I slit my wrist and watched as the most darker shade of red turned into lighter shade as it got mixed with the water of bathtub I was sitting in.
I watched myself bleed as I opened my chart where I tracked how many days I got through without doing this. "1 month 3 days" "2935504 seconds to be precise"
What if I don't survive this night? Would I still see the meadowlarks of the oceans making sound in this empty hollow space in my chest?
I won't have this pain anymore.
I won't have to live inside this skin which was touched without my consent once. I won't have to exist in this physical existence, in this skin I just can't crawl myself out from.
This name....this.....legacy it carries.
Legacy to be Barnes & Noble.
To be the best of the best.
If I won't survive this night, This angel who was born in this unholy night, Would get back his wings And will fly above the hell And the oceans of miseries he endured Endured because of the Butterfly paradox.
Was it worth it, fate? My life for someone else's?
As long as I was here I couldn't help but rewatch that unholy night playing in my head like the song that gets stuck but instead this memory is stuck as long as I'm alive and in flesh. This overdose of OD's and numbness and with that, the human nature playing the role of demon from the hell.
// DUET //
Wrath, Yet didn't scream.
Numbness, Still watched all of it happening right in front of my eyes.
Primary aorta, I have pretty much hell lot of nerve to pick that nerve to cut straight through. And watch it happen As I assure the shortage of "life" from my life.
"How can you pick this method to destroy yourself!!?" "Isn't it too painful?"
-Yes, it is. But the last thing I'd like to do before I go non-existent is to see that body get destroyed. The most which was touched without my consent, the body I can't crawl myself out from. The body which was, raped.
I even hate my name now. -Changed it too.
Those memories of her calling that name in that unholy demonic night, in that witchy hour where she casted a spell of overdose and I just watched it all happen.
I think even if we're saved now, would we ever be normal again? (Is it even a thing now)
Do try to try to try not to try too much otherwise you'll feel bad of even after trying & trying & trying all that happened was that you still don't know your own name. (The name that is yet to be chosen by you.)
A Survivor? A Warrior? A go-through? A maniac? Or Kabir? Kabir? Kabir?
I walked down the lane of your heart There were grief, joy, happiness and depression sitting alongside Narrating tales of their experiences with life But there was not a single soul that welcomed me Finding myself alone I sat and wept like a child Not for leaving my own house and reaching yours But when I couldn't find refuge Sensing my discomfort a lad came and embraced me with open arms I asked his name And he whispered 'emptiness'
Scratch open my flesh Suck out my soul Crush my ribcage And dive right in Cut open my heart Or squeeze the pump out of it After you are done Dig your hands Let my verses pull you under Don't swim on the surface Instead go under Deep into the ocean Floating on surface hurts Drown yourself Go as deep as you can Keep going And when you shall feel you're lost You would find yourself Don't turn back You might suffocate When you shall find complete darkness I would turn on the light Don't shut your ears over the echoes Listen them carefully They would take your name Don't cry Don't turn to get me back either For reaching here You have already lost me..