I used to be the light.. until the darkness became stronger ��

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  • _miss_mae_ 1w


    Dear Lord,

    I’m sad
    I’m tired
    I’m sleepy
    And I’m sad
    These days I can’t close my eyes anymore
    because when I do I can’t open them back
    I’m stuck somewhere in limbo
    Or maybe it’s actually my reality,
    But I don’t want it to be.
    because when I open my eyes or when they’re closed I see the same things
    I see the looks they give me
    Ones of pity and affection
    And love
    They think it’s what I need, but it’s not
    They think it’s what I want, but I hate it
    I’m hoping they’ll shout,
    Stab a knife into my heart if they choose.
    I wouldn’t care,
    I wouldn’t cry either.
    I’ve had my fair share of crying.
    Either me or by me.
    I don’t like it much
    I hate it actually.
    But I can’t stop the tears.
    I’ve tried
    And tried
    And tried
    But it wouldn’t stop flowing down without control.
    But now, I’ve realized my mistake
    I’m praying to cry harder
    Hoping to drown in the tears I’ve cried and caused others to cry
    I’ve even thought of taking my life
    But I don’t deserve the luxury of dying by my hands
    In reality I’m undeserving of the luxuries I receive
    And I know this quite well
    So that’s why I pray dear lord
    That one day I’ll look into their eyes
    And see hate instead of love
    Anger instead of pity
    I don’t want a scolding with affection
    Or a look of love
    Instead I want a look filled with hate and aggression,
    While being held by the neck till I can barely breathe
    So I can feel the pain I deserve
    and it wouldn’t keep me awake
    Or leave me in limbo
    Instead it’ll give me the sleep that awaits me
    One filled with dreams and demons of guilt
    That I may be haunted for all eternity
    So I’m praying Dear Lord,
    That you hear this prayer I say tonight
    Because I’m sad,
    But it’s not enough.


  • _miss_mae_ 6w


    I get angry sometimes,
    Most times actually
    It’s a very exhausting feeling
    It comes and you feel the rush,
    the thrill of the things u can do with such strength,
    It’s especially amazing when you have something to vent it all on
    Then you aim for the kill
    The first few minutes after you’re done it’ll still feel amazing
    But finally it’ll wear off,
    And then you’ll look around at the damage you’ve caused
    Everything comes rushing back
    The images become clearer,
    More graphic.
    When you realize what you have done
    you’ll also realize you’re no longer angry,
    that at some point you let go of the anger,
    It’s time for other emotions to set in
    Each one hitting stronger than the last
    And finally.....
    Nothing, absolutely Nothing at all.

  • _miss_mae_ 10w


  • _miss_mae_ 11w


    I’m sad
    Not because my life is,
    Neither is it because I make others sad
    It also isn’t because I’m a mess, a beautiful mess if you wish
    I’ve lived like that too long to be sad
    But I must continue
    I’m tired though,
    of the tears,
    the pain,
    the shouts,
    I’m tired of everything
    But I must continue
    I definitely must continue to live
    Even though they’re holding me down
    And I can’t move on my own, only to where they will me to go
    But I’ll continue
    Because when I see the smiles on the faces of my friends
    I know one thing is certain
    That they are are not held down, just as I am by the leash.
    With no chance of escape or survival

  • _miss_mae_ 37w

    The beauty of solitude is, its only way you get to understand your demons.


  • _miss_mae_ 49w


    Dear best friend,
    It's been a while, Hope u're doing ok?
    Or at least better than I am.
    I hope to see you again
    But I'm not sure when I'll be given the chance
    It's sad dat you left
    It made me realize how empty I am without you,
    It's crazy, but I can't accept the fact that you are gone
    I love you...soo much, it's really crazy
    Every night I cry myself to sleep with the hopes that you'll hear me and come back
    Apparently not...
    I'm sorry that you had to leave
    And I'm sorry I didn't go with you
    I can't imagine how lonely you are right now
    Coz I hear the people in heaven aren't really friendly
    You've always had a hard time making friends
    But it's okay.... just wait, I'll be coming real soon
    And when I get there you won't be lonely anymore
    Yours sincerely,
    your best friend

  • _miss_mae_ 50w


    I wake up to see the sunshine
    And I think
    "Finally it's over"
    But I always forget...
    Because of the deciving light of the sun
    That's impossible
    I look down at my hands
    The scars left from past nights
    The wounds left from the previous night
    Then realization hit me hard
    It's never over
    It's just a break,so you can see what the darkness has done
    And you can begin to imagine what more it would do

  • _miss_mae_ 50w


    Sometimes I look at myself and ask
    "wot would I be like when I become a mother?"
    Then I look at my mother and reply to myself
    "I'll be just like her"

  • _miss_mae_ 50w

    Darkest Thought

    "wots your darkest thought?"he says
    I turn to look at him in bewilderment,
    "Why do you ask?"I say in return
    "Nothing much actually, just mere curiosity"
    I turn from him and say...
    "I'm not one to have such thoughts"
    Then I smile at the blatant lie I'd just told,
    Well looking at it deeply you cannot say I have lied,
    But something tells me otherwise...
    Convincing me I've told lies ,
    You see Truth be told I have no dark thoughts,
    But not for the reason you think,
    It's simply for one reason,
    I've been consumed by the darkness,
    Leaving me with no option of having thoughts,
    It controls me... but says otherwise,
    It tells me I control it,
    It's slowly convincing me,
    For I of all people should know the truth,
    SoI musn't be decived,
    Then I smile again, my thoughts trailing back to him and the question,
    Little does he know, ooh so very little does know,
    The darkness calls me ,
    But I refuse it's call,
    But again been human does me no good,
    For u see..in moments of weakness I ask myself,
    "However did I get here?"
    And the darkness would reply,
    "From your darkest thought"

  • _miss_mae_ 55w


    In the depth of the night
    The demons appear
    I see them
    I can feel them
    The darkness encloses around me
    It's coming at my soul
    But there's something they are yet to discover
    They think they r coming to break my soul
    But they haven't realized
    It's a broken soul
    A soul broken beyond repair
    A soul lost to the torment of it's own actions
    finally they reach out
    And then I see it
    Realization evident in their features
    My soul is broken
    I would cry out for help
    But even as I know, so do the demons
    It's a soul lost and cannot be recovered