It's been one of those days again
It has been one of those days again…
It has been one of those days again. You know, one of those days when I try my best to run away from my anxiety. But I think it is a damn good athlete for it always outruns me and holds me tight in its claws. It is when my mind seems to be like a prison, anxiety the warden and I its prisoner.
It has been one of those days again when I feel like I am at a comedy show, but I am the only one who finds nothing funny. Everyone is cracking up; laughter is all around the numb person that I have become. I start wondering if people would pity me for my heart and mind are now void of all feelings. So, I try to laugh out as loud as I possibly could, to try to ignite some spark of life within me. However, to no avail. And now I am the walking comedy show.
It has been one of those days again when I feel trapped in an open room for I am strapped back to a chair. I look at the open door calling out to me asking me to walk past through it. I can hear people tell me how easy it is to just walk past the door. And so with trembling limbs and a racing heart I try to pull myself out of those straps. I barely move an inch but I am already exhausted. So I stare longingly at that open door again.
It has been one of those days again when I just take out my diary and start writing about it. I don’t know what I would call ‘this’. It is not a letter, a story or an essay. I like to call this the memoirs of my struggle with anxiety. For when I am finally free of it, these pages would be the ones who would remind me of my unwanted attachment and how I braved through it all.
It has been one of those days again when my words do some magic on me and restore something very vital. I can say that for I already feel like I am a step ahead of this fast paced evil. I think I just narrowly smiled at a joke from the comedy show running inside me, it feels as though the door to exit the room isn’t that far away after all.
It has been one of those days again… and I whisper to myself, ‘Everything is going to be alright.’