Love, my father
If I chose death for all my sins. I would have not gained your love. Love is in god, god shows me his love. To whom I could beg for love? We live, breathe, enjoy, mad, melancholic...All these were part of life. I ask god to give excess of emotions. Sometimes I worry that I may tranform into ugly creature for all my worries and depressions. He said I will not leave you nor forsake you, for his words I live my life happily. Not in earthly ways I may get. I live for him. If you let him in your life you won't be starved for any lack. I just wanna share my testimony that god has put in my life. I'm 23, god has been guiding me in all his mighty ways in a splendid. Even words fall to explain the grace on me. He has set me free from all of my tribulations. We live our lives with mixed emotions, literally like, oppositely mixed double emotions in our lives. I have a plan that my god will use me for what I was living. I take more inspirational as job, I will ask same the almighty god to use me like he used job. I know, he has been revealing his mighty ways the day I wrote my exam. Miracles on your way. I cry not slip or flip my thoughts in my mind and to focus his doings. Our god is so lovable god, father of heavens will never let me to stumble. I have a bad life in my past years. Where I live as like I was drunkard, senselessly I used to behave with world. Glad, I have succeeded my life through all that tough times. Hard times are like sailing a boat in tsunami.
Still, he never let my hope to be drowned. I get surplus quantities of blessings all my way, for he set his gift on me. I sailed like a failure. But after I washed in his blood of fire, I could se the real presence of god. Days would be like I fear a lot that I would scold god with bad words but not exactly. "You're what you eat". This mattered my life. I thought and moved with my life with a childish mentality, never thought that something is killing me with life. Slowly that poison injected my body forever like till my last breathe. Never knew the era has killing me with life. Whom I should question that you bruised my life? I can't and won't. 'Cause my purpose is not to make people bad around me even they do harm. In all that ups and downs I challenged my life with the help of god and won. Believe there is good in nasty because god know everything and he will never leave us astray for striving this world. Worldly peace may vanish in seconds but his peace lasts for all eternal lives. I don't know what to do. I always used to behave mad at myself like being a human being I have lost and I was moving dull in all circumstances. I cry whenever all those insults got touched my mind and think enemies swallowed me with life. I might thrown gods words and let my world to enjoy with all shitty things. You even if it is bad to eat, might the health may damage but I also faced lack of knowledge and all insults. Its such a shameful life I would think because I did all worst things with my eyes. People stopped giving respect even now. They disrespect me for all I did. And I never took time to explain what is all. Era has taken its time and I have no time to explain. But, it spoils my mind if they do to me today all that behaviours. What can I do to tell that I was not really into that. No time. No respect. Still they do for me, to gossip even I look so traditionally. Their stamps have black played whenever they happened to see me. Only god knows what all has happened. How much I bear all these years. I will ask only one thing that he has to make my soul happy mentally for this time. I always crave sadness either of happiness after my life being fulfilled. I may enjoy eating, soon I used to face a tfouble for enjoying all these things. I beg god not to trouble me anymore. Because I was here for atleast some years to be actually me recalling my earlier life. Enemies have grumbled on me a lot. May be this is the time where god is setting their mouths shut till my last breathe.