_firefly

no matter how much i wish to write. i can't. i can't

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  • _firefly 5d

    My dear lover,

    It's almost time. I have to leave with all the memories you embedded in my every fall. Leave you yearning, waiting for me again. Leave with with a warm heart so you can try to forget what being gelid feels like.

    It's almost time. I have to say goodbye to come visit you again next year and stay with you for some time again. I know you'll visit the mosque near your house, everyday, worshipping for me to return soon, but I will come, when it's time again.

    It's almost time. I wish I could freeze the time like I do everything else. I wish the summer could cease to exist and let me fall over and over again to wipe the bloodstains the war left on you. I wish the war had ended, so that you would've been unblemished outside, just like you're on the inside. I wish you were not the breathing graveyard of these corpses screaming for help.

    My dear, wait for me, no matter how many people leave you, I won't. But I need to go now, to let the chinar leaves bloom again in your valleys. I've told them to grace your beautiful soul till I return. It's almost time. I'm going.

    Yours lover,
    The last snowfall of winter.

    ©_firefly

    #lfsfc
    @writersbay i love you.
    The above letter is addressed to the beautiful Kashmir Valley.
    Peace.

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    / i wish we never parted ways /

  • _firefly 1w

    Dear hidden me,

    I think we've met in my conscious sleep twice or thrice. You're an ancient soul, never praised for being so. Unlike me you're an introvert, lost, inside the blues and greys, in this motley world.

    No matter how harsh the surroundings get, you're always calm. You're the peaceful side in my restless soul. I know I never acknowledge your presence or thank you, but I need to say, you're really really important for my existence. You're my spine, my drive, everything that keeps me intact in this broken world.

    On our first meeting, you didn't talk much about who you were. I never asked you, but I realized you wanted to converse through silence, as if it was the best language we could speak. Your crimson hands, your face sparkling like a firefly, your dark hair and your hazel eyes, you looked like me, you looked like poetry.

    On our second meeting, I knew who you were. Out of nowhere I blamed you for everything, for my shaking hands, for my disappearing words, for my anxious self. Deep down I was jealous of you. Because once I was you and you were me. And you simply said, ' Calm down. Introspect. Hear it, silence is the answer to all your anxiety. '

    You've taught me patience. You're the one who makes me strong. I can let everyone go but you. All my metaphors are festooned with the sanguinity you give me. You're the poet, I am just a medium you break through the silence. Return home soon, my sky is forlorn without you.

    With sincere gratitude,
    Yours mate firefly


    @writersbay thank you for this wonderful prompt.
    #ltselfc

    Lines on the background are from the song "beginning middle end"
    And I humbly take the background credits.

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    /Sometimes, it’s hard to see what the future holds
    And most times, it feels like a steep climb, and that’s alright/

  • _firefly 1w

    I hope it helps.

    PS. The vegan people like me might think of something else than eggs��

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  • _firefly 1w

    As the dusk arrives, pain skimmed through my skin, smearing each drop of life inside my soul onyx. I plummet to the ground slowly, scrounging for pieces of the heart you broke a long time ago as it is the only living thing left in my body.

    I hear your voice in the large void of silence around me. I see your face lying in the dark quilt of my life. You're the only one I want to talk to, even after you killed me in every possible way because love is inescapable and I haven't been taught how to fall out of it.

    The moon rules the sky, so does my hope that one day you'll again come back, it'll be again all right. And with the shooting star I wish the best for you, as you called me a selfless lover.

    And then I walk into the subconscious to relive all the things. There I saw your face, all my pain was absorbed by the smoke all around. There was nothing more poetic than your presence.

    I saw you and my face lit up like the moon and I didn't need any sky to shine in. In that moment I was safe and I knew it.

    /i smiled for real after a long time/

    _firefly

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  • _firefly 2w

    A Fallen Poet.

    Heere moti mai na chahu,
    mai to chahu sangam tera,
    mai to teri,
    saiyyaaan,
    tu hai mera/

    How do I keep all this pain you give inside me? How do I not shout when you pierce my heart wide open and leave it bleeding crimson void and plaintive metaphors? How am I so patient when it comes to you, to love, as if you're a god and I'm your only worshipper. I ask all these questions to myself everyday in a hope that I might find an answer someday, just the way I hope you'll come back once again. But it's all false, it's all silent, it's all hurting.

    Tu jo chhule pyaar se,
    araam se mar jaau mai,
    aaja chanda baahon mein,
    tujh mein hi gum ho jau mai,
    tere naam mein kho jaau mai/

    "Never ignore a person who cares for you and loves you because one day you'll realise you've lost moon while counting the stars", you once said me. And you declared me as the moon to your sky, as the light to your dark and as the ally you'll never want to loose for anything. But one day a hurricane swept off everything we had, us.

    Mere din khushi se jhoome,
    gaaye raatein,
    Pal pal mujhe dubaaye jaate jaate,
    Tujhe jeet jeet haaroon,
    yeh praan praan varoon,
    Hay aise main nihaaroon,
    Teri aarti utaaroon,
    Tere naam se jude hai saare naate/

    And as the dusk arrives, it brings along all the words you said to me, slowly poisoning every drop of my dark blood. Our happy memories skim through my dreams and turn them into nightmares. I feel like the only victim of the charade of love, who's nothing but broken, nothing but dust and ashes. And I still worship you as if you're the only god I've seen and I ingeminate your name on the beads as if it is the only word I know.

    Ye naram naram nasha hai badhta jaaye,
    Koi pyaar se ghunghatiya deta uthaye,
    ab bawra hua man,
    Jag ho gya hai roshan,
    Ye nayi nayi suhaagan,
    hogyi hai teri jogan,
    koi prem ki pujaran mandir sajaye/

    As the night grows dark, your absence hurts more. You took me away from all those who loved me and then left me in the middle of nowhere, even after saying you wouldn't. You told me ours will be a happy ending, but who likes happy endings anyways. I stand there unrescued, as a fallen poet, weaving poetries for you to read. I can't even go back from where we started because all the tears you gave me wiped everything off, and I've no traces left of my steps, of myself.

    _firefly

    Thank you for ❤ @writersnetwork
    / lines are from a song saiyyan by kailash kher.

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    A Fallen Poet.

  • _firefly 2w

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY @jiniaa @sans_brones @toobakhan @lovesmessenger and also aditi's sister��
    HAVE A WONDERFUL YEAR AHEAD!
    I WISH YOU ETERNAL JOY!

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  • _firefly 3w

    PS. She's nothing but in the mood to escape.

    Mann ni kia delete krne ka. ��

    @jiniaa

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    She's from the world where sanctified souls run free under the vast azure of serenity.

    She's from the world where nothing negates one's mind, a place called hiraeth.

    She's from the world where fireflies sing beguiling aubade when the sun kisses the sea.

    She's from the world of ataraxia where the language spoken is the metaphors of silence.

    She's an empyrean goddess of peace and tranquility, whose aura is brighter than the sun.
    ©_firefly

  • _firefly 3w

    To the one who used to love me,


    / pass aaye duriyan fir bhi kam na hui
    ikk adhuri si hamari kahani rahi /

    The day when you said that you loved me for the first time, trust me I would've died of happiness that day. All that time you were near me, I wish I could write it all in my beguiling metaphors to immortalize us and our love.

    / asmaan ko zamin ye zururi nahi ja mile
    ishq sacha vahi jisko milti nahi manzilein /

    But it all passed so fast, the time, you, us and now all I'm left with are the happiest memories of my existence which pain me the most. Every day I try not to look at them but at the end I end up standing in that cold graveyard which pains me more than death.

    / rang they, noor tha, jab kareeb tu tha
    ikk jannat sa tha ye jahan /

    I wrote so many poems to you which you will never probably read because you're too afraid to be loved. You said I was the moon to your sky, and you were nothing but a little firefly trying to reach me. But I am in the waning phase now, loosing all my light and I can't find you my firefly.

    / waqt ki reth pe, kuch mere naam sa
    likh ke chhor gya, tu kaha? /

    Alone, I'm ricocheting the corridors of my life, trying to find you and failing at every corner. I call out your name and I hear it echoing. The air is filled with your fragrance, your presence, but you aren't there.

    / intezaar tera sadiyon se kr raha
    Pyaasi baithi hai kabse yaha /

    From wishing for your happiness in my every prayer to worrying about you every moment, I try to keep you alive in me. Everyone in this world teaches how to fall in love but no one tells you how to stop. I don't want to unlove you but the more I love you, the more it consumes me and leaves me with nothing but a quill and pain, to romanticize.

    / jhuk gya aasman milgye do jahan
    har taraf hai milan ka sama
    doliyan hai saji, khushbuyein har kahin
    padhne aaya khuda khud yahan /

    Like the earth swallows the sun at the horizon, I swallow all my pain at the end of the day, pottering in the horizon of saudade. And I start writing letters and sonnets to remember you with my every breath, every word. The pages of my diary are filled with our tales of tragic love and all I do is carve your name again and again. I promised you to happily receive anything you gave me.
    So do you think I'm wearing this affliction of separation well?

    Yours lover
    _firefly


    #lettersbyfirefly

    Thank you for reading the whole series. I'll end it here.

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  • _firefly 3w

    To the one whom I still remember sometimes,

    You remember that song you used to sing me when I was too broke to close my eyes and stop my brain from lurking in the streets of pain? Today I heard that song on the radio at tea stall where we used to sip tea together in the middle of the night.

    Suddenly there was a wave of memories you left. When that song began, I just started to relive all those moments with you. The way I made you dance in the rain, that night. The way you cared for me when I caught fever after that dance.

    I just never wanted that song to end, just the way I wanted for us to never part ways. You are my favourite melody and I sing your different verses in different rhythms.

    And it again rains tonight, reminding me all the parallels I drew between you two. The way you wiped away all the pain out. The way you spread joy. The way you heal everything. It's pitter-patter like your voice.

    Eventually rain will go just like you did. But I promise I'll never let you both fade away.

    Yours charm
    _firefly


    #lettersbyfirefly

    I don't feel it's good enough.

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    / you're still alive in my broken, dead heart /

  • _firefly 3w

    To the one with whom I grew in love,

    I still remember the day I first saw you. Your smile as wide as the crescent moon. Your hazel eyes twinkling like stars. Your dark talks making me question my very existence. You were like the night sky I never got to gaze at due to the citylights.

    Slowly we became friends, it was so joyous to be around you. The way you let me be bold as I was. The way you never questioned my ways. The way you made me feel good about myself. The way you gave this wildflower a place in your home garden.

    I've had friends before you but you were something special. You were the angel carved out of love and compassion, standing in flesh and bones by my side. And slowly we grew together, into love.

    In this big plagiarized world, you're the masterpiece god created with utmost serenity and sincerity.

    Yours charm
    _firefly

    #lettersbyfirefly

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    / you make me an angel in the hell, you are my patience /