One of 'those' days
What do you do when you feel nothing - a certain numbness that erupts and plagues your heart? It toils, weeps, whimpers, slithers and slays itself, over and over and over again, and finally that numbness. Perhaps it comes with knowing, or maybe it comes with an uncertainty to the "knowing". Everything that goes on in life - everything has a cause, and the worst part is that you know it. You know exactly why everything is happening,you know what triggered what - everything done right and everything done wrong. And you realise you don't have control on how it's going to be played out and that - that uncertainty! That's what is numbing. Because you just can't feel anything. You wait by, in bated breathe. Breathe in, breathe out, in and out. Nothing changes, just doesn't change, 'Just one of those days' you console, you shrug it and move on. Day one, Day 2, Day 70..day #...
Being in a place where you have all questions but all answers lie in the future. Be it the promotion that you've worked hard for, or asking that person out and getting a neutral answer, Or be it sending out resumes or submissions of your work of art and waiting for that moment, or watch your loved one suffer, or maybe all of it. Despite wanting to talk you don't; Despite wanting to enjoy you can't; Yet you smile, you chatter, to everyone you seem fine, you seem happy too. But it's a choice on what mask to wear isn't it? Everyday you choose the happy mask, as a compulsive habit, as a choice, and hope that things will get better. But stripping it down, getting real, you can feel the numbness till your fingertips radiating through the warm blanket. Numbness.