Dear first love
Your love was irrevocable kind of love. It hit me and it hit me hard. It was like a gun to my head and a bullet to my brain. I was shot, I was wounded and only you could ever heal me. It was like being made aware of your own existence. I didn't even know I had so many emotions in myself, before that moment, before you.
You unlocked this incredible emotional depth in me, I didn't know I could feel so many things for someone. It was new. I was new. The world around me was new. When you loved me, I felt like whole world is loving me. That was all I needed. I fell for you and stir up a storm, throwing caution to the wind and the fire. I zinged up with you and burnt everything in my path cuz you belonged to me. It was just me and you and no one and nothing else mattered. I could create a world of my own, start a war with this society because I knew I have you and you have me. I was so blinded by your love that I blocked out all other feelings, all other realities. All I saw was you, all you saw was me. It was like a mirror staring into a another mirror and a million endless reflections were created.
And then, my love, the very storm I stirred up, uprooted me. You drifted apart. Assumptions helped you with that. And it was like, I was forced to drink poison but slowly. The fire I started, burnt my own soul. The war I fought left me shattered and worn. Suddenly, the realities came crashing down and I realized that I'm holding a grenade. The gun went off, the bullet got out the other side of my brain and I fell to the groud, all by myself. Ahh, of course you couldn't pick me up. You couldn't show me even a least bit of your affection. I knew I was no longer needed.
I was crashing against the waves of the ocean and I was drowning. I reached out to gasp for air but just suffocated and choked. There was none to help me out. No hug, no drug. You just stood there and watched me drowning.
"People change, feelings change, it's life..." that's all you had to say to me. I'll never forget it.
This was the kind of love that showed me I could feel, in ways I thought were unimaginable. This was the love that made me realise that I can be hurt in ways that can break my heart into a million different pieces. My heartbeat will never be the same again. My mirror is broken. And so am I. Not even a single reflection now, just broken pieces.