#abuse

562 posts
  • conciselyabide 4h

    My poetry is personal and oddly specific, and I like it that way.
    Also, I am in fact purchasing a 16 inch tall BJD (that's a ball jointed doll) to double as both a photography prop and a highkey coping mechanism to care for something as a stand-in for myself in the past. It's cathartic.
    #rambling #bjd #bjds #dolls #tw #abuse #abusement #creativity #imagination #escapism #coping

    Read More

    A Companion Like Glass

    Sometimes, where I find respite,
    My fixation is a gift.
    As I wait at the door for my package to arrive,
    My mind is set ablaze with beautiful memories
    I will soon be able to create.
    How is it
    That something so simple,
    So small and material as a doll,
    Is able to bring such joy to my troubled mind, my anxious body, and my restless soul?
    I've always been an imaginative boy.
    As a child, my creativity stood out above the rest.
    It was a blessing and a curse
    As my life began to roughen-
    I've never had an easy time-
    It fueled my anxieties,
    Of fists like sandpaper
    And fingers like glass.
    And yet,
    My mind was my escape.
    Imaginary friends danced round my head,
    And I gave life to my bears
    And to my dolls.
    Growing up, my dolls had names and personalities,
    I gave them thoughts and feelings.
    They provided for me love,
    And I blew into them
    A soul.
    Here we are again,
    A boy sitting on his heels
    As he waits for his toy to come in the mail.
    A doll he could create again,
    Both in its mind and body,
    A doll like himself in some ways.
    Perhaps it's therapeutic
    To make a doll
    Like one's younger self,
    And make it so the doll was healed
    With the comfort
    And worthiness
    Its owner was never awarded,
    And perhaps this is just the ramblings of a young man
    Sprouting out from the pieces of a broken child.
    ©conciselyabide

  • iinked_mistake 5h

    Ashamed of Me

    Something is wrong..
    I've laid here staring at the ceiling for far too long
    I don't know where sleep ran off to
    Headphones pounding
    It's 3am
    And I've never felt more awake and exhausted
    My skin is restless and wanting to crawl off my back
    My hands can't stay still and keep sliding under the blankets
    My body isn't responding
    My brain is hungry
    Lusty and searching
    Why am I still alive
    The songs keep running through my ears
    I'm trying to close my dilated eyes
    But my soul is wrestling with the lies
    Countlessly told over the last few years
    And I don't want my house of cards to collapse around me
    I don't want anyone to see me
    Small and ugly
    I'm pretending
    But the last curtain call is past
    And the show is ending

    I'm distracted
    I feel like my brain is full of dumb
    Stupid and numb

    Anxiety
    Autistic
    Bipolar
    Depressed
    Dyslexic
    Eating disorders

    Can we talk about all this combined with my weird personality
    You want to know the real me?
    Okay so here in my reality
    I hear the voices
    Sometimes I can't make my own choices
    Sometimes I forget my own name..
    I rely on other people to remember how old I am
    Because most days I feel 92 instead of 29
    And truth be told
    I feel a clutching dread that
    It will only get worse

    I am ashamed of who I am
    I am afraid of everything I become

    Could you please stop breathing
    I can hear your lungs rattling in your heavy chests
    I see the pulsing of your blood in your neck
    And I can barely contain myself from stopping it permanently
    Imagine me being in a crowded space
    Hundreds of stupid hearts pumping
    Lungs pulling all the oxygen out of the air
    And I'm too nervous and scared to tell everyone that I'm suffocating quickly
    My voice comes out in a squeak
    But in my head it's all screaming shriek
    OUTSIDE
    I'm running to be outside
    My ears and brain are going to explode from all the noise
    Please can't you all just be quiet for a minute
    Just until I'm okay again
    I can't explain it
    I just need..

    Maybe I really am psycho
    If I could capture the child of yesterday
    I would send her to tomorrow
    And I would protect her as she grew up
    No twisted monsters in the closet this time, love

    I hover on the outside of normal social circles
    Because if there was a god
    He would know I would never be comfortable being anywhere outside of squares
    I cut my sandwich into crooked triangles
    And I prefer my pillows to be lumpy and uncomfortable

  • asthma 8h

    Abusing our selves !

    .

    Abuse is one of the darkest most vile things people tolerate maybe because they like the person abusive to them or because they are attached to them in some way , and you can file for abuse It’s as easy as that. You can get get a restraining order.
    But what about the way you’re abusing yourself !? ,
    Patching yourself to that one person, Or the thoughts you let get to you, The things you let make you feel bad and depressed and suicidal, The "I’m not worth it , I’m stupid , I’m ugly , I’m not special"
    And I guess all of us are abusive to the easiest target that is ourselves. But the real question is how do we fix that ?
    I mean you can’t get a restraining order against yourself !
    So how do we stop this abuse ? The heart ache ?
    That makes you feel like ending it , all of it , would be the easiest choice !! I'm really done.
    ©asthma

  • anomalous 1d

    Love is not meant
    To bruise you, but
    So many women
    And men forget
    That.

    ©anomalous

  • pulanechoane 1d

    Withdrawals

    I love you but I am running out of money to keep you happy with
    There aren't enough funds for your all withdrawal slips
    When I'm with you, I laugh and love everything about you, your intellect and lisp
    But when I'm not, I wonder if you laugh and love me for more than all the things I can give
    Most days I don't mind
    But some days I wonder if that's the reason why you're really mine
    If you'd one day like to or even be able to take care of me
    And do all you said you would and take me to all these places you want me to see
    In my heart of hearts, I know better
    For if you can't do those things now, how will you do them in the future
    I think even then you'll fail, I bet ya
    I wish you'd sort your shit out, not later but sooner
    Cause if you don't, I don't know if I'll stay
    If I will, I really doubt
    Only for so long will I stay in one place
    But hope is something else
    I keep hoping I'm strong enough to stay with you long enough to prove me wrong
    That you really do love me
    And it's just not about the money
    And even though I know,
    I continue to hope
    For right now my pockets are running dry
    And soon I'll know why you're really here
    But until then, I can only hope
    That we'll continue to be together
    And laugh and love about everything from politics to weather
    Your intellect and lisp
    And I pray there won't be anymore withdrawal slips
    God, I hate those withdrawal slips.


    ©pulanechoane

  • jadajennings 1d

    DEMONS

    I feel to heal the pain.
    I write out my regrets.
    I stumble... then falter.
    Still, I rise up to fight.
    I aim for slow progress.
    I focus on my recovery.
    I don't dwell in the past.
    Yet, I fall down harder.
    I am determined to live.
    I take full responsibility.
    I accept accountability.
    And I fail once again.
    ©jadajennings

  • r_m_o_s 1d

    We all have to protect society of such dark souls. #darkthoughts #abuse #rape #darkplaces

    Read More

    Dark nights dark thoughts.

    Would like to grab her
    To take her with me
    Just follow her down there
    So nobody will see...
    ©r_m_o_s

  • poeticgamer 2d

    F.E.A.R.

    I hide in the shadow of the moonlight,
    Just on the other side of the door frame,
    I listen to your voice, all the hatred that spews from your lips as I'm the one to blame,

    I run from sunlight, I embrace the chilled wind,
    A wind that carried with it the dead souls of leafs,
    Somewhere in the past I was a living burden,
    The burden that cried at night, giving the earth my tears as the abuse played for keeps.

    ©poeticgamer

  • ladyiustitia 2d

    Down the rabbit hole

    How can you believe this to be love?
    Don't you dare bargain and call it infatuation!
    This is a twisted obsession if you chose to remain oblivious to his tricks & manipulation!

    Are you seriously running back to this man? The one who caused you unspeakable pains,
    Who made you his submitted slave?
    Are you in such a hurry to dig your grave?

    All it took was a text, not even a call; twenty seconds and a four words message,
    And there you are ready to leap, down this narrow passage.
    How long until he breaks your will this time around?
    How long until you're found, egale spread, each one of his friends having a round?

    If only I had told her this sooner, maybe we wouldn't all be gathered here,
    With silent tears, as they lowered her bruised body into the ground.

    ©ladyiustitia

  • jaylee 2d

    Here Comes The Sun

    The menacing trees themselves appeared to cackle maliciously as their twisted, outstretched arms pierced and tore away at ivory flesh

    While the jagged rocks gleefully inflicted hollow yet agonizing imprints along her virgin feet as they trod a maze of crooked paths

    The tempestuous and unforgiving winds pulled taut at her matted tresses and unfortunate rags- well what remained of them anyway

    And yet despite the dried, caked blood on her cheeks she looked heavenwards and smiled at where the sun should've been


    ©jaylee

  • clarasage 2d

    Intertwined Part Two

    I try to rip apart the seams
    But they seem to be too attached
    Or maybe it's just me that's attached
    But I can't get you out of my head
    Your dirty wandering hand
    Your eyes and smirk full of malevolence
    That once showed love
    They changed in a single instant
    Did you get what you wanted
    Your 5 seconds of pleasure
    My 5 hours of numbness
    While you ripped my life apart
    Which descended into a lifetime of hell
    Your face can't leave my head no matter how hard I try
    The feeling of your hand won't leave
    Even through the distance between us and the time that's passed
    I still feel it like it's there
    I cant tear you out of my seams
    You're always here no matter how long you've been gone
    Your demons are here and they wont leave me alone
    They've become my own and it isn't fair
    The constant fear and anger you caused
    The constant flashbacks that leave me exhausted and empty
    You're always here and I hate it
    Somehow you manage to imprint your filthy face onto the ones I love
    You make me think they're going to turn out like you
    When in reality that isn't true
    Before you wouldn't let me go
    You told me you loved me
    Why would you say that before you did something so sinister
    The answer is because it wasn't true
    You didn't love me
    You only lusted for me
    I cant rip out the seams you sewed
    But I can make them weaker
    And I promise that until the day I die
    That I will fight for freedom
    And I will heal
    Because none of this is worth the lifetime of sorrow you've cast upon me
    And the last thing I'd ever do
    Is what you want me to do

    ©clarasage

  • thomas_prince 2d

    Toy Soldier

    Broken little boy,
    From a broken home,
    Absentee Father,
    Mother was broken too,
    No love to call his own,
    Grew into a broken teen,
    No one cared to see,
    His only talent,
    Was invisibility,
    Now a broken man,
    With a broken heart,
    And a broken life,
    Filled with strife,
    And yet still he's that broken boy,
    From a broken home,
    Forever broken,
    Always alone.
    ©thomas_prince

  • clarasage 2d

    Intertwined Part One

    I clench my fists as I try to get rid of your face
    All our memories intertwined in this town
    Like the time you gave me my first kiss
    And the time we snuggled at the park
    The times you made me feel alive
    And when you let me hold your sleeves in the halls at school
    The time you came over to help me clean my room
    And when you came over for dinner
    When you used to call me cute names
    And sing your love songs to me
    And tell me your worries
    And that time you took me to the forest
    And held me when I was scared
    And when you had to hold me back from hurting your friend
    Because he told you my secret against my will
    And then theres the time you told me It was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not
    Your eyes transformed into demons
    Your smile into an evil smirk
    And your hand into a weapon
    You told me I had no choice
    Then you asked if I was going to say yes or not
    I said okay and hid into your shoulder
    As you ripped my soul from my body
    With your hand of poison
    Shoved down my pants you didnt care
    You told me not to cry
    Then your brother in law got home
    And you told me I couldnt stay
    So I left and never saw your face again
    That time a week later when you texted me
    And told me that you wanted to see what you touched
    I couldnt care about myself anymore
    So I showed you
    And then you showed me what you had too
    And I threw my phone as I cried again
    You never spoke to me again after that
    Like I said, all our memories are stitched to this town and they wont go away
    So thanks for your poison
    And thanks for the lies
    Now they're imprinted everywhere
    And theres no escape
    At least one day far in advance
    The world will repay your debt that you owe
    Because you took everything from me
    And karma wont let that go

    ©clarasage

  • r_m_o_s 2d

    Roots of creativity

    Cracks eternally unseen
    given between six and seventeen
    Are openings for roots
    feeding of soil from forbidden fruits.

    ©r_m_o_s

  • hairsonfire 2d

    Does my lack of imagination
    Stem from years of abuse
    Has my soul died from this dismay
    Can I find the will within myself to create
    To retaliate

  • conciselyabide 4d

    Hi I'm back to be angsty
    #tw #abuse #csa #vent

    Read More

    Speech in Stasis

    My words pull at my tongue.
    They tug, backwards, pulling it down into my throat.
    These are words that were never meant to be spoken,
    Tales of an era this universe never intended to create.
    A human person is born with an innate sense of dignity.
    Sometimes, that dignity is stripped before it's given a chance to develop into a person at all.
    Stripped.
    Isn't that ironic?
    I, myself, can speak all day of a stepmother's fists bashing into my skull and my sides,
    But a few moments alone with a different woman has frozen my voice for an eternity.
    I need to speak,
    To get it out;
    But the nausea drags me back and my body falls near sleep,
    If only to push me over the edge with the memories that won't fade.
    I can't talk about it.
    ©conciselyabide

  • enlighten_my_corruption 4d

    ABUSE

    How many times are you going to lie to yourself?
    Are you not exhausted of not being appreciated?

    do not, for one second dare think you deserve the abuse. you do not deserve their hateful words Nor their malevolent hits and blows. not even their haunting sexual Force.

    you know who you are, and you know what you need. do not settle out of fear.


    ©enlighten_my_corruption

  • petals_and_thorns 4d

    Owned

    Bones, settle in-to this, dismay.
    Life unravels, within, his play.
    The dog escapes, it's world of tame.
    Then found, by the end of the day.
    With no one, but itself, to blame.
    This kept dog, is then, put to shame.

  • yxungpoet 5d

    Buttercup.

    Cheer up butter cup,
    Listen to everything I say,
    Don't you dare make a sound,
    Not even the slightest squeal,
    Stop crying,
    Grow up,
    Cheer up butter cup.
    ©yxungpoet

  • serenity_for_ophilia 5w

    Dear Liar

    Dear Liar,
    My vision is turning kaleidoscopic.
    I don't know where the truth is and where the lies are
    You know the truth would be better
    But you lies have me chained in fetters
    You abuser
    User of my feelings

    Dear Liar,
    I've left now, as you know.
    And now I'll always say no
    No to your lies
    No to your deceit
    No to your control
    I still can't help but wonder
    How many other lives you'll plunder

    Dear Liar,
    I tried pulling you from the smoke of that fire.
    Little did I know,
    You set it.

    I guess I took the bait.
    Was played for your fool
    It's okay though.
    I left.
    For that it's never to late.
    ©serenity_for_ophilia