I can't help it
You can tell me that it's just a party;
But what about my anxiety that makes my palms sweaty?
Yes, I know asking for space won't end friendship,
But how can I stop my mind from KNOWING it would?
You say making one phone call isn't something to hyper 'bout,
But I cannot prevent my heartbeat from getting high.
Maybe replying to some 'stranger's' hello isn't so difficult for you,
But you shouldn't believe it's easy for me too.
"Chill, you just have to ask the teacher when we have to bring that book! C'mon, even kids can do it!"
Oh really, is it?
I can't stop my brain from not wanting to take initiative,
Or be a strict leader,
They will judge me!
Neither can I prevent these activities of my cerebrum:
'oh should I do that? Is it allowed?'
'i should ask someone...'
'they will think I don't pay attention.'
'they will I am foolish'
'let's wait till someone else does it'
'oh that person has done it, let's do it now'
'let's wait for some minutes, or they will know that I was waiting for them to do it'
'i have a doubt... Should I ask the teacher?'
'oh no... she'll think I am a fool'
'that girl's staring at me..'
'oh God! why do I have acne?! why don't I look my age'
'let's go and drown myself'
'My friends are whispering something... They just looked here'
'it is about me'
'something bad, very BAD'
"You are such a scardey cat!"
"C'mon! Eat it! No one will judge you!"
"Don't get so hyper"
"You're just exaggerating things!"
*To mom* "Aunty she got so scared, I had to ask for her"
"You are silly. You just had to ask the teacher! I won't be there to help you out always"
*Meeting acquaintance/friend unexpectedly in a public place* "Why don't you go say hello?"
"Haha.. she's just like that.. haha.."
"You need to be more confident"
"You are talented, but you can't succeed without leadership skills"
"Calm down, Manya, I am giving these tips just to help you"
I am socially anxious, and I won't become confident just by your saying it.
No, I am not a scardey-cat. No it's not a matter to laugh about.
No, things that seem easy to others aren't very easy for me.
No, I am not being dramatic or exaggerating things.
No, it is not in my control.
No, I can't help it.