The Day Destiny Allen Died
Jake watched as she opened her mouth, over and over again but no sound came out. Her gray eyes were wide and glassy, hundreds of emotions swirling through them but the most prominent one was disbelief as if she hadn't heard what she thought as if this was all a huge misunderstanding, which it wasn't
She was standing on the top stair of my porch, I had to look up at her if I wanted to see her face but I didn't bother, catching a glimpse of her sad beautiful eyes was enough for me to want to take back my words, my cruel, cold words and for a minute I wished that somehow I had lost my ability of speech instead of the use of my lower half that maybe then I would be able to embrace her like I wanted to at this moment
"Jakey?" Her voice made me flinch, I wasn't expecting the hurt and betrayal in her voice, I wasn't expecting it to affect me this much but who was I kidding everything she did affect me more than I could imagine, it's been that way ever since grade school, I didn't think it was going to change now even if we were older
"Come on Jakey, stop playing with me" she was smiling, a smile I didn't think I would be able to see again.
The smile made me hesitate, made my mouth suddenly stop working
"I know you've been going through a lot, and I know that I'm unless and I can't do anything for you, but babe" she paused going on both knees in front of me grabbing both my hands and enclosing them in her mitten covered ones " I will do anything in my power to make you happy, whatever I can do for you babe I will, I'd go to hell and steal Satan's fork stick if you asked me to"
Her smile wasn't as bright as I remembered it, her teeth weren't as white and she had dark circles behind her black rimmed glasses, making her look older than her 18 years
I did this to her. I took this perfect girl and broke her, and if I stayed with her I'd continue to break her until there would be nothing left to break
Or maybe this was just an excuse, maybe I was just feeling sorry for myself, maybe I was jealous that she could walk and I couldn't, that she had legs that she wasn't even using and my legs no longer worked even though I needed them to keep my scholarship at Princeton University, even though I needed them to be able to do pretty much anything
I had worked hard, harder than anyone in this God forsaken town and what do I get? Nothing, all my hard work down the drain as if it meant nothing
She was in the same car as me, so why didn't she lose her legs? Why me? Why not her?
"You can't do anything for me Destiny," I said stopping the hand that was heading towards my face" Nobody can! Don't you get it? I'm nothing without my legs, I had a full scholarship to fucking Princeton!"
She flinched as if I had burned her, but I didn't stop
"And you think you can make up for that? That fucking hilarious Destiny, you think you, Destiny Allen who can't even protect herself from her own father can help me?!" I was going too far, too fucking far but I couldn't stop
I can't stop
" No Destiny to answer your question there is absolutely nothing you can do to make this all better, nothing except leaving me alone and get the fuck out of my life!"
I need to stop, I need to freaking stop or else I would lose the only person I cared for in my life, or else I would lose the love that saved me from self-destruction
"You don't mean that!" She said tears streaming down her Rosey cheeks
In stead of saying that yes, I did not mean anything I just said, that yes I need you in my life, instead of saying that your the only thing that's keeping me sane, I laughed coldly as if I was imitating the falling snow and the frosty wind
"I would never lie to you remember? And yes I do mean it Tiny you have nothing that you can offer me, I don't need you anymore"
I watched her leave, heard her heart-wrenching cries, heard the screech of her tires on the ice covered road, felt the emptiness inside me
What have I done?