Emmet the Vampire: in I Put the Fun in Funeral
Emmet stood in the bathroom, he was shirtless. He took his iPhone out of his back pocket and snapped a mirror selfie.
“Damn” he said. The photo was just of a blank mirror. He snapped some pictures of his abs with the front facing camera.
He put his black shirt back on and walked to the lounge, lunging himself into his armchair. He noticed a white thing in the bottom of his eye, he looked down, his tag was out of his shirt.
“Damn” he said, his shirt was both backwards and inside out, “That’s embarrassing, at least I didn’t go out and buy milk tonight”. He pulled his shirt off turned it in the right way and put it back on.
“Better” he said sitting back down in his chair.
He pulled his phone back out, his background was a graveyard. He went into the app store and downloaded okcupid. He opened the app, the sign-up page popped up,
“Damn” he said, “They only go far back as 1900 well that’s just vampire discrimination”
I’m sorry that password is already taken popped up on the screen
“Damn” he said
I’m sorry that password is already taken
He was logged in.
Emmet went onto his profile page. He went through his shirtless selfies,
“No, no, no, okay, no, no, I guess” he uploaded the best one as well as a photo of a painted portrait of him from 1800.
'Goth boy, like darkness, graveyards, coffins, dead things and biting
I put the fun in funeral
I vant to s u c c.'
“What I’m doing with my life? I’m really good at? The first thing people notice about me? Favourite books, movies, shows, music and food?” he said reading off the screen, “I haven’t got time to write all this”
He went to the quick swipe section,
“No, no, no, oh damn he looks more hideous than nosferatu no thank you, no, yes, yes, no, yes, no, yes, yes, no, damn I’d sink my fangs into her, no, no, yes, id invite her back to my coffin any day, no, yes, no, ehh, no oh damn no I meant yes no go back undo undo damn.”
He mindless browsed the array or rather buffet of viable single people before it was approaching dawn. He headed to his coffin. He got inside his coffin and locked the lid.
“Oh damn” he yelled through the lid “My shirts still around the wrong way.”