Missing new medium

_kaneki64

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  • _kaneki64 1d

    "What am I getting from this friendship of ours? What do I have except the joy of giving? I have nothing to hold on to when I'm falling apart alone, scared like a lost child. Sure you have made me into this completely different person since we met, but now I'm breaking. And I got so attached to you that I gave you all the power to destroy me. Slowly, with each word you say. I don't know if you'll understand what it feels like. My head can't think clearly, my chest feels like it's being crushed, my breathes keep breaking and it suffocates me. My stomach starts sinking and it feels like I'm falling down while lying on my bed. And I wish I could die in that moment, I feel like I would hit rock bottom any second now but I don't. I keep breathing and it hurts."

    ©_kaneki64

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  • _kaneki64 2w

    Was it all just a scam
    Were you tricking yourself
    Were you hoping for a miracle
    Or in need of their help
    Were you thinking you were better
    Than the rest who failed
    Or was it their choice
    That they got up and bailed
    If you'd never begun
    Would you still be this lost
    If it could be erased
    Tell me what would it cost
    And even if the price
    Wasn't too high to pay
    Would you still be around
    Or would you walk away
    Tell me how long you've waited
    Tell me how long you'd wait
    Tell me how long would it take you
    To see that you're late
    And what would be enough
    To make you understand
    That it's nobody's problem
    In nobody's hand
    Tell me would you consider
    By the end of this poem
    That you've walked on forever
    Just to get to your home
    And there's a crossroads ahead
    And there's nowhere to go
    And the summer has ended
    You're buried in snow
    Would you let go of your dream
    When I call you again
    Would it help you to give up
    Would it ease off your pain
    For it doesn't come easy
    If I do recall
    And sometimes, it doesn't
    Arrive at all


    ©_kaneki64

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  • _kaneki64 3w

    टुकड़ा टुकड़ा समेट कर मैने, अपने ढांचे पे इख्तियार किया,
    मेरी हालत वो हो गई है कि, कोई छू ले तो टूट जाऊँगा।

    ©_kaneki64

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  • _kaneki64 5w

    I know very well that I am empty inside, the question of the day is how much?
    How much sorrow do I need to bleed?
    How much love would fill my cup?

    ©_kaneki64

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  • _kaneki64 7w

    "You are loved"
    "You are appreciated"
    "Your existence matters to me"
    "You make me happy"

    As someone who hasn't heard these words since a very long time, I urge you to go and tell someone how much they mean to you. It's not as obvious as you might think.

    Some of you maybe high on self love side of the spectrum but let me tell you, that is a different kind of love. It's not even love in the sense you and I understand it. As a concept, it only means that one should also care about one's own well being as they do of other's. But that's it. It doesn't give your life any purpose or motivation. And trust me everyone is craving to be told that their life is not in vain.

    For the past few days, years on a broader scale, I haven't felt genuine love. And at times, it keeps me awake at night while I wait and wait and wait. And after a while, when one forgets how it feels like, they wouldn't be able to believe you even if you tell them. And they won't ask for it out of shame, or guilt, or just out of fear.

    So please, if there is someone out there who deserves to hear these words, go and tell them as loud and clear as you can. Tell them as many times a day and as many times a week as you feel like. Say it and mean it.

    And if it's you who needs to hear this, I'm sorry that we don't know each other so well as to make my words mean anything to you. But for what it's worth, I genuinely hope that someone finds the courage to tell you how special you are to them. Have a great day.

    ©_kaneki64

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  • _kaneki64 7w

    I was away. So far away from these people I now call my friends. And I had my share of empty days and hollow nights. I cried myself to sleep every night knowing that it's not going to get any better. I smoked and I smoked and I smoked until my lungs couldn't take another one before I went to bed. Occasionally I laughed at myself and everything breathing and dead around me and I laughed until my jaw hurt. I even drank. It was as if I was hell bent on destroying myself so passionately that there were days when I forgot about why I was doing it. But even after all that, even when I was alone as some might say, I was getting used to the life I was forced to live.

    It was not good at all. Every other day my chest wanted to burst but it didn't. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I was drunk but I didn't lose myself on a highway in the middle of the night. I was asking for it but I had not you and I had not the alternative. But I shouldn't have believed the people who told me I can be cured. I shouldn't have reached out. Now I am not alone. But I am more helpless than I have ever been. Now my eyes cannot look away from the very thing I am not allowed to touch. And I am not used to this. Looking you in the eyes and pretending that everything is alright. Telling myself that my hands are still as empty as they used to be does not help when you are standing so close that I can reach out to you with just the tip of my finger. And yet I am drifting away from everything and everyone without moving an inch from where I stand alongside you.

    This I have brought upon myself so foolishly. And foolish I have always been. And perhaps foolish I will always be. You know that very well. How was this supposed to end. This was meant for you. But this is as far as it will go. And perhaps it doesn't matter. All I know is that I want to sob until blood drains out of my eyes. I want to smoke until my lungs tear up my heart. I want to drink until I have drowned every last word I have wrote for you. I don't know if I should love you or if there is a distant future where I will be good enough to deserve you. But if I have to look you in the eyes, I can only hope that one day, sooner than later, I look at you, and my eyes don't open.

    ©_kaneki64

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  • _kaneki64 7w

    और उतने फ़ासले पर आज तक
    सौ यत्न करके भी न आये फिर कभी हम।
    फिर न आया वक्त वैसा
    फिर न मौका उस तरह का
    फिर न लौटा चाँद निर्मम।
    और अपनी वेदना मैं क्या बताऊँ।
    क्या नहीं ये पंक्तियाँ खुद बोलती हैं?
    बुझ नहीं पाया अभी तक उस समय जो
    रख दिया था हाथ पर अंगार तुमने।
    रात आधी खींच कर मेरी हथेली
    एक उंगली से लिखा था प्यार तुमने।

    - हरिवंशराय बच्चन

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  • _kaneki64 12w

    Why are we wasting our love on people when cats exist!

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  • _kaneki64 12w

    मैं अक्सर खुद से पूछता हूँ शिखर
    क्या कोई भीड़ में मुझको भी खोजता होगा?
    किसी महफिल मे नये दोस्तों के बीच कोई
    जब किसी अजनबी से आँख मिलाता होगा,
    क्या अपने गुज़रे वक़्त के किसी पन्ने से टपकते
    मेरे निशान अपने आज मे पाता होगा?
    क्या कोई मुझसे बिछड़ कर भी मुझे
    अब तलक अपने किसी ख्वाब मे मिलता होगा?
    क्या कोई मुझसे भी मिलने को तरसता होगा?
    मेरे कहे हुए किसी मजाक से अक्सर
    काम के बीच कोई यूँ ही चहकता है क्या?
    क्या शब ए गम मे किसी की जुल्फ़ के रस्ते होकर
    कोई झोंका हवा का ऐसे गुजरता होगा,
    जैसे एसी ही किसी शब किसी की जुल्फों से
    मेरे हाँथों की उँगलियाँ भी कभी गुज़री थीं?
    कोई दिन रात के मसलों से परेशाँ होकर
    जब कभी डूबते सूरज को देखता होगा,
    क्या मेरी याद कुछ सुकून दिलाती होगी,
    जैसे लेकर हवा का बोझ परों पर अपने
    कोई परिंद अपने घोसले को आता है?
    मैं अक्सर खुद से पूछता हूँ शिखर
    कि जिस तरह मुझे वो लोग याद हैं अबतक,
    भूल से ही सही पर मेरा खयाल आने पर
    क्या वो भी खुद से ये सवाल पूछते होँगे?

    ©_kaneki64

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  • _kaneki64 13w

    It was 2 am in the night,
    When I sat under a blank sky
    With bright yellow streetlights all around me.
    I lit my cigarette and took a drag,
    While playing bukowski on my phone
    Until it was time to sleep.
    That's when the fucking dogs started barking.
    They haven't stopped barking since then.

    ©_kaneki64

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