I don’t believe that I have been this blank in a long time. I will convince myself to do something, something I hope to accomplish, and then I just don’t do it. I just stop, as if I can’t do it. It feels that for most of my life I’ve been swimming up, motivating myself to reach the surface, gaining speed and skill until I get there, and now it feels like I’ve broken the surface. There is no more going up and I’m adrift somewhere in the water. Floating, but not living. Just surviving until the end. Supposedly, there are ways to help. I’ll start them and then I’ll stop them, not because they don’t work but because I just stop. I don’t like floating, but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do and I refuse to sink.