• kaylak 23w

    Who Am I?

    I think I am broken.

    I don’t feel things others do.

    Loneliness.

    Heartbreak.

    True happiness and satisfaction.

    What do they mean?


    My life feels like a lie.

    All I can do is watch and cry.

    But my tears don’t come.

    The release crying gives never settles.

    I feel hollow.

    Dirty.

    Used.

    A liar.


    When do I ever really feel happy?

    Are my smiles and laughs real?

    Why am I empty?


    I want release.

    I want to scream.

    I want to cry.

    But no one ever gets what they want.


    I hear people ask for me.

    Where is she?

    I wait for someone to help them.

    Why?

    I do not know.

    Maybe I don’t feel like acknowledging my existence to another careless heart.


    And I know these feelings are unjustified.

    But I don’t know how else to explain them.


    I know what to expect in my future.

    I feel the things wrong inside me.

    I can’t lie to myself.

    But I can to others.


    I don’t want people to relate to the real me.

    I’d rather be anything but ordinary.


    Why am I so broken?

    How do the masks fit so perfectly on my face?

    How does the perfectness for each individual roll off my tongue without a second thought?


    Why do people seem afraid of me?

    Am I scary?

    Or just a stranger?


    People stare at me.

    They hear me.

    Or are they just pretending?

    No one really cares.

    They all leave in the end anyways.


    I am the quiet, bookworm, nerd to them.

    Does anyone really care about my opinion?

    If they do, they don’t ask.


    How do I not feel lonely?

    Or a need to fit in?

    Why do I wish I had no friends at all?

    Why am I saying these things?


    I hate my mind.

    I love my mind.

    I hate my mind like I love my heart, but I love my mind like I hate my heart.


    Can my heart really hurt?

    I spend endless hours, wasting time away on thoughts of seeing you again.

    But you never come.

    I’m not bulletproof.

    Sticks and stones do break my bones.

    And words most certainly hurt me.


    I need a song like this.

    To reflect how I am feeling.

    I need silence.


    Why am I so different?

    Maybe I’m not.

    Am I special?

    Only to those who take the time to know me.

    But who wants to put in the effort of breaking down my walls and masks?


    Can I have a casual affair?

    Or someone to be truthful for once and tell me they don’t want to know anything about me?


    Who am I?

    Who am I?

    Can people just forget me?

    Or can I not fade so easily.


    Why do they seek my guidance, then shut me out?

    Why do they say they love me, then throw me out like trash?

    Why does everyone feel I am so innocent?


    My heart is harder than they think.

    My heart is slowly turning to stone from all the times I’ve been burned.


    Can anyone be honest for once?

    Can anyone just sit with me in silence?


    No.

    No one can.

    Because no one is perfect.

    I am a nobody to everybody.


    I know who I am now.

    I just have to look deep inside me and find the real feelings buried deep down.


    I am the strongest person I know.

    I am a daughter, sister, cousin, niece, granddaughter, great- granddaughter, friend, a confidante.

    I am a realist.

    I am a book lover.

    I am an author.

    I am a nerd.

    I am a baker.

    I am a music lover.

    I am an musician.

    I am stubborn.

    I am not a quitter.

    I am logical.

    I am a daydreamer.


    I am me.

    And I wouldn’t be anyone else.

    Because everyone is such a terrible person to be, and nobody me is so much more tolerable.
    ©kaylak