Beautifully Insane. Nothing Wrong With This Brain
It really is no secret that in today's society the majority of the female population suffer greatly from anxiety, depression, lack of sleep and constant worry. It isn't that women choose to feel this way, it's just human nature to be cautious of our surroundings. But how far is too far when it comes to your own mind? A phone call in the middle of the night "he's cheating", words that don't add up "he's cheating", a woman's voice, a message on social media. Anything is a trigger to those who suffer from chronic anxiety, honestly there is no cure. A pill can temporarily relieve you of the pain, but it never fully takes away from the emotional pain you go through. Even then taking a pill to relieve 5 minutes of your suffering is better than living 5 years of emotional torture. It's pretty serious when you need instant relief of pain, even if it doesn't last long. That's why most who suffer from this end up becoming addicted to medications. It's not the brand or the shape that people get addicted too, its that sheer volume of relief you get, almost like coming up from the water to take a big breath. Suddenly the pain is gone, you feel invincible and the thought of your pain never comes to mind, until it wears off and you find yourself taking more and more. People don't mean to get addicted to medications, it really isn't their intention to become addicted. If you think about it, the pills aren't what make people addicted, it's the effect that it gives you so they keep coming back for more and more because they love that moment of clarity they felt. You can get addicted to anything, the biggest addiction we face is cyberspace but no one wants to admit it. For every question, google has answer, for every symptom, web MD has a sollution, for every need, craigslist has it in bulk and for every thought, feeling or emotion facebook has an emoji, gif aand background to fullfil whatever it is youre needing to say.
So what if I told you that over thinking is actually an addiction, And that the results of it end in obession. It is true, your mind is like a sponge, everything you've said, done, heard or experienced just doesn't go away, it's still there in your brain just waiting for an opportunity to come out. I'm a normal 28 year old. I am usually very outgoing and bubbly and nothing usually gets me down. Aside from reaching the end of a netflix binge or caseys not delivering during the week, i really dont have much to complain about... actually, that was a total lie, but it sounded good right? But you see? That is just it, were forced to lie and forced to pretend we're all fine because the sudden hint of a problem and people have issues. With our issues.... yeah i know. Its fucked up.. I wish I could just lie to everyone and say I've overcome all my trials but I can't because I haven't. It would be nice if I "myself" could make sense of all of this but that would mean life was easy and it really isn't.
In a perfect world, id sleep 9 hours a night, id be able to eat 3 meals a day, I would have a smile on my face every minute. In a perfect world life would be easy but sadly our world is far from perfect. My life consists of having insomnia so bad that I don't sleep for days, I hardly eat, when i do eat I pick at my food and I push it around on my plate, I drink red bull everyday because I'm so worn down that without caffeine I wouldn't even be human, I take unisom sleep gels every day because it cuts the edge of my anxiety. I take it So i don't feel anything and I take it because sleeping through depression seems easier than fighting it. Which in my reality here an over the counter dose of diphenhydramine seems better than an actual script of antidepressants lingering in your bathroom medicine cabinet. At least when i have guests and they use my bathroom and assuming that theyre nosey they wont nave to ask questions to themselves because all they will think is "oh she just has trouble sleeping" not "woah what on earth does she need Prozac, lithium and ambien for"? While they ask themselves questions regarding the contents of ones medicine cabinet, i ask "why the hell are they going through it in the first place? Ismt anything private anymore?"
What makes a person deteriorate to the point where they can't even function like a normal human being? The truth is, our lives are a constant target for anything to be thrown our way. Do you know how it feels to be captive by your own mind? To always suspect the worst because that is all you seem to know? Do you know how it feels to see your husband do something so innocent like checking the mail and suspect he's cheating on you? This is what anxiety and depression does to you. But fear not there is a sollution, just take two of these a day with a large glass of water before a meal but dont operate heavy machinery because while these pills are burning holes through your stupid fucking damaged brain, they will also make you forget how to be an actual human. You can loose yourself but God forbid you drive a car.... Doctors tell you that you need counseling, that you need to be on medication, that you aren't stable minded. They know how to diagnose you and how to write a script for you but if you think about it, They never ask you why you feel the way you do. If doctors spent more time talking to us than evaluating us, maybe our medicated population would become slimmer. In the end just having someone to talk to could make the world of a difference.
A person who has chronic anxiety is immediately labled as unstable, you're crazy for freaking out over a scene in a movie, you're labeled as paranoid when the smallest word makes you think your partner is or has been unfaithful, shame on you for spending the day in bed crying in your pillow, you become selfish when you don't acknowledge the beautiful day that is upon you, stop being immature because crowds of people aren't there to hurt you. My God how sorry i am that what unspeakable horrors ive faced in my life became a problem for you.
Its attention like this, that make people like me fear the worst about the world. Because how can we trust the world when the world is the reason we are the way we are. Its a shame that innocent people are suffocating under the pressure that the universe puts on us to be normal.
You applaud the girl who stands up for her rights as a woman, yet you judge the woman on antidepressants. You support the man who came from nothing and became something, yet judge the men who are afraid to leave the house due to the fear of being ridiculed by the public. You despise the mother who killed her children simply because she suffered a serious form of postpartum depression yet applaud the mother killing her children before they even took their first breath outside of the womb, because if a doctor assists you in a clinical abortion then its okay, you just cant kill your kids because you were depressed, it has to be done by a doctor because its your right as a woman to choose... What in the actual fuck? Murder is murder, you cannot be disgusted by murder then be 100% supportive of murder. Murder is murder no matter what term you link it too. You support the officers who protect us, then bash the officers for giving you a ticket for speeding, you spend all day giving thanks for what you have then trample people to death for 20% off merchandise. This is how sick and twisted our world has actually become, it's no wonder why the majority of people spend their days inside...
Do you see now what I mean? How can the people of this world who suffer from mental illness, have faith that they will be treated equally when the entire human race is two faced. This is why so many lgbt members are afraid to come out of hiding, because what kind of person is born a girl but wants to be a boy could have any kind of a future? A transgender must obviously be mentally ill to want to dress drag. Everyone in the lgbt community are branded as mentally unstable, cause they just aren't normal. Really???!! It's so freaking sad that you have to brand someone unstable all because they choose to live their life the way they want. I get so angry when i see beautiful people being slaughtered over social media because of their sexual prefrence, gender, race or religion. Im among the few who actually accept people as they are .
The world that surrounds us is to blame for our insecurities. They have a pill for each kind of illness, symptom and feeling yet there is no pill made for the human race that will snap reality back in place.
The only kind of resolution we need is remembering how to be human.