It was a privilege to know you from this close, to see your dreams and to hear your thoughts. I knew I was setting myself up for pain as I was looking at you just laughing and smiling up at the sky. I knew that you are too deep to resurface from and I never learned how to swim anyway. But I can't help it. I loved the stars and sky and I find them in your eyes and the things you talk about.
My only regret is that I never get a chance to tell all of this to you. I can't imagine that when I'll be old and dying, I would have this ache that I didn't even tell you, that one of the most important thing of my life was left unsaid. And not just to see if you'll return my feelings or not, but just to let you know that you've been loved by me in ways that I never even thought are possible. I will regret that I didn't give you the simple sense of satisfaction of knowing that there was someone who want to know about your day, your wishes, your fears and the things that put you at ease.
But if I'm being honest with you, I don't think my heart can handle what your feelings are for me. Your 'Yes' and 'No' both would've killed me. Your 'Yes' from happiness, and 'No' from heartache. Because I loved you so much that I turned you into a figment of my fantasy, someone who's now living in my heart, my words, these pages and my dreams, someone that I just can't have. You'll always have a special place in my life. Because it's inevitable, our life is interwined with beautiful stories and lots of memories. I wish I get a chance to get to know you again, to fall in love with your beautiful heart just to have mine broken one more time. Sometime it gets too hard to not call you just to hear your voice. But I guess I have to stop hoping for things that will never happen. I wish things were different, I wish I was brave, but most of all I wish you all the happiness of this world and another, whether it has me in it or not.
You deserve everything beautiful you can imagine and I was the reality that no one wanted.
Someone, you probably don't remember.