' Christmas in July '
' A Conversation Between Mr. Elf and Santa Clause. '
In celebration of Christmas in July, Santa Claus began checking his list for a second time, while the Elves worked tirelessly to pack the sleigh, with all the children's toys.
" Santa, are you sure about this? " Mr. Elf asked, while breathing heavily from exhaustion.
" Ho Ho Ho, of course I'm sure " Santa replied, in high spirts. " Every girl and boy deserves a nice present underneath there Christmas tree, on Christmas in July. Why do ask Mr. Elf, who so dares to question my authority? "
" Well ... " Mr. Elf replied nervously. " It's just the fact that most people ... " He paused for a moment. " Actually everybody sir, don't really celebrate Christmas in July. Plus, it's the middle of summer, sir. Most of the climate is up to ninty to a hundred and six degrees, and I'm not sure wearing your traditional white fur trimmed red jacket, and pants with a broad buckled belt, with a matching hat, and black boots, is perfect for this type of weather. You can mostly die of a heat stroke, sir. "
" Ho Ho Ho! " Santa laughed. " Well that sure does sound like you're questioning my authority, Mr. Elf. For everytime winter comes, you don't seem to be concerned about me getting frost bite, Ho Ho Ho! "
" Well ... " Mr. Elf replied. " That's were the suit mainly comes in handy, sir. It protects you from getting frostbite. "
" And it's that suit that I'm mainly known for. " Santa replied. For me not to wear that suit, would be considered untraditional. Do you want me to be untraditional, Mr. Elf? "
" Well ... " Mr. Elf replied again nervously. " It's not really traditional to do Christmas in July either, sir. "
" Ho Ho Ho!? " Santa replied, in a defensive tone. " Not only are you question my authority, are you also being a smart ass, Mr. Elf? "
" Oh no no no, sir. " Mr. Elf explained. " I was just mainly looking after your health. "
" Ho Ho Ho! " Santa laughed again. " And yet, you had no concern for my health, everytime a child leaves a plate of cookies for me, in December. Mr. Elf, you're just full of contradictions, aren't you? That is why I'm the boss, and you're the slave. Now go back, and prepare my sleigh, slave. "
" Yes, sir. " Mr. Elf responded quietly, with his head down, while walking back to the sleigh.
" Ho Ho Ho! " Santa laughed, while shaking his head, in utter disappointment.
" Oh sir, I almost forgot! " Mr. Elf explained.
" Ho Ho Ho! " Santa replied, in a grunt. " You're really getting under my skin, Mr Elf. Anyway, what is it that you want now? "
" Well sir, after I recently looked over at the list. I'm afraid I have to warn you about this certain boy named Billy, from Longmont, Colorado. " said Mr. Elf.
" Well what about him, Mr. Elf. " replied Santa.
" I'm afraid he has Claus - Trophobia, sir. " explained Mr. Elf.
Santa looked at him, in great confusion.
" So ...? " said Santa. " What does the fear of confined spaces have to do with anything? "
" No, not claustrophobia, sir. " said Mr. Elf. " Claus - Trophobia! Though both are spelled the same, the two mean different things. The fear Billy has is the fear of Santa Claus, sir. AKA the fear of you. "
" What!? " shouted Santa, in a loud chuckle. " Ho Ho Ho, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Why would a little boy be afraid of Old Saint Nick? I mean, it's just ludacris. I'm the most jolliest human being you'll ever come to know.
" I know, sir. " replied Mr. Elf. " But I would suggest you secretly deliver his gifts, without confronting him. For your safety, and his, sir. "
" Ho Ho Ho, nonsense. " said Santa. " I shall confront this Billy, from Longmont, and show him there is nothing to fear about Santa Claus. "
" But sir, I really must insist ... " replied Mr. Elf.
"Ho Ho Ho! " replied Santa, in anger. " Again of the questioning of the authority, Mr. Elf. "
" So sorry, sir! " said Mr. Elf, in a fright. " I just thought ... "
" Thought! " shouted Santa. " Slaves do not have 'thought.' Now get your ass away from me, and get back to the f****** sleigh. "
" Yes, sir. Right away, sir. " replied Mr. Elf, as he ran back to the sleigh.
As Mr. Elf, and the rest of the Elves continue to pack the sleigh, Santa continue checking the list, while also preparing his traditional suit.