I tried to fall asleep, I really did. I darkened my room, I kept my phone away. I made sure the room wasn’t too hot or too cold, and I pulled my blanket over me, and snuggled into my bed.
But then I could hear it.
I could hear your words - they hadn’t stopped spinning around in my head. And I could hear your laughter, mocking me for being so stupid, for being so gullible. I had a sinking feeling in my heart, and sleep was nowhere around.
I didn’t stop trying though, so I got my phone, dimmed the brightness and put it offline. Then I played some calming music, and got back into bed. I closed my eyes, and waited.
I could see you.
I could see you the way you looked the morning you woke up in my bed the first time, your hair tousled and messy and your smile disarming, you were comfortable and at ease, and I was surprised at how comfortable I was around you, and even though I know I looked like a mess you called me pretty and said there was nowhere else you’d rather be.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to get your image out, but failed.
I’m not a quitter, but I AM a coward. I was not ready to endure any more of that pain. So I broke the promise I had made to myself, and grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills.
You know what they say; try, try, till you succeed.