I was entering the car to go home when I heard Nikhil shouting my name. I stops and turns. "What happened?? Why are you screaming??" I said after hearing his footsteps coming near. "The camera" he says catching his breath. "What about camera??" I asks. "The camera we gave Anirudh has some important clips in it. Dinesh sir told me to hand it to you to bring it office tomorrow" he says. Anirudh. He is behaving really unlike of him today. He is yelling things which he don't even want to think. He is shouting but I can hear the real words behind those fake screams. I know something is wrong. He is hiding something. "Nainika" director calling my name pulled me out of my thoughts. "Yes sir" I says. "You did a pretty good job today. I hope you will edit that small argument. Anirudh didn't intend to say all that" director says. He is saying a lot of things he do not want to say nowadays. "Of course, I will" I says. Oh! I should ask him for the camera. Asking Anirudh will just frustrate him even more. If he is disturbed because of me then I should stay away for now. "Sir, I need a small favour from you" I asks. "Yes, what is it??" he asks. "The handy camera we gave Anirudh has some important clips in it so we need it back" I asks. "But Anirudh already left" he says. What should I do now?? Can't even call him. "Don't be sad. His vanity van is here. You can search in there for the camera. I will give you the key" he says. "Thank you sir. Give the keys to Nikhil" I says. "But... " director says. "It's okay sir. He is trustworthy" I says. I gets in the cat after Nikhil left waiting for him. Why do happy moments turns into sad moments all of a sudden?? I was so happy yesterday. I felt like my life is going in the right direction now. But Anirudh started behaving odd today. Without any explanation. What should I do if he continue behaving like this?? I can't go away from him but I don't wanna be the reason of his sufferings. If my existence hurts him this much then should I go away?? Should I just flow away like wind?? I heard footsteps approaching the car and opens the gate assuming it is Nikhil. "I found the camera in the vanity van. You should take it with you" he says. I takes the camera out of his hand. "Thanks" I says and gets into the car.
After taking a bath, I sits on my bed waiting for Ashi and eating something. It's 5:00 o'clock. She will be here soon. I picks up the camera Nikhil gave me from side table. I don't think Anirudh recorded something but I should still check. I searched for the play button and it drops from my hand. Damn. Someone's voice comes. Oh! It's Anirudh's voice. He recorded something. I picks it up. He sighs. "I don't have much time left. How can I even dream of a wish list when I know I wouldn't be able to make them true?? I visited Dr. Jandial, my doctor this morning too. My situation is worsening and I can't find a way to live on. There's no hope for me now helly. You were my last hope but I can't make you suffer because of me. I am afraid that I will die even before I get to tell you how much I love you. There's so much that I want to do for you. There's so much I can do for you but there's no time left. I love you. I am uncontrollably fond of you that's why I can't create bad memories of me dying for you. For anyone. I haven't told anyone and not intend to in future. I have to go and I can't leave you behind helly. I can't leave anyone behind. Everyone is here then why do I have to go?? But remember, no matter how far away I am, I will keep on thinking about you. Even if we may live the rest of our lives far away, longing for each other, I am sure the long wait will also be love. I am.... I can't... I just.... " it says and stops. Tears are rolling down my cheeks. I don't know if whatever I ate just now is making me sick or this vidio. Why is saying all this?? Oh! So that's why he is pushing me away. But, how can this happen?? This is not how we are going to end. Is it?? I thought everything is going to be alright now but it looks like god is planning something else. Why is my life taking a turn like this?? I am afraid that everything my mom fought for would be destroyed in a single moment. I am late. I am late to reach for him. I realised everything really late. I wanted this much time in confussion. If I knew this would happen, I would have hugged him more. I should have said 'I love you' and 'Thank you'. There's a lot of things I should've done but I didn't. I hugs myself and cries. I heard bedroom door opening. "Ashi, how was..... What happened?? Why are you crying??" she says. More tears roll downs my cheeks. "What should I do now, Ashi??" I says sobbing. "Nainika" she says and hugs me. I hugs her tightly and cries. I don't want to cry. But, what else can I do?? This is the only way I have since forever to let my feelings go. I can't express my feelings any other way. "Ashi, can you look over me and make sure I don't cry??" I says. "Don't lie to yourself. Just cry" she says.
(rest will be posted in few minutes)