I saw a little girl, With a cherry smile and pink cheeks, A glow of a thousand fireflies radiating from her round visage. She had no care of the world, Frolicking around she went In a bright yellow frock and matching ribbons.
I see a woman today, With chapped lips and a sullen face She slashed another layer of skin today, to see the crimson gushing out. Her tenebrosity dims a thousand stars. Chained by anxiety and thrashed by self loathe, She floats in a ocean full of fallen angels, With shredded clothes and messy hair she awaits to be one of them.
'Mad' the world calls her, She had exchanged sunflowers for black roses.
Chilly winds beat against her face as warm fluid seeped out of her eyes. She sat on the rooftop with her back against a wall, rocking back and forth like a baby; navigating her way through the same loop of thorns. "Your mother's a witch, she made a puppet out of my son. She is the worst thing that ever happened to this family..... " reverberating in her ears. She had never seen her mother weep like she did. When one day she managed to gather up enough courage and ask her mother if grandma's words didn't affect her, she replied, "Your grandma is an old lady, my dear. She doesn't hold anything against me, but when I fail to meet her expectations she scolds me. That's what every mother does to her daughter, it's all a way to show her love. Besides, I have promised to be with this family through good and bad times so this is where I have to stay for the rest of my life, so these scuffles are typical of all families. Don't worry too much about them." Perhaps these were nothing extraordinary, but she is too sensitive to words. At times, she wants to run away from this house and stay in an empty cabin where she wouldn't hear her family shouting at each other for money and gold. She can feel the bouquet of her family slowly crumbling, as its colourful blossoms wither away.
Hey, Hope you're doing good these days. Just so you know how long I took to write this letter, I had written a ten more of its kind but all of them ended up getting ripped just like my heart. Do you remember the first letter I wrote to you? Yeah, I was a kid back then; fascinated by the word called love, the way it could bring happiness in one's life. Darl, do you remember the cold day of November when we were in ninth grade? You came with a packet of chocolate and confessed your love. I smirked at you saying that love was far from what you could comprehend. From that day onwards, you never crossed my path. You walked away with bleary eyes and an alluring smile. But do you know what? Today I want that day back, I want you back. That guy whom I loved turned out to be a jerk. He promised me forevers and left me in shambles. I'm broken like shards of glass, my sharp edges are ripping everyone around me. I hate that reflection of mine, the one he appreciated with those prudent play of words. I trusted him instead of you and I'm paying for it. I have no right to ask you to come back, have I? I'm being selfish. But my eyes have no more tears in them, nights and days make no difference, I'm tired as hell but still can't sleep, my soul's turning black. Maybe I deserved it, for letting you go, for breaking your heart. #letterc#picturec@writersbay@barasiya__ Hope I didn't ruin such an amazing picture.
Last night they were here, They came in to check if my screams still sounded the same. They had daggers with them, Daggers with which they pierced my epidermis. They dragged me to the dark cellar, Shackled my limbs and lashed at my broken skin. I screamed my lungs out but the fiends smirked at me. I fell at their feet with no hope to spare, They kicked on my face and left me to perish. Blood trickling down my face , I saw their blurry frames walk away.
THE MEET Sadness and happiness met on the street called life: Sadness says, "How lonely I am! No one wants to be my friend."
Happiness replies, " Have you ever tried befriending positivity? Last night I saw him with over thinking "
Sadness says, " I tried but negativity pushed him away and now she says she will be my best friend, but I don't want her."
Happiness smiles, " What about humour! Did you try him? "
Sadness retorts, " But he never stays forever. The moment he leaves I'm infected by gloom"
Happiness wonders, " Would you like to be my friend? "
Sadness sobs, " We are too far away, there are so many rivers to be crossed; the rivers of anger, self-consciousness, sensitivity, stress, heartbreak, pain and so many more. "
Happiness says with a loving smile, " Don't worry I will help you build the bridges over them; the bridge of calmness, self-love, resilience, hope and faith with blocks of love and lots of strength. So one fine day you'll reach me. After all, friendship is all about helping each other. Do you accept my friend request? " Sadness looks with grateful eyes, "Yes, I do."
Meowie: Aah! How beautiful the night is with the moon so bright and you by my side.
Meow: Yes, such a perfect night it is. Meoling, do you know how many tales this dear moon has to listen to all night? Selenophiles humming lovely melodies to it, heartbrokens lamenting about their lost loves, lovers sharing lovenotes, loners confiding in their deepest emotions, incomplete verses of musing poets and what not.
Meowie: Oh dear! How busy he is.
Meow: You know Meoling, the humans have so much to learn from the moon. They never wait to listen to each other while the moon listens to each of their pain and joy with equal attention. #picturec@writersbay
//good-bye to the past, let's embrace our present, and gift our future//
MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS, CAN BE YOURS TOO 1/ change for the better. this year, change your heart, your thoughts. not because they are faulty, but because you can be better. years change, months change but they would be the same if you don't.
2/ spread smiles. 'cause they are a way to escape your dreadful reality. calm your mind and whenever you smile for the sake of others, try to focus on the smile instead of the reason being them. let's alter fake smiles to real ones. let's be happy and make others too.
3/ love yourself, perhaps the most important thing in our life is to discover our own self in bits and parts, among the cities of our dreams or reality. and trust me, even the tiniest bits of yours glow brighter than the diamond. they deserve to be loved by others, but by you first.
4/ embrace your pain. pain is inevitable. i know you have suffered a lot, sometimes more than the person sitting beside you but when you know everyone has felt pain in their lives, somehow it becomes easier to hold onto yours and try to talk to them.
5/ be proud of your mistakes. we are humans and are bound to commit mistakes. maybe hundred or thousands of them. we also might repeat the same mistake, but what we need to focus on is how these mistakes, new or old, have shaped us into where we are now. we are precious. we are worth thousand of diamonds. we are indeed the finest of anecdotes, which we are unaware of.
6/ read, write, speak. reading has been the best way to calm your mind, and learn new things. yes it depends on your choice of books and magazines, but the number of butterflies in your mind increase everytime you breathe words into yourself. a writer or not, you need to write. that's upto you when. when verbal communication gets into abuse, our pen dawns the strength of our metaphors from the heart. and solace is all we feel.
7/ be prepared. The only thing 2020 has taught me is to be prepared for the worse of worst. Mentally, physically, economically. i know it's hard. so hard. but the only way to survive, 'cause life is way too short. just don't make it any more shorter.
8/ live life, love life. i know the feeling when you feel like giving up. nothing in this world makes sense, and you are so fed up you want to leave everything. you think this will be a way for you to break free your pain. what we don't notice often is the darkness after death. the life after death might be there, OR NOT. and what if you can't enjoy in heaven or eavesdrop your friends after death? what if after death, all that is left is our skeleton and flesh rotting on loop? what if our soul is just transferred as matter or as energy, nothing less, nothing more? that's why, love life. live life, 'cause it is worth it. every moment, every second.
9/ be you. you, are one of a kind and you always have been. your soul, your thoughts, it's only you. no one can ever take your place anywhere in this world. maybe your importance fades away with time, to other people. but you are the firefly with a vivid light and life. and everytime you try to pretend like someone you are not, those momemts are wasted. you are being the one of the reasons for your subdued glow, while you are the brightest star in your own sky. know your importance 'cause you matter.
I hope this gives strength to those who can't stand up for themselves. ❤
First things first, I wasn't spreading any rumours, I just happened to talk to a few of your victims, which btw are so many of them. like literally every other girl has been approached by you in this fake trap of love. and i came to know about this very late xd till then there were already a hundred such stories about you. So yea lol im not ruining your name. woh toh tumne khud kiya hai aisi harkate karke. believe me, im actively trying not to get involved in this xd lucky you :P
but i think its high time you wake the fuck up. you should be working on your own behavior rather than blaming people for calling you out. coz for you it may not seem that serious of an offense, it might be fun or relief from depression or whatever the fuck you have, but for the girls it's life ruining, you are fucking RUINING their lives. do you even get it??????? using LOVE for such a vile purpose. and i feel so bad for every girl you start targeting. i feel bad coz i cant tell them how an asshole of a person you are. i feel so helpless.
and you want a war lmao. bruh you're out there abusing girls who aren't even 18. NOT EVEN 18. and YOU want a war WITH ME? LMAO are you stupid enough to believe that none of the girls took ss? xD like are you that fucking dumb? xd
lucky for you, im just trying to lay low. i already have a lot of my own problems to deal with. so im not gonna get more into this. this is my first and last post about you and your issue. it isn't my war anyways, unless you wanna bring it to me :3
just be happy with the fact that the girls haven't fucked you up yet xd you have no idea how many people DESPISE YOU. you should be worried more about them, rather than me. *sighs*
hope you get your act together. and be a better guy. have a nice 2021.
Aarey mere Shehjadey... Mere jyada barey khuab nahi hai tumhare saath, Mai bas tumhare saath apna waqt bitana chahti hu;
Agar tumhe pata hai ki mai tumhe kitna chahti hu.. To kis baat ke liye itna tarpate ho? Bas agar tumney ek bar bol diya ki, "Suno... I love you too " Phir mai jaan de dungi par hamara rishta kabhi tootney nahi dungi.
Lekin tumne agar... "Naa" bol diya to? Phir bhi koi baat nahi....( haa shayad) Aarey na na... Stay positive
Pata hai kya?... Tumhara call ya message aane par mera Chehra ekdam khil uthta hai, Ki maano mujhe duniya ki saari khushiya mil gayi ho
Tumharey status dekhkar bohot bar sochti hu.. Ki status ke bahaney he sahi, ek message kar he deti hu Aur puri koshish karu ki wo baatein kabhi khatam he na ho
Mai bas ye chahti hu ki mere paas raho tum... Mere saath raho tum...
Lo... Aab to ye saal 2020 bhi khatam hone ko aaya hai, Aur mainey tumhe aab tak nahi bataya ki tum mere liye kitney mainey rakhte ho
Ye saal sabke liye itna accha nahi raha.. Bohot mushkiley aayi iss saal.. Lekin 2020 yaad rahega jarur
To chalo.. 2020 ko alvida kehte hai; Aur 2021 ka ek bari si muskaan ke saath swagat karte hai
What does that mean? According to Google, it’s ‘a person that prefers not to associate with others’. I’ll admit, it does sound better than ‘a person with no friends’, like I had come to believe.
It was eighth grade, and my basketball teammates were discussing ‘best friends’. As usual, I was reluctant to join in and preferred to focus on practice. But then one of them turned to ask me. Who’s your best friend? No one. So you’re a loner, then? Yes.
A second later I heard them sniggering behind my back. I didn’t get it then. In fact, it was the first time I’d heard that term and but the meaning was quite plain. And I wasn’t ashamed of it either. It wasn’t that I didn’t have friends. No, not the online ones you talk to once in a blue moon. I had people whom I could actually call friends. I sat with them in classes, played with them in breaks and planned all the hangouts and stuff friends usually do. But there was something about this word, “loner” that continued to irk.
I had had some terrible experiences with past friends, some too weird to even talk about, and each time I ended up discovering that I’m better off alone. I’ve always been an introvert from head to toe, but varying in degrees. Two years ago was the most extraverted I’ve ever been, probably because that was time I had been participating in various extra-curricular activities. Now that I’ve had almost a year to myself, I’m back to my usual self.
A loner? Let’s see. I have a small but the most wonderful group of friends I could ever imagine having. They support me, they get me, and that’s more than I could’ve asked. They’ve been with me for enough time for me to move beyond my past experiences and become a better, more accepting person. I also had a friend once who was more like me than myself, but self- sabotage is my personal demon and I’ve ruined things with him. But that shouldn’t be an issue, right? Because I didn’t love him.
I’d like to quote a writer here, one that I look up to, who once wrote; “I envy people who can say ‘I love you’”.
I definitely can’t. Not once in my life I’ve been able to say that. Even when my mom tells me she loves me, all I can do is slightly smile. I love my mother above everything else in the world, but I can’t say that to her. When my friends tell me they love me, I’ve learned to laugh off my lack of proper response, because whatever I do, I can’t make it sound like I mean it. And the thing is, this comes naturally to most people I’ve met, so there must be something wrong within me. And it’s not apathy, it’s far from apathy. More like an inability to express through words (which is just ironic), or something that goes beyond that, like when at times I cannot bring myself to believe when people say that and start questioning the meaning of love itself.
Another thing I’ve discovered during this quarantine is that people just randomly call up other people to talk. Social media, of course, simplifies this whole thing but as I wasn’t on any, I had lost touch with most people. (And nothing has changed yet). More surprised I was at the fact that I didn’t feel in any sense left out by it, as I would’ve done a few years ago. Rather, I told myself that I would’ve been downright annoyed if someone called me up every week with no other reason but to talk, so it was only fair that I don’t do this to anyone else. Not that I felt like it, either; I was relieved by the peace.
All this things do add up to introversion, don’t they? But what difference does it make? I can be outgoing, but I need recharge time. I hate parties, I’d rather spend an evening inside a cave. I don’t think it necessary to talk to people just for the sake of keeping in touch. I don’t believing in maintaining friendships that I never considered as friendships anyway. I’d rather detach myself from everyone so I can clearly focus on myself (and a small group of people who I actually care about and who care about me). For some people it’s not this way, some people may even find this appalling, but it’s who I am. Pretending to be something else has only thrown me further off my course.
And of course, introversion is an incredibly wide field in itself, not all have to be this way. The emotional detachment, for example. If you’re an INTP, like me, maybe you’d relate. But most people I meet don’t tend to analyse these things as much as I do. In fact, I’ve never met anyone who was exactly like me. But then, the ‘me’ I show to others isn’t exactly like me, either.
There’s a saying that if you believe in your strengths too much it becomes your weakness. Perhaps, I just made that up. (The real one is that your biggest strength is also your biggest weakness, but it’s the same thing in my head). I’ve either scoffed at people who put their emotion on a higher pedestal than thoughts, or pitied them. Anyway, I’ve always been glad I wasn’t one of them. I’d do anything for the people I care about, as long as it fits within the boundary of logic. If something doesn’t add up to me, I’ll simply leave it. Unfortunately, this also extends to emotions of others. While I’ve been told I keep my emotions locked out, it’s not the same case for everyone else. I absolutely hate myself for the times when I’ve hurt people by showing disregard for their emotions. Not always, I’m nothing close to a robot (as much as I feel like one right now), but this has happened more times than I care to admit. Like I said, what I consider to be my strength, is also one of my deepest weakness.
I have no idea where I’m going with all of this, but feels good to lift some of the weight that has been lurking around since months. I read somewhere (most probably on an astrology site) that the realization that I won’t be able to love the way I’d imagined would be a startling discovery for me. And for some reason, that stuck. And with every day I feel like I’m moving a bit closer to that realization. Nobody’s perfect, not in the least me. And if there’s someone I can always rely on, it’s my self- sabotaging demon. It tends to activate in emotionally delicate situations, especially when my feelings are on the verge of being exposed. You probably think I’m paranoid, who tf thinks all that?
But I’ve seen that happen already. Twice, thrice, I’ve lost count. I don’t enjoy leaving people hanging, and I don’t like myself for it. But there’s always some reason that pops up for not becoming too close to a person whenever I’m about to. And I always end up running away from the situation. I don’t like myself for it. I really don’t.
And I just cannot stand all the write ups I see up here from people who are either in love or fancy being in love. Now enough for my cynicism, I wasn't always like this. There was a time even I wrote some of them, but now I simply cringe at it. Maybe this is just a place that I am at. I’ll move on, for what it’s worth.
So I guess I can say I’m a loner. I value solitude. I keep most people at an arm’s length and I prefer to keep it that way. But I do care for my friends. And my family. And so I’ve decided to stick with the Google definition of it.
Thank you for reading. And may your new year be a lot happier than this one.