there is a longing deep within
a desire which I don't understand
this emptiness and space that I can't explain.
there is this need which no amount of self love can provide.
there's so much I want to say
so much I want to talk about
but the people around me are either too busy to listen or immersed in their own lives.
outwardly, I'm a calm restful water, pleasant to behold. smiling and seemingly happy.
inside of me is a raging storm, a cyclone that seems to last forever. breaking into tiny pieces and melancholic.
this isn't the first time I feel this way and I know it won't be the last time. I know this because it is me, it is my reality.
i'm tired of trying to be strong, you told me to be vulnerable, to bare my mind and feelings. I tried to, I actually did. still they passed by you unnoticed. maybe my vulnerability was never the issue.
it is sickening to have no shoulders to lean on. i know you're busy with your life but isn't that what friends are meant to do? be some palm that stop the tears from falling.
it is worse when they think you are some fiction or another piece of poetry they can read and get done with.
it hurts when the very ones who are meant to protect you strip you off every piece of dignity and pride.
sometimes i wish i didn't have a heart, maybe then i won't be plagued with so much pain and burdened with words unsaid.
depression is like a second skin, it is more reliable and sensitive than the world around me. it is that one friend that sticks closer than a brother.
i'm tired. i am weak. i am exhausted.
i'm sinking, drowning in my sea of sad songs.
i'm losing my mind, i see it leaving my body slowly.
i'm neither here nor there.
i'm tired of being misunderstood.
dear God, i don't even know why i'm involving you in this. but really, whatever you do, do send me some hug. that kind of hug that lingers for a long time. that kind of hug that helps me forget all i need to forget. that kind of hug that does not only tell me "it's gonna be okay" but really makes me okay.
whatever you do, do something that restrains me from doing something stupid.