I am baffled by my own choices. I wonder do stars know what I feel, or they pretend to, like you do. Which are the paths that I trudge upon, what are the ways that make me reach to your comfort zone. Are there even any?
I want you to fill in my spaces and grab my hand, with the half filled glass of wine next to us. I want you to cease me for a moment and catch your breath away. I want this depth of surreal honesty and care to be understood for once. I want you to be mine entirely.
I know the paths we traversed seemed more of divergence within the lost love stories. I believed that even if it would be virtual, you could feel the absence of my closures.
I will wait till posterity, with the same glee on my face, for you, I will, but are you willing to reciprocate the same? I will wait for that one day, when you jump from the dusk of my dreams, and make me believe that fanthomed power of the love that you held.
Tell me, you wont break my heart this time, right? Be my forever, I swear I will never let you go.
It feels like an eternity now, blown with finesse of writing an edge about this pain.
If and ever you cross paths with me, never ask me to culminate the lost happiness back. For me, its lost, darker in my fraternity.
If and ever the stars that I look upon, understand the pain behind these unshed tears, the silence would answer, the ignored facts,that you could have once looked upon.
But dear, I swear I swept with that feeling, crumbling my heart with colossal fears, it still haunts me.
Even if I share with you my weaknesses, I wonder if you could hum the same frequencies, that I bear. It is so simple isnt it? To carry something so immense with you, and still face people with advices blithering like, Its alright... it happens... you will be alright.
But can you just keep shut if you never understood the amount of depth I went through, The amount of loathe I crippled upon the desk, the paramount incidents that clinged me to the past for perpetuity.
Stop yelling it was easy, or it ever will be. Bring substance to your words.
It would be wrong if I begin with tears, Rather I would blather up the righteousness, of having an angel like you.
It would still be wrong if others judged, "You haven't seen him in person still love him so much." But its a subtle serenity that clings me to you.
A boy, nah let me choose man, A man with subconscious innocence, and a pulchritude within his eyes. It speaks volume.
Its totally insane isn't it? I havent met you, I probably would know you the least, but still why do I feel This warming, the sparkle, every time I see you Dance in joy. Why do I burn when I see you shed those tears? How is all this possible. Well writing about you makes my heart flutter with joy and real glee.
At last, even if you fail know there are people who are waiting to see you happy. No matter how much you grow, You will emerge from the better. Its been a great journey you have lived.
I still haven't met you, I dont even know if I ever will, But let me tell you, You make my heart fluttler with a rush of oxytocin, And even on my lows, you never fail to lift me with that charming smile. You have been the cause of my euphoria, And you forever will.
~a small dedicated one to a person who turned a year older. Happiest Kookie day you all!
To: The "TrustFrated" man Jungkookie❤ From: One in a billion ARMY SARANGHAE❤ Kashish.
I will recite my madness my sufferings, In every possible way, only and only, if you are willing to listen to me, only if you wont judge me upon the most wrong decisions of life that I ever took.
I will look for you in my lunatic mundanes, to the fragile nights, Where even the lost senses work as an anecdote, As others might say.
I want you to be a person not only of my dreams, but much more in reality, Where you can virtually hold the power to heal me, to tell me, even when I'm wrong, I will not come across it again.
But wait, let me reconcile my emotions, Let me have a breath of the dusty air puffed with dysfunctional fumes, I provoked my own senses in this unimaginable fanthomed space of myopia. Not just wishing but I strongly pray, that one day when I wake up from the delusional dimensions of the reality, You will emerge out of a sudden nowhere, and stand erect straight to my eyes, still dumbfounded upon the reasons, That I never gave up.
//Every single morning text from you got me high, No caffeine, your love gave me that hype.//
"I am not an easy girl" you said, But I still remorse of the piteous act of falling for you, Every single morning and every single night.
I regret that.
Every morning coming to the school, watching you from the most affectionate part of my heart filled with butterflies all around. Every single time when I was asked to perform a speech with you, the ever natural blush I had, I wish I could tell you that.
The endless amount of happiness that my body felt when I was near you, when purposefully the other classmates teased me by your name, when every small success of yours gave me a ton of devoting glee. I wish I could have told you this sooner.
Remember, every games period when I purposefully left my best friends just incase we could loiter in the ground alone for a while. I loved it when you teased me with the same way. The black shirt you wore, the perfume that you gifted me on my birthday, the endless laughters, the inside jokes I really miss all of it. I wish I could have told you that the like turned to love a little sooner than I expected.
I knew that best friends are meant to be happy and strong forever but just incase I wanted more. From you. Always! But we still managed the rugged path very well isnt it?
But as every story has an end point where the chances of wanting never suffice to what you get. I may have hurt you a lot, but you still were with me, I wish you stayed longer, a bit more better I guess.
I still wish we had a better end than what we got. Apparently, The world is not a wish granting factory and you did not fail to make me realize that deeply.
Forever rooting for you!
(Veryy veryyy old and random, I just wanted to post something here) Kashish. @_mysoul
I'm tired of proving myself these days. But the void deep down doesn't vanish. It never happens to go, making an unfathomable home in my body.
Somedays no matter how hard you put on your whole body, mind and soul in the given task, you fail to please the outer space.
Sometimes I try to convince that you don't need someone's attention for your happiness. But what never coruscated in the time passed is my never fulfilled heart. It never wanted enough. The quench of wanting everything left me sore and deeply hurt. The more I had, the more I wanted. And I guess it soon became the detrimental reason for the grudges I still cling upto.
Everything around me feels like a never ending maze of perpetual lies, broken trusts, and an incompetent soul, I guess. For now, like every other body, everything in me is tired, fatigued and has somewhere lost the minimal hope that I had left a reason to live by.
I'm working on the betterment, this time not for me, but for you to see in me. For you to see that I'm not less than the topper next door. For you to see that, I'm happy from outside but who cares the dying soul inside. For you to know that, I wont have any junk so that I dont gain more weight. For you to see that, I'm keeping away from my male bestfriends; so that you do not feel any one of them is my boyfriend. For you to know that, I'm not misbehaving with any aunty living next door. For you to know that, I'm still trying I'm really trying very hard.
And this time probably I will live upto your expectations and not mine. And probably then, you will be proud, isn't it?
//Like all real love stories, ours will die with us as it should.// ~ The fault in our stars
I won't mind you accepting this fact, but tell me for all once, Won't you say, ours would stay forever? Won't you tell them about; The abandoned kisses, The candid touches, The invariable constants that kept us alive; The restlessness of not seeing each other, The longing of wanting you, The way your shoulder always had an answer to my worst problems, The playlists which we still vouch upon.
Tell me won't you?
All of this still persists, it does.
But what if, it dies with us? Or one of us?
Promise me, you wont let my hand loosen the grip, You will tell them, we weren't wrong.
Promise me, Won't you?
Can we show them; That there is a little thunder before the rains, But, even a rainbow that follows after.
//The petrichor of our love should be, A tale, they fail to decipher.//
•Petrichor: pleasant smell accompanying the first rains •Feverish: marked by intense emotion, activity, or instability •Fidelity: faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support.
We have galaxies in our heads Sewing the rugged sheet of patchy thoughts with thoughtful threads. An amalgamation of hope in the eyes , Fostering glitter in our heart's celestial skies When the bodies die , souls aboad ahead and again rise .
On a rainy day, I was waiting for my bus. Far away from the bus stop, there was a tea-stall, the tea-seller or chai-wale uncle, was too happy (donno why :)) and played the radio as soon as I went to order a tea. It was pouring heavily, while the hot tea arrived! Ah, what a great time! But, I can savour this nostalgic moment only until my bus comes! Soon, there came a news in the radio, I wasn't bothered tho. Then the rj came up with an interesting topic, "Do you believe in reincarnation?" I was dumbstruck. What? Are we reincarnated? Did we undergo through this tiresome life before? Wasn't it enough that we came up again to live? No, I don't believe in reincarnation. It feels disgusting tho. But am sure that, life doesn't be anything new, your problem no. 1 can be someone's 100th.... Scary? Or sickening?
Then, why do we hate to love everyday? Are we a collection of words? Or a collection of good and bad experiences? A collection of time? Wait. Time has a collection? What if the present me was a past me to myself! A collection of world? Whoever sees the next day, is present in the collection of time? Obsolete humans find no place in the world? Fine, yes. That seems acceptable like Darwin's theory! The perpetuality of inanimate world is to test who rules it. World puts on difficulty levels to every individual, if you know the solution to the problem after nth attempt, you must know that you have another level to clear.
Are you sure, you wanna live 366th day of the same year and not enter 1st day of the next year (no, not about 2020). Can you live in 25th hour and endure the same dark night rather than entering 5 am of the next day?
Hope a substance, a lifeline for those who are about to fade. Can't we lose and gain hope? Lose and gain trust? Lose and gain time? Still, are we new to world every next level? Even if you could see death of people by seeing their eyes, you wouldn't be able to interpret your beloved's death! You have something in you that keeps dragging you down. Sometimes to past, and anemoia. If living is just in the tales that your brain weaves, can you not know your brain wants you to be something more and not less.
Anatomy of life has some rules for dissection. Firstly, learn the incisions, the way you see your problem; the lightest way you feel it, the easiest way you can find the roots of problem. Secondly, prepare with your instruments; whatever you can use, whatever you have-- love, mercy, strength, brain, hope, faith, trust. Thirdly, know the way to fix your problem; if you need a shunt,you can use your previous experiences to avoid the new mistakes or recorrecct them. Fourthly, know how to stitch everything into a perfect one piece; know how to make the bad memory, the past problem to heal and form a new scar. Fifth, make sure that the percentage of recurrences is less, that means the removal of bad memory is removed, but the lesson, the type of surgery is always left behind, a musing.
Make sure to remember the problem of other's life and be prepared for it or the worst. World isn't new. Should we be new to the world? But we are. Are we?