764 posts
  • not_irl 12w

    *Purely fiction*

    Domestic abuse is a serious matter and I mean to offend noone. In the contrary, I strongly support seeking help when needed for actions that should not be tolerated.

    @writersnetwork @writerstolli #writerstolli #domesticabuse #abuse #sad #family #father #depression

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    For one moment I was silent.
    For one second I felt calm.

    Took a breath to prepare myself
    For this raging storm.
    This fury you were about to unleash.
    That well known foe.
    That old enemy,
    This vendetta you created between me..
    And myself.

    So, go on.
    I'll stay still like a rock.

    For that moment I was calm.
    I heard my screaming at your beating..

    But father, don't fool yourself.

    I am silent.
    For now.

  • littlebird31 12w

    Tell me something true.

    Come on, tell me something true.
    Lies flow from your mouth in shades of red.
    I've seen the messages between you two.
    And I didn't want to believe it, which is why it was so easy to make me look crazy.
    It took a while for the smoke to clear from my hatred.
    But now that I can see clearly, you really broke a promise to me.
    I want to tell you of the landmines in my head but you have this way of making me feel like it's all my fault.
    Maybe that's why you like her more.
    Because she's fearless, I'm extraordinarily broken and you could careless.
    My childhood is catching up with me and I'm trying to hold myself in one piece but I'm starting to think this isn't me.
    I feel like I need to kill myself and put her to rest and start over on a brand new chance.
    See, whoever I was meant to be never got to come out, so I want to clear those dead abused flowers now.
    But fear is a hard thing to beat and I'm sorry dear, it's just not going to be that neat.
    See, I need to bleed and fester and puss.
    Maybe then I can let go of this stuff.
    So while I'm already bruised, bleeding and blue, come on, tell me something true.

  • kearstin 12w

    Sweet Lies - I wrote this poem on a receipt at work whoops.
    What's the piece you're most proud of?
    #lies #relationships #abuse #lying #depression #sadpoem #poetry

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    Sweet Lies

    Whisper sweet lies to me
    The ones you know I like to hear.
    For the truths you speak are too sour
    For these naive, gentle ears.

  • diwa_diwa 12w

    It's interesting, isn't it? Sometimes, the victim doesn't know when abuse happens that they think they're being loved, even whilst they're being used. Something so beautiful doesn't always mean it is.

    Please check on Stockholm Syndrome and the varied intricacies of abuse to better understand this piece. ❤️

    #Crumbled_Rainbow #Stolkholm_Syndrome #diwa
    #pod #abuse @allbymyself @kairos_ @mirakee @writersnetwork

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    "Crumbled Rainbow"

    There's a bow of varied hues,
    Each time we say hello.
    It coruscates with dazzling shades;
    There's red and orange
    Whilst yellow and green follow, too.
    We frolic and dance like children,
    Until the sky turns blue and indigo.
    My world's filled up with colors,
    Even whilst you bid me adieu.
    I await the anticipated morrow,
    As I trust you'll visit me soon.
    I caress the fading mementos--
    Maps of violet, peppering my skin.
    You arrive each pleasant morning--
    With gifts of flowers, gold, and dreams.
    Another bout of iridescent rainbows
    Begin spicing up my complete being.
    Yet, you tell me that you're leaving
    And sounds of crashing starts unfolding--
    Beneath my withered eyes,
    A mirage of beauteous scarlet spreads.
    Now, someone commences
    Some insistent shouting--
    Until everything else feels like black;
    Then, there's nothing.

  • amami_coca 12w

    Shredded Roses

    Carefree caresses and mischievous smiles
    Blissful adventures last only awhile
    Darkened eyes and molded fists
    Beautiful nightmares begin to exist

    Prodding veins in building blind rage
    My drama king takes center stage
    With feathered kisses and Mayweather blows
    Our torturous foreplay starts the show

    Weak knees collapse in fear and pain
    Fragile body drenched in tearful rain
    Thunderous slaps kiss my pampered jaw
    Crimson red softly collides with the floor

    My mouth gagged, to muff my screams
    My mind repeats, "It's just a dream"
    The lash of the belt on skin, I feel
    Silences my mind saying, "This is real"

    On freezing marble tiles, unclad, I lie
    As darkness slowly clothes my eyes
    Your weight presses against my hind
    Lengthy shaft plunges from behind

    My body, I feel, struggle against you
    My hands shoot out aiming to maim you
    But my head, you smash onto the bare floor
    My insides, you ripe apart wanting more

    In me you spill, your sickening spasm
    A sinister smile precedes your hellish orgasm
    Death, I crave in a zillion dozes
    My body, stings from our shredded roses


  • faceless_friend 12w


    When would i stop blaming myself for all the bad happening around me........


  • survivingisalwaysanoption 12w


    Many a night,
    I reeled against myself
    Because of you.
    You who claimed to love me.

    So many screams
    Traversed the phone
    Until ungodly hours of the morning,
    And it was all on me.

    The problem always seemed
    To be with me.
    Whatever I felt,
    You never helped or tried to validate.

    You left me
    In a sea of my own tears,
    But you'd always
    Be back for more.

    Make me bruise.
    Make me bleed.
    You would if you could have,
    But you wouldn't admit to that!

    How you drove me
    To purest, flaming insanity!
    How much sweeter I thought
    Must be the lips of death!

    I had foolishly laid
    Hopes for my future on you!
    But every time something went wrong,
    You'd always blame me.

    Should I have ever perceived
    Our reality to be something
    Than what you believed it to be,
    I was always wrong.

    You could never take any blame!
    And every time I'd try,
    You'd say that I was trying
    Every time to pin it on you!

    It was always on me!
    You'd never feel my pain.
    You just took advantage of me!

    How I wish I could
    Go back in time
    And punch you in the face!
    Beat you to a pulp!

    Maybe you'd learn something then.
    Given the right motivation,
    Someone can turn just as strong
    As their worst weakness.

    I may have built myself up
    To being the strong, independent woman I am today,
    But that's no thank to you.
    The choice was all me.

    Try and take some credit.
    I'm sure you would
    If I even let you speak,
    But surely, there must have been a better way!


  • 4w_n_c 12w

    This Has Become My Life

    How can one love Autumn
    yet hate change so much?
    Leaves brush my cheek
    as they fall to the ground,
    but I'm to busy whiping
    the tears from my face to
    see any beauty. The crunching
    of dead leaves is drowned out
    by painful the memories that are
    being unearthed. I'm sorry I can't
    keep holding myself together.
    This isn't my life.

  • 4w_n_c 12w

    Next time just step on me.
    It's a lot less terrifying.
    This relationship would work out
    so much better if you would just break my face already.

  • jadajennings 13w


    maybe Heaven isn't home for me,
    but neither were you or Malibu.

  • ruined_colors_and_oxygen15 13w

    I wanted to destroy the fucker. For the longest time,

    Every monster had your face. Every beast had your wretched hands

    Every. Single. Eye.

    Had the lifeless color that yours had.

  • itz_rraine 13w

    Lamentations Of A Girl Child

    I put on the facade of smiles to hide the bruises
    How many years would it take to get over the pain?
    It been one month and two days far from the night my body was used against my will
    Behind the facade of innocent smiles lies the heart of a broken soul
    Abused there I have been
    The scars are still clearly seen
    I still feel fresh hate for the one I called friend
    Why am I weak I asked myself?
    I lost the strength to fight when he threatened to take life away from me....
    My body hasn't recovered fully from the force
    My pride is gone and i'm left with shame
    I wonder how many girls have suffered the way I have because life gave us less opportunities
    The days were hard,nights were cold I had nowhere to go he took advantage of that..
    Is he human or a beast??
    Misshapen confused for I realized the continuous hurt I suppress
    How many smiles must I fake,before I stop trying to seek happiness beyond this pain

  • zuruzuu 13w

    : spl;nter :

    your razor words tear / from between soft l;ps
    your gentle touch wounds / r;pped seam / blood dr;ps
    you tug on heartstr;ngs / unt;l they fray
    you stop at noth;ng / ;ncomplete / get away

    (a thousand reflect;ons framed ;n th;s shatter
    a m;ll;on ;mperfect;ons ;n every fracture)

    ;s anyth;ng r;ght / ;s ;t ever enough
    between hurt and control and act;ng tough
    wrapped ;n the bluff of another dead l;e
    trapped ;n the mask, can't seem to let ;t d;e

    do ; try to escape / from your ;nsecure rule
    do we ever relate / do you see what ; do
    do you even know why / why you ch;ll us both through
    ; won't become you
    ; can't become you


    your laugh r;ngs h;gh / glass shatters off key
    you sm;le ;n the m;rror / cracked gr;n / eer;e
    you count your bless;ngs / such a thorny bouqet
    you shr;ek when you s;ng / broken down / get away

    (a thousand reflect;ons framed ;n th;s shatter
    a m;ll;on ;mperfect;ons ;n every fracture)

    ;s anyth;ng wrong / anyth;ng st;ll bad
    ;n the maelstrom of fearful and angry and sad
    all ; had left ;ns;de turned to ashes and dust
    all you hadn't den;ed burned away w;th my trust

    do ; try to escape / from your ;nsecure rule
    do we ever relate / do you see what ; do
    do you even real;se / what you put us both through
    ; won't become you
    ; can't become you


    (a thousand reflect;ons framed ;n th;s shatter
    a m;ll;on ;mperfect;ons ;n every fracture)

    ; won't become you / ; can't become you

    (a thousand reflect;ons framed ;n th;s shatter
    a m;ll;on ;mperfect;ons ;n every fracture
    a b;ttersweet reject;on borne of cold empathy
    a spl;ntered face stares from the m;rror at me)


  • barlina 13w


    Oh the word scares her,
    As her shoulder feels heavy.
    She feels the air getting lighter,
    Or her lungs filled with smoke that can't be emptied.
    Oh she can't find the reason;
    As she looks for it.
    But it was hidden in many or in void,
    Yes it remains untouched by her curious mind;
    But not by her untold pain.
    Oh more she tries to be steady,
    More the ground shakes.
    More her smile fades away,
    More her eyes awaits.
    Oh she be the living star,
    As her rays created her own shadow;
    As happiness created her own sorrow.
    She looked deep within to perceive,
    All she needed was a few blank sheets of paper and her blue ink.

  • gayzebraz 13w

    Shit City: An Introduction

    CONTENT WARNING: abuse/sexual abuse

    It feels as though talking about the important things is getting more difficult for me.  I can talk about some of it, sure. But some is just as deep, dark, and hidden as it always has been.

    It is very difficult for me to talk about my sexual abuse.  People usually expect that that’s a difficult thing to talk about.  But for me, it’s like admitting my own guilt. It’s like entering back into that living room with the ugly, puke-green curtains pulled shut.  

    I don’t know if I’m ready to write about the actual abuse that took place.  I think that will come with time, and currently I’m unsure how writing it out would be beneficial to me.

    I am ready to share some of my feelings regarding the abuse, however.  I’ll start with a list, as I love using lists for complicated things.

    Alex’s Feelings about her Abuse


    The fear is residual.  It is the fear I get every time someone comes too close; the fear I feel when a man (and sometimes women) makes a comment.  You know the comments (hey baby girl, I’ll see you soon, etc.). The inner child inside me continues to feel afraid, sometimes with nothing to trigger the fear.  At least seemingly nothing.


    Simply put, I feel like I could have stopped it.  I know I fought him physically a lot, and sometimes it would work.  But I also know I sought him out sometimes, as my own sexuality was burgeoning.  I sought HIM out. Not explicitly, but I felt (and still feel) wrong for the fact that it felt physically good for my body.  I knew it was wrong, I knew I shouldn’t feel the way I did, but I did. I still feel this guilt. I still have sexual thoughts about my abuser (as my therapist helped me clarify, these are thoughts, not an actual attraction).  I still get aroused with thoughts of my abuse.  I still feel abnormal. I still feel like I’m a ‘wrong’ person. I still can’t have what I think of as a ‘normal’ sexual relationship, because it is a) hard for me to get aroused a lot of the time and b) the sexual abuse thoughts almost always accompany sexual activities.  I hope that someday I will feel normal.


    Abuse is something that can understandably make anyone sad.  I am sad for the child that experienced this for years. I’m sorry that there was no adult that you felt like you could go to for help.  I’m sorry that you bore this weight alone. I’m sorry that mom was gone and couldn’t help. I’m also sad that my abuser must live with the guilt of this act.


    I know, this is a weird one.  How on Earth could I empathize with my abuser?  The one who hurt me, physically and forever emotionally.  But I really can empathize. He was young (not quite 4 years older than me), and he had lost his mother, too.  He knew it was wrong, but did not know how to control his feelings. He likely didn’t know how to stop himself from his actions.  He was likely using drugs. So, in the end, he was almost as (if not as) vulnerable as me. And he has had to live with his own guilt, for all these years.  He just recently apologized: bawling on the phone, repeatedly saying he was sorry for all the things he did. I told him it was ok, that I had had my therapy to work on it.  I was unaware that I would be continuing my journey processing this abuse.

  • myinnerchaos 13w

    Every touch of yours
    Felt like fire touching my skin
    And Every time you looked at me
    Your gaze lingered on my body
    I could see pure lust
    In those eyes of yours
    Every time our gazes locked
    A part of me shuddered with disgust
    And my skin crawled with rage and need
    To stay as far away
    As I possibly can
    I was scared to let anyone know
    Of all those things that you did to me
    'Cause I figured that no one
    Would evee believe me
    Since all you were supposed to be
    Was the most kindest and humble member
    Of the family .
    Why would someone
    Take my word over yours
    And why would they even
    Accuse you of such a big crime
    With no solid proof
    That it ever even happened
    You with all those other monsters
    Ruined my childhood
    And cursed me to live
    A life full of misery
    A life where i loathed
    My very existence
    A life where i don't matter
    In my own bloody eyes
    You need not worry
    Your dirty little secret was safe with me
    For far too long
    And it felt like
    Time was slipping away
    The more I kept my mouth shut
    I was the only one
    Who saw the real you
    The monster
    Which now and then
    With just one look
    Tried hard to scare me away
    Blades and knives
    Became the best friend of mine
    While every cut left a scar
    While every cut bled
    I felt at peace
    That physical pain t
    That i brought upon myself
    Felt less painful
    Than the emotional trauma
    I was going through
    Because of you
    I woke up one day
    And everything stopped
    The feelings stopped
    The emotions numbed
    But the pain never did
    After all that happened
    I felt emotionally drained
    And numb
    Yet one thing remained with me
    The scars which once numbed the pain
    Now reminded me of everything you did
    And how weak I felt
    Compared to you
    But as it turns out
    I was wrong all along
    For there were people who cared
    And there are people who I can trust
    For there is always hope
    To start afresh.

    #monster #pain #fear #rage #everytouch #fire #pained #damaged #anewbegining #lastbreath #hope #afresh #feelings #hurt #scarred #bladesandknives #friend #lost #unbearablepain #ihateyou #family #abuse #lust #lustfullgaze #realyou #themonster #poetry #poet #poetrycommunity #poetsofmirakee @poetrydelivery @poetsofthemind @poet_on_fire @mirakeeworld @abused @scarred_soul

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  • clarasage 13w

    How Do You Feel

    How do you feel when you look at me
    Through your computer screen
    When you know I'm not ready
    And you know I'm not comfortable
    How do you feel knowing I'm way underage
    How do you feel when I cry from the pressure
    How do you feel when you watch me slip
    Into numbness and depression
    From what I do for you
    How can you tell me to touch myself for you
    How can you ask me to pleasure you
    Just because it's not in person
    Doesn't make it any less real
    How can you make me
    With your age of 29 and mine of 14
    How can you do that
    When I was assaulted you still made me
    You preyed on every weakness I had
    How do you feel when you watch me dance around for you
    How do you feel when you tell me to take off my clothes
    When you see my body littered with cuts and scars
    How do u feel when you say "aw come on do it for daddy"
    How do you feel when you send me pictures of your dick
    How do you feel when I cry looking at them
    How do you feel when you make me ill from stress
    How do you fucking feel when you see the light drain from my eyes
    When I do adult things I shouldn't even know about
    How do you feel when you're the reason
    the reason I'm numb
    The reason I cant feel anything good or bad
    The reason I'm distant from my family
    How do you feel knowing you're manipulating me
    How does it fucking feel to know I'm done with you now
    How does it fucking feel when I block you
    What goes through your head when you go out of your way to find me again
    How does it feel


  • conciselyabide 13w

    My poetry is personal and oddly specific, and I like it that way.
    Also, I am in fact purchasing a 16 inch tall BJD (that's a ball jointed doll) to double as both a photography prop and a highkey coping mechanism to care for something as a stand-in for myself in the past. It's cathartic.
    #rambling #bjd #bjds #dolls #tw #abuse #abusement #creativity #imagination #escapism #coping

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    A Companion Like Glass

    Sometimes, where I find respite,
    My fixation is a gift.
    As I wait at the door for my package to arrive,
    My mind is set ablaze with beautiful memories
    I will soon be able to create.
    How is it
    That something so simple,
    So small and material as a doll,
    Is able to bring such joy to my troubled mind, my anxious body, and my restless soul?
    I've always been an imaginative boy.
    As a child, my creativity stood out above the rest.
    It was a blessing and a curse
    As my life began to roughen-
    I've never had an easy time-
    It fueled my anxieties,
    Of fists like sandpaper
    And fingers like glass.
    And yet,
    My mind was my escape.
    Imaginary friends danced round my head,
    And I gave life to my bears
    And to my dolls.
    Growing up, my dolls had names and personalities,
    I gave them thoughts and feelings.
    They provided for me love,
    And I blew into them
    A soul.
    Here we are again,
    A boy sitting on his heels
    As he waits for his toy to come in the mail.
    A doll he could create again,
    Both in its mind and body,
    A doll like himself in some ways.
    Perhaps it's therapeutic
    To make a doll
    Like one's younger self,
    And make it so the doll was healed
    With the comfort
    And worthiness
    Its owner was never awarded,
    And perhaps this is just the ramblings of a young man
    Sprouting out from the pieces of a broken child.

  • iinked_mistake 13w

    Ashamed of Me

    Something is wrong..
    I've laid here staring at the ceiling for far too long
    I don't know where sleep ran off to
    Headphones pounding
    It's 3am
    And I've never felt more awake and exhausted
    My skin is restless and wanting to crawl off my back
    My hands can't stay still and keep sliding under the blankets
    My body isn't responding
    My brain is hungry
    Lusty and searching
    Why am I still alive
    The songs keep running through my ears
    I'm trying to close my dilated eyes
    But my soul is wrestling with the lies
    Countlessly told over the last few years
    And I don't want my house of cards to collapse around me
    I don't want anyone to see me
    Small and ugly
    I'm pretending
    But the last curtain call is past
    And the show is ending

    I'm distracted
    I feel like my brain is full of dumb
    Stupid and numb

    Eating disorders

    Can we talk about all this combined with my weird personality
    You want to know the real me?
    Okay so here in my reality
    I hear the voices
    Sometimes I can't make my own choices
    Sometimes I forget my own name..
    I rely on other people to remember how old I am
    Because most days I feel 92 instead of 29
    And truth be told
    I feel a clutching dread that
    It will only get worse

    I am ashamed of who I am
    I am afraid of everything I become

    Could you please stop breathing
    I can hear your lungs rattling in your heavy chests
    I see the pulsing of your blood in your neck
    And I can barely contain myself from stopping it permanently
    Imagine me being in a crowded space
    Hundreds of stupid hearts pumping
    Lungs pulling all the oxygen out of the air
    And I'm too nervous and scared to tell everyone that I'm suffocating quickly
    My voice comes out in a squeak
    But in my head it's all screaming shriek
    I'm running to be outside
    My ears and brain are going to explode from all the noise
    Please can't you all just be quiet for a minute
    Just until I'm okay again
    I can't explain it
    I just need..

    Maybe I really am psycho
    If I could capture the child of yesterday
    I would send her to tomorrow
    And I would protect her as she grew up
    No twisted monsters in the closet this time, love

    I hover on the outside of normal social circles
    Because if there was a god
    He would know I would never be comfortable being anywhere outside of squares
    I cut my sandwich into crooked triangles
    And I prefer my pillows to be lumpy and uncomfortable

  • wonderstood 13w

    Shades of Blue

    She made a beautiful picture,
    As she stood there,
    Facing the magnificent blue spread,
    An ocean worth of calm.

    The blue of her irises reflected,
    The blue of the water,
    As if joining them,
    In one bout of uncontrollable magic.

    She stood completely still,
    Unaware of the breeze teasing her,
    Unaware of the clear sky coaxing her,
    Unaware of the curious eyes gazing at her.

    The setting sun looked upon her benevolently,
    Filling her world with sunny light,
    Casting her face into an angelic gold,
    Making her an exotic goddess worthy of worship.

    But she paid no mind,
    To the vast expanse of aqua water,
    To the mystic sun or to the endless sky,
    Lost in her own maze of thoughts.

    The beauty of the external scene,
    Was all but lost upon her,
    Cause for her, all blue and red could ever mean,
    Were the colours of her bruises after Papa made "love" to her.