_kabir

Am I too good to be gone?

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  • _kabir 4d

    Cry

    I've murmured despair into my existence my while life when the sudden halt of hope has really make me feel like human again.

    These hands of machinery walking past through heartaches and now suddenly I'm something I don't, again want to be.

    "I can just love this much."

    ....That there was something

    The needing of needing you

    And the way how flowers bloom

    Someone please turn off the chamber of feelings

    And then I'll be misplaced

    As I was never changed by the presence of your existence.

    Some nights I need you

    And some nights, I must not.

    And still I do Cry

    Even though we all are just some passer-by


    ©_kabir

  • _kabir 2w

    • THERAPIST •


    I have been doing great. I...go out more often, play stupid games with some so called friends. Go out to some parties more often and this is great actually.

    Trapping yourself in a maneuver era where your soul is too old for things like being a stupid teenager.
    Trapping yourself in a realm where you're that delusional human being who's just existing.

    But anyways......I am doing great. I've stopped seeing things. I don't get flashbacks from that night anymore. At least that's what I tell myself.

    I keep telling myself my mind isn't a realm I should be within more often. It's toxic and I know it. But is this world less toxic than that?



    I have also started saying myself to "Man Up". I guess that's progress?




    But my brain has turned into an

    O R C H E S T R A

    Playing the melody of

    I N S A N E



    I do social contacts more and I don't stop breathing in the middle of nights. My asthmatic things has stopped
    (Everything I sleep, it's because I blacked out from things I consumed)



    They've told me so far
    That the life I've been shown
    Is all about destroying my own.

    Why
    Do I still have
    This memory & the lane I don't wanna ride.




    © K A B I R









    @redrivergirl

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    I was doing great.

    I was dancing beneath the street lamps.
    Then I saw a part of Street where there was a void""
    Dark.

    And it lured me there with my hand holding a burning cigar and here I am.

  • _kabir 3w

    There's a different force other than light that drives me everyday. A darker force in this world myriad which pinches silhouettes of ache in my heart leaving no empty void behind.

    Whenever I want to do something, darkness drives me.


    ...
    ......

    ........


    I think that's the reason why I think I'm not like others.

    """""""""""


    Whenever I want to write, there's gotta be something terrible happening or else I would just end up putting bullshit on an already flaked paper.



    © K A B I
    R







    ___
    @writersnetwork #ceesreposts #julietscorner #tanzread

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  • _kabir 4w

    If a man doesn't write poetries to jot his sorrows down;
    His hands indulges in things replacing a pen;
    A big cigar taking place of a trash pen.
    And that's how the doomed ones were men.


    As mad & sickening as it may look
    This world has taught quite a few with his tactics.
    See the relics of that man who once was innocent
    And now, understands the mysteries in his head like no other.


    ©_kabir





    #ceesreposts #julietscorner

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  • _kabir 5w

    // AFTER-RAPE THOUGHTS //



    I slit my wrist and watched as the most darker shade of red turned into lighter shade as it got mixed with the water of bathtub I was sitting in.

    I watched myself bleed as I opened my chart where I tracked how many days I got through without doing this.
    "1 month 3 days"
    "2935504 seconds to be precise"

    What if I don't survive this night? Would I still see the meadowlarks of the oceans making sound in this empty hollow space in my chest?

    I won't have this pain anymore.

    I won't have to live inside this skin which was touched without my consent once. I won't have to exist in this physical existence, in this skin I just can't crawl myself out from.

    This name....this.....legacy it carries.

    Legacy to be Barnes & Noble.

    To be the best of the best.



    If I won't survive this night,
    This angel who was born in this unholy night,
    Would get back his wings
    And will fly above the hell
    And the oceans of miseries he endured
    Endured because of the Butterfly paradox.


    Was it worth it, fate?
    My life for someone else's?


    As long as I was here
    I couldn't help but rewatch that unholy night playing in my head like the song that gets stuck but instead this memory is stuck as long as I'm alive and in flesh.
    This overdose of OD's and numbness and with that, the human nature playing the role of demon from the hell.


    // DUET //

    Wrath,
    Yet didn't scream.

    Numbness,
    Still watched all of it happening right in front of my eyes.

    Primary aorta,
    I have pretty much hell lot of nerve to pick that nerve to cut straight through.
    And watch it happen
    As I assure the shortage of "life" from my life.



    "How can you pick this method to destroy yourself!!?"
    "Isn't it too painful?"

    -Yes, it is. But the last thing I'd like to do before I go non-existent is to see that body get destroyed. The most which was touched without my consent, the body I can't crawl myself out from. The body which was, raped.

    I even hate my name now.
    -Changed it too.

    Those memories of her calling that name in that unholy demonic night, in that witchy hour where she casted a spell of overdose and I just watched it all happen.



    I think even if we're saved now, would we ever be normal again?
    (Is it even a thing now)

    Do try to try to try not to try too much otherwise you'll feel bad of even after trying & trying & trying all that happened was that you still don't know your own name.
    (The name that is yet to be chosen by you.)

    A Survivor?
    A Warrior?
    A go-through?
    A maniac?
    Or
    Kabir?
    Kabir?
    Kabir?


























    K A B I





    R






















    .

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  • _kabir 5w

    Between my lips

    Is the destruction of my embodiment

    Doesn't matter if it's a cigarette

    Or your lips.

    ©Kabir

    _________

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  • _kabir 5w

    Yet as I fell into this hell

    I had just one fear

    The fear of not falling properly

    That I'll get bruises in the process

    In the process of falling in this pit hole.



    On my bed are spider webs

    But I had hope and one fear left

    Of what I would become in this process of falling




    I'm laying down, eating snow

    For its a memory when I was happy

    My insides are rotten,

    My tongue is cold.





    Everyday people say I'm an elite

    Because they see shine

    When I aim at the sky





    From the start, they didn't know

    Exactly why, Whhyyy



    My heart was made out to curse the heavens

    My eyes want to burn when they see this sane world

    Where people don't know whether to be sane or insane

    If you kill yourself because you lost your sanity, it's insane

    But if you keep it all inside, and be insane for your whole life; you die a sane person.




    Winter came and it made my veins and heart

    look alike, look alike

    (Cold and rotten, barely functioning)





    Tell me that I'm that very soul
    Who looks just like your destruction
    Who looks just like your destruction






    The curse looks like a red carpet show

    But your words sounds like a graveyard of broken hearts you've buried and the people you've changed.



    ©K A B I R
    ____________
    @writersnetwork @dusky_dawn @alto_spade @sakshirajput @redrivergirl #ceesreposts #tanzread #julietscorner

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  • _kabir 5w

    // I'm not perfect anymore //

    - An ode by darkness thinking why it sucks away light.



    Far gone away

    Are my perfections







    Would things be easier

    If uncertainty could be more certain







    Hail the lord of mistakes

    I skip the burning ropes

    In hopes of building bridges anew.





    So I fall in love with myself

    A little less, a little more everyday

    With the version I lost.





    Whisper some happiness to my hands reach

    Everything seems too fragile a bit





    I have scraped myself

    To dance with someone new






    Honey, it's the Christmas Eve

    But sometimes I can never believe

    It's just a Gatsby like you used to be

    Never stayed, but still always adored by me.






    © K A B I R










    (I tried but can't write something good.)

    _______________
    @lighght @despair @alto_spade @oracular_ @sakshirajput #ceesreposts #julietscorner @still_fragile

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    ©_kabir

  • _kabir 6w

    // My lips make a crescent in this silent night //





    The time had a break outrunning my fate.

    From the cards of my travel,

    Faithful friends turned to just an acquaintance.




    And the sun will shed the light on my face

    When I'll see myself in the mirror

    An entity I can't stand

    An existence that brings me despair.





    My hands can't handle myself

    Not after what I've done

    Not after what I've become.




    The devil saw me in the eyes

    As I tried to assure myself

    I'm less evil than he is;





    He asked me one thing as it goes:

    I reasoned & fought with God

    For that, I was banished to hell

    For that, I became dead.



    And here you are, walking on the earth

    Like nothing happened, like that girl didn't die.

    Like you're some kind of a saint,

    Like you still, deserve redemption.



    Do me damage

    In fact it's already done

    But when it's more sadder than just pure despair,

    Pick up that cigarette

    And let your existence fade away.



    Let

    Your

    Existence

    Fade Away.





    Hold on, I still think I can be better

    But the fires of accusations

    Make me imagine the otherwise.


    The demons I was made up

    Left me alone in boredoms of standing in line of redemption.

    I swayed round in the heart of those who loved me

    They didn't know I could do that exactly

    I still killed her and I faced that truth as I stood still.




    Hold on, I still want hope.

    I think I can be good.

    I miss those streets where my knees were bleeding

    I miss those hands who still had 'Hope' for me.




    But as I got wounded

    I finally founded

    The kind of a monster I am

    The scars I so easily fathom.





    © K A B I R
    _______________________________

    @sadiaquadir @lighght @fireblast_ @petrichor_tales @writersnetwork #ceesreposts #julietscorner #tanzread

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