To places: When we moved into our new home in a completely new town, I remember Mom crying while unpacking the boxes because she missed our previous home, the city and the people there. Back then, the 7-year-old mind of mine couldn't understand the severity of the pain of leaving places. Now, when I've got barely a couple of years to spend in this small town, I realize that I'm probably going to cry too while leaving it. It doesn't matter how small this town is, it has given me so many memories to last for a lifetime, it has helped me find myself, helped me set goals and achieve them. This small town, sitting in the lap of nature with the arms of lush green mountains around it, decorated by its beautiful people will always be a place I call home.
To things: Mumma decided to give away my and my brother's toys to our maid's children. And when she opened the box, most of the toys that were in good shape were mine, probably 17-18 years old but still in very good condition. "Dada ko khilone pasand nahi the kya? Didi ki hi gudiyan jyada hai(did your son not like toys? Your daughter's dolls are more in number)", asked our maid to which mum replied, "Didi ne pyar se sambhalke rakhe hai, Dada ne toh harr khilona toda hai(my daughter has taken good care of them, unlike my son who broke most of his toys)." I remember when dad bought a new car and the delivery person took our old car to put it on sale. I ran after our old car for a small distance with tears in my eyes, my mind not ready to say goodbye to the old car. Sometimes, even the non-living manage to create a place in our hearts.
To people: When I was barely 6 years old or so, my best friend shifted to a new city, leaving behind a huge void inside me, leaving me alone. I cried till I literally choked and got breathless. About a year later when I had to shift to a new place, someone else cried for me too. On the last day of school, many of my friends got emotional but I didn't until I got into high school only to know that no one gives a damn to you. The high school teachers remembered my name only after asking it to me, my high school friends are now out of contact, a goodbye I don't mind saying. But the few friends I made at school stand like a rock behind me now and the teachers ask me about my whereabouts every time we meet. Soon enough, I'm going to have to leave my close people too to achieve my dreams, people like my parents, my brother and my closest friends. And of one thing that I'm sure is that it's not going to be easy at all to bid goodbyes to these people. Not at all.
Everyone will always have at least one thing, one place and one person whom they will never truly say goodbye to. And I'm no different.
The wall clock in my room stopped working yesterday. Now, as I look at its still hands, I am reminded of us. Just like the hands of the stopped clock won't move any further, we ain't heading anywhere, we are stuck right in the middle of everything, in the middle of life.
I consider myself very much blessed to have you in my life. You as a best friend, you as a guide, you as a motivator. Maybe you are more than that, and maybe you know that as well. Or maybe you don't. And maybe I'll never be able to show my love and care for you, cause I'm not very good at expressing my feelings. Plus no one listens to me. That's the reason I write. But nowadays, I don't want just the paper to take in my thoughts, my weird fantasies. I want you to listen to me. Not because I listen to you every time. Maybe because I trust you a little too much.
It's so nice to have someone with whom you can be totally yourself without bothering about what if they judge you. Someone with whom you can share all the crazy ideas stuffed in your brain, someone with whom you can click selfies with weird faces, someone you walk with, with your arm thrown across their shoulder.
Sometimes, you are so close to someone, yet you feel distant from them. Why does that happen? I feel so energetic and confident and bubbly around you but when you go away, you take everything along with you, you take a piece of me along with you every time you leave. Why does that happen, again? You say I am special to you, but then, do you say that to everyone? Why is this insecurity? Why is that nowadays almost all of my musings and poems are about you? Who exactly are you to me? What is this bond?
The next time we have a real heart talk, please answer my questions, cuz I'm tired of hunting 'em without any success. No I won't stop listening to you even though you get all sleepyhead when I need you to listen to me. I'll be there. That's a promise. But I want you to not just promise, but keep it as well, that you'll listen to me, be there. Show me that I matter, show me that you care. And if you don't, tell me that as well. Cuz only words won't work anymore, actions are awaited now. It's totally fine if you stare at all those Barbie doll types the entire day. Even I'll check out the Tom Cruises around. But at the night, let's sneak out to the roof and look into each other's eyes and talk about time travel and how vampires could be real and what will happen if you get the superpower of teleporting and fall asleep like that with one earphone in your ear and the other in mine, listening to Ed Sheeran. Cuz I won't share you, but make sure even I don't get shared.