I kept asking myself, the same question, innumerable times: "WHY"
I have been doing no good, and quiet honestly, It haven't helped me. Its just the guilt which fills me up now.
Am I scared, that it would affect me? No.
But I am scared, it would affect you, and this very thought provokes me to shutmy mouth and go with the flow.
The flow of not reallybeing into it but pretending like i am so much in love with whatever is been happening.
I just want to run away.
Why is it easy to tell my bestfriend everything - the very feeling that it is not love, but just a stupidity which made me believe that it was love when it wasn't.
Why do i find it hard to open up to you- to tell you that, " hey listen, I know, I messed up innumerable times and I am sorry I did. But I don't love you. Maybe, I thought i did, but like how i said, it was nothing but my stupid mind messing up with me. I am sorry that you had to deal with me, but, you have to deal with this, because its GOD DAMN TRUE. and if you think its another moodswing which made me do this, then, let me tell you , I have been having this in my mind for far too long, but finally, or lets say , accidently, they all slipped out of my mouth. Don't look shocked now, I have been giving you hints all along. You knew, somewhere down there that 'we' wouldn't last. Once and for all, I am Sorry."
"1 new message." A notification pops up.
Oh. Its him.
"Hey :") " I type.
The Cynical Writer