I Held On
I held on to you. But what was I holding on to? Tainted memories. Old scars. Lies dipped in honey. False seeds of hope you planted in my mind. I held on to pain because pain was you. Yet, it was more familiar and faithful than you.
I couldn't have your heart, so I settled for hurt, because the hurt you created was exceedingly deep and constant – unlike the love you promised, but never delivered.
There I was, hoping you'd finally love me like you claimed you did and would. I became an object of disgust to you because waiting meant chances, and more chances meant weakness. I was weak to you, and you despised me because I thought love was patient.
You hated me without cause and baited with me falsehood. Yet, I held on until I saw you could never be who you presented to me, because that version of you never existed.
I held on to an illusion. But when the sun rose and darkness scattered, the illusion caught on fire. Layers and layers of masks covering a face I've never seen, revealed a man I didn't know. It was then I knew, I couldn't hold on anymore.