A Long Wait
My keys jingled against my purse with each step I took.
I force myself to remain hopeful that this will not be our last day, that by a miracle I wished for, naively, you are awake and coherent.
I reach your room at the end of the hall, my mother sits there with a blonde lady who I never met, and was not your usual nurse.
Confused I turn to your closed door "Please see nurse before entering".
I lean against the wall, sliding slowly to the floor, an evil screaming echoing through thr hall, escaping through my lips. "No, no no no no no!"
They had to put me in a room away from all the other dying patients in palliative care, where I bawl, and lose complete control.
One more day, just one more where you can speak with me the way we did when I was a teenager, surrounded by the twisted smell of grapes and garlic, in our backyard.
I went into your room, the strange stillness of your chest twinges my heart. Tears streaming down my sloppy wet face continued to pour of their own free will.
I held your lifeless body in my arms, willing with the last bit of strength I had left, for your arms to encircle me.
You left before I got there, you LEFT BEFORE I GOT THERE!
Even now, my heart beats painfully, as I miss my daddy's embrace, "I'm so proud of you".