Pain by numbers
In 29 years
I have lost 12 people that have had an impact on my life
Out of those 12
·8 have been since the beginning of 2013
·5 of which never made it past 30 years old
·4 of which were relatives
·3 of which were School friends
·2 of which I met as new coworkers
·4 I lost to the physical act of suicide
·3 I lost to pharmaceutical overdose
·2 I lost to complications with the brain
·1 I lost to a senseless stray bullet, during a gang fight
·1 I lost to protecting her family during a car wreck
·1 I lost to a heartbreaking battle with alcoholism
One of these major losses, was my mother. She lost her battle in 1992, to alcoholism. It was just 10 days before her birthday, and only a month before I turn 5 on mine.
Though, I do not have much memory of her, I've grown up not being able to fathom anything else, that could hurt like the loss of a mother.
Until this year, 2017
On August 22nd, I lost someone, that I felt was the love of my life. Someone that stopped time in my world, from the very first moment I saw her. Someone, that showed me pieces of me. Someone, that fought demons like mine and made me feel, a little less alone, in this world.
Until, our demons went to battle and we both fought and lost... And fought and lost.. And fought And then lost. And then we both lost.
We all grieve differently. I wish that I could plug all these numbers into some formula, that could tell me, how long I have left, in my grieving of a loved one. Maybe, there is a chart to display when/if, there will be an ending date to it, or when I should start grieving the next loss.
But unfortunately, no , life has me caught in the same stale algebra class. Studying through, numbers and pictures, just waiting for the pain to pass.