Jack of all trades, master of none...
Who am I? Why am I here? I don't belong here, I'm not worthy of your time. Excuse me for saying this but I just made a crime. I had no self respect, no intellect, no noting to make my own mama proud. I’ve got things I regret, I’ve got lot of secrets, things that are dirtier than your dirty mind.
You think I'm a Saint, well I am a sinner.
You think that I'm smart well I ain't gonna preach ya' cause I'm worthless and I'm a pain for me I'm just ashamed, you all think I'm happy being lonely so y'all ignore me well things are not the same.
I’m just a little weakling looking for courage for any sign of help and motivational garbage.I see things negatively ain't no pretty things when I'm feeling messy and just lying with my worthless body.
I know I've tried so hard but I've never tried my best cause I wanna do lots of things yeah my life is a mess cause I fear that one day I'll grow older but less of a person my mama raised me hoping I will stood out among the rest but I'm stressed and I can't do this! I can't do this, and I just wanted to give up but if I did I know that my life is gonna drop and I will not just be worthless, my life is useless what's the point of giving up if I only live once yet I die many times and woke up feeling empty wishing time will just stop.
Y'all think I'm okay but I'm not in fact I hate myself for being someone I'm not to the point where my life sucks so bad where I left the things in the past but they just kept coming back. I'm the Jack who traded myself to the lord of ego which is I, I'm the jack who can do things but I never really tried cause I hate it when Mr. Failure say hi and I know I'm a coward I wish I can just fly away from the things that hurt me, the things I regret, the things that I've hidden, the things I've buried, the things that define who I am.
And I wish one day I will simply explode then reload all the good things that I've forgotten when I am old. I hope life will forgive me for not living to the fullest but this pain, this suffering, this story is the greatest lesson that I can tell my children when they are born to this earth so that they will not live the way I did, they will not get too much hurt.
This life is blessing, but I made it a curse. I will not blame Him for the outcomes cause I know that He was the first to offer his hand when I crash on the ground and He pushed me to the limits where I found my sweetest sound, the melody I sing and colors that I paint, in this life I found it easier to just pray and I lift my hands… I forget everything… My life has been a mess for the past ten years but now I'll just let Him stir the wheels while I wipe all my tears. I've judge myself many times,
I've degraded my name and I haven't made my family proud but I'm tired and I just want to lay still on my bed, I'll just put this stupid misery aside and I'll dream big instead.