It was a friday night and I reached home earlier than my husband;for I was on my periods and had serious stomach cramps. I got punched by the migraine goblin and was constantly chugging one glass of grape juice hopping it to relieve the headache almost instantly .But since the empty glass couldn't reduce the throbbing I decided to lay down pacifically .I was in so much of pain,mom.And then suddenly he bangs open the bedroom door ,grabs me by my waist and starts unbuttoning his shirt and pant.I say "NO". " Am on my periods,am in no state to do it now"He refuses,as if it was his right and my obligation to satiate the longing , and starts undressing me but l somehow console myself;for that's what love and marriage is all about,right ? Sacrifices ,understanding,conjugations,trust.
I woke up the next morning ,had blood stain on the bedsheet as deep as the pain running down my abdomen,it made me paralysed ,insensible.But somehow l regained the might so as to stand strong facing all odds alike the battle fought while stepping into this world for the every first time. That morning l expected him to make me the breakfast but he refused and l got to know that expectations are the root cause of broken urges . But then ,It wasn't for the first time that my expectations were hurt and his longings had a greater value ;for it happened again the next night when I was on my third day. My refusal had still no value in front of him and l carried on with my "legit" obligation. There was a mixture of fake expression that masked the tears in my eyes .I wanted him to know but was reluctant to tell. I faced too much .It was a sex without consent and anything without consent is rape ,right ? But then how could it be rape if we were married ? It seemed so fake,so incognitive but so real .How cloddish l was for thinking to give it a fairy tale ending in this paradoxical journey where even fairies turn into the mare of your night ,the monster of your dreams.Does this marriage give him the license to rape me every now and then or does it make him a "legal rapist"?My mind started to bombard as l couldn't carry out the heftiness .It's not that l never had an option but its just that l preferred not to file an FIR having known that section 375 of ipc legalises marital rape and that section 498 (A) is merely justified; for a rapist should be given life imprisonment ,right ?Isn't it a question of equality where rape committed by a stranger is a crime but rape within the closed doors of a bedroom is his so called right and my obligation. He owns a moustache but is it enough to make him a man? Isn't he supposed to understand ? Isn't he supposed to make sacrifices and compromises as well?Isn't he supposed to value my NO ?Then why is he so dominating ?Both in bed and in the marriage ?Is this harrassment justified because they say he loves me? But love hurts ,right ? And you need to be so cold to avoid getting hurt.Sometimes l wish l could burn down the bridge leading towards agony and bales because letting someone go is more preferable when you can't endure the heftiness anymore
Your shildy child .