If I wanted, I could have made promises, I could have made commitments, if I wanted, I'd do everything. Because I know I'm capable of it. But I don't want to. I so wanna love you, but I know it would hurt. I so wanna tell you how much you mean to me, but I never will. I wanna entangle my fingers with your's and fondle the outer surface of your palm to make you feel safe. But I don't want you to miss me every time someone does the same, cause till then, I might be gone. You'll not feel safe with them anymore. You'll miss me and every time you do, you'll die a little, a little more than before, more than the last time you felt my kiss. I wanna take you out on a date, I'd keep all the fancy stuffs, I'd keep balloons and candles. And when the candle light will reflect over your cheeks, and that jawline, I'll compliment you, it wouldn't be a regular compliment, but a bit more passionate than it used to be. You'll notice my shimmering eyes that would tell you the truth I couldn't put in words. I'll gaze back in your eyes and remind you of all the happy times between us. But when I'll be gone, you'll not let anyone do the same, and if someone does.. you'll miss me again.. you'll miss my eyes and you'll miss that passion. You won't let them look into your eyes because you'd feel it's all a lie. You'll be there sitting with them, in a beautiful date, but your heart will be in your past, where you were with me. And all your present will be destroyed within seconds. I don't wanna dull that flickering smile of yours. I don't wanna own that smile. I don't want you to be so much in me that your lips crave for my presence to reflect a smile. I wanna take you to a place full of butterflies, and birds chirping. I wanna smile at you while we watch a couple of birds sitting together on the electric wires. I wanna tell you how these little things you do along with me means the world to me and how insipid even my favourite chocolates are, without you. But when I'd be gone, someone else will do these, maybe not the same, but a lot of these which a person would do for their lover, you'll miss me then. You'll realise how long I'm gone and before this person breaks your heart too, you'll not let them come close to you. You didn't stop me from pressing my lips against your cheeks but you'd stop them even if they try to hold your hands. You'd still feel me whispering in your ears and that will make you wanna get an impaired hearing, so that just for ever, no one could whisper in your ears again. You'd be stone dead, and every person trying to convince you would be disappointed. It would never be your fault, but they'd always blame you, blame you for being someone who you were never before. Blame you for being someone that I made you. They'll call you cold, but they'll never know that this cold hearted person has firestorms exploding in their heart. The fire which I gave you, the fire which still wants to love me with all of it and at the same time, burn my body in it's flame. And that fire might end with the time, but the remains of it will never cool down, no one would be able to reach it. Because I made a promise of carrying those remains in my hands and won't let your heart burn. But I broke it. I didn't realise how much was I breaking you while making such promises, the promises I couldn't keep.
Instead, I'd prefer being your friend, a friend that would make you feel better when you wanna cry your heart out, a friend who'd crack jokes on you when you sing, a friend who'd flirt and say, "jk", a friend who'd try their best to be awake with you, throughout the sleepless nights.
A friend who'll love you with all the heart they could and a friend who'll always keep you above all in their prayers.