I sit here thinking how can this be?
My life is good, filled with friends and family. People who love me. And yet, i still feel alone...
I know im not, even if i had no one, I'd have my God! Yet i sit here and drown in my isolation. When the loved ones reach out ill play it off and tell them im fine. Because i know if they saw the saddness it would crush them. So instead i chose to be a light, a fake beacon of hope. But how can you give something you dont have?
Im told it'll all work out, that the trials will pass. But for that to happen you need faith and hope, things ive started to lack.
I watch my friends struggle and i cant help them, i watch my family struggle and i cant help them either.
So i sit her and ask why? Why keep going? What makes this life worth it?
Love? Family? Happiness? These things are a temporary illusion, something only achievable for split moments, before they fall apart and leave you with heartache, grudges, and depression.
I don't know why i continue, but i do. I keep going day by day. I live to honor those who dont. But this life is hard and pulls me down. Down to the point where I'd rather join the dead than face one more day of life.
Ill keep going. Ill keep fighting. But i hope someday soon this weight gets lighter and ill finally be free from this pain.