• words_flow 14w

    Please Tell Me.

    I want to know how to shape my thoughts to love the shape of my body and how to separate fiction from reality because truth is hidden in fabricated lies. And nights of worn out seams and broken bridges and ridges of my body that I touch with disdain are consumed by silence and the sound of a rain that never seems to fade. Please tell me how I’m supposed to love myself anyway. As my fingers trace lines across my skin before admitting defeat because pretty never knew my name.

    When I shroud myself in pretty lingerie but the pretty doesn’t stay and the feeling fades into self hate. Please tell me how I’m supposed to love myself anyway. As my fingers trace lines across my skin before grasping a little too deep because shallow waters make me feel like I’m drowning. And some days I’m drowning. Some days tears trace magic across my face as my heart rate beats in a rapid succession of breaths because all I have left is survival. Please tell me how to fall. In love with myself.

    And how not to fall to my knees. When I shroud myself in an eager to please demeanour with lace covering scars and a beating heart that has forgotten its way. Please tell me how I’m supposed to love myself anyway. As my fingers trace lines across my skin and momentarily within I feel the earth slip through my open fingers onto the grave that I have made of my body. Unintentionally. Relentless in my fight against my flesh and all I have left are broken pieces to collect and resurrect and still the pattern makes no sense nor reflection of beauty.

    Please tell me how to love myself anyway. As my fingers trace lines across my skin and every multitude of sin is staring back at me from a mirror I’ve drowned in. When I isolate love from hate and have constant internal debates and dissolve into the same outcome each time. Please tell me how to alter my mind. Please tell me how to fall. How to fall. Please tell me how to fall.

    In love with myself.

    - Terri Pietersen
    ©words_flow