_sad_ia_quad_ir_

aate ho to baarish lete aana..

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  • _sad_ia_quad_ir_ 4w

    And sometimes...

    Your words are the dagger
    That slits open my ugly skin
    I let its sharp edge carress my flesh
    It searches for my heart
    And I let it reach
    To steal soul out of my wretched body

    It is the home for the destitute
    Well decorated with
    Flowers of joy

    It is the threadless needle
    That does not heals
    But holes in

    It is the flower that blooms,
    It is the water that quenches the thirst

    It is the mirage
    That captives you
    With hopes

    It is the cool wind
    That soothes

    It is the hurricane
    That destroys

    It is the tender touch
    Of the child

    It is the silenced voice
    That chokes

    It is the sleep
    That satisfies

    It is the nightmare
    That haunts

    It is the ointment
    To the wound

    It is the blister
    That pains

    It is the joy, it is the cries
    It heals the wound, and it itself is the one

    ©_sad_ia_quad_ir_

  • _sad_ia_quad_ir_ 5w

    //You were just an episode in my life, yet I expected you to be the whole story.//

    You were my favourite storyteller, the best friend I ever had, but our relation was something beyond the boundaries of names, so you were my someone beyond the beautiful of feelings. I remember how your eyes would light up at those funniest of turns in your stories and I would laugh equally hard each time. I remember kicking off my thought of a time when you would no longer be by my side. Even a thought of you gone would make me cry my eyes out. You were just as close to me like a part of myself, without which I could not imagine how my life would be. No matter how big my problems were they seemed smaller when I had you by my side. Your smile was enough to bring the widest of smile on my face.

    Yet you left one day, leaving me all alone in this world. I kept wandering on the streets of your memories, like a lost child, wishing I would someday find the way to my home and I never did find one offering better comfort than you.

    Nights grew longer like never and it's darkness more denser. I embraced it with open arms. It whispered to me stories of people with lost battles and I kept drowning in. I kept cursing myself everyday for being a loser in my own eyes, who could not get up and fight. I was blinded by the brightness of the light. Hated myself for being like this. I kept shedding tears until one day there was not a drop in my eyes. I grew up to be a person I was the most afraid of.

    I grew fearful of attaching myself ever again to anyone. I would depart from everywhere I felt I was happy in. I did not want to feel how it was to be happy again, for my fear of losing the person was more dominating. I found solace in loneliness, my thoughts grew out to be my friends...

    I tried attaching myself to people, but I would be reminded of my fear. I would be reminded of you, and how you were my everything and yet blew away like the wind......

    ©_sad_ia_quad_ir_

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    //You were just an episode in my life, yet I expected you to be the whole story.//

  • _sad_ia_quad_ir_ 5w

    I am not really that good at pouring thoughts into words, and when it comes to framing them in a poem I am so freaking bad. I have this whole new raging mountain within, but I am only able to pour out a part of it. And it's the same me, today.

    You have this aura so beautiful about you, you make everyone around feel so good about them. I am not writing this as a compulsion to be very very clear, but people like you deserve so much more. And from people like you I mean people with purest of hearts, which is so uncommon (at least for me).
    You made me realize black can be beautiful too despite it's nature of absorbing every colour. You don't really know, how only your presence has taught such rich and obviously purest of thoughts to me like treating everybody with respect, that makes me respect you more. There are people you did not really talk to, but their presence makes you feel good. Their interpretation over a certain thing. The way they see things.

    Your so intensely described posts makes me leave everything I would be engaged in and just concentrate on what your beautiful mind has to say.
    The way you compile your thoughts into words is the epitome of beauty. And you the one who sees beauty in everything.

    I wish you celebrate this day and everyday of your life with happiness and joy.

    @veloc1ty_ Happy Birthday..����

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    Black for it is you who taught Black can be beautiful too..❣

    ©_sad_ia_quad_ir_

  • _sad_ia_quad_ir_ 6w

    I reek of hate
    Am stained with self loathe
    I abhor dark and curse light
    I hate myself for killing my soul
    Choked in my body
    My screams reverberates
    My tears are frozen
    Hope has died
    I embrace gloom
    And distance love
    Am dazzled by the light
    And it's all dark within
    Bereft of emotions
    I am all numb
    I look like death
    And feel it within

    ©_sad_ia_quad_ir_

  • _sad_ia_quad_ir_ 7w

    You ask me what I love in you the most
    How do I say there is nothing about you
    I love more than the other
    'Most' is naught but the extreme end..
    And I love everything about you to the summit
    The way your tongue touches your teeth
    At the third letter of my name
    And the way your lips open at the last letter
    Of that five lettered name
    The way your lips stretch and play a smile
    Over that beautifully carved face
    The way your eyes glimmer and everything around seems so dull
    The way your hairs keep falling to your short perfectly shaped forehead
    I have loved you
    Everytime the universe in your eyes got interlocked with mine
    Everytime the star fell from right above the heaven for us to wish our forever
    Everytime the sky witnessed our hands entwined
    Everytime the raindrops met the Earth and rejoiced
    Everytime my eyes carressed your smile
    Everytime I walked on the same path your feet kissed

    /Wouldn't it be enough if I say I love you in every shades?/

    ©_sad_ia_quad_ir_

  • _sad_ia_quad_ir_ 7w

    I feel this heaviness in my heart
    I feel weighed down by numerous emotions
    I so wanna cry
    Though I am not able to
    I write of sadness, of bliss
    Without feeling a thing
    I seek freedom from my own self
    Living suffocates me
    With so many people around
    But none who could see
    I feel like shouting
    And throwing things violently
    Not bothering to be tagged 'mad'
    What is being mad by the way
    But living out of the box
    Or being unmatchable
    To people's defined normal personality
    It's not people who stop me though
    From being wild
    But I feel tired
    Of getting up and doing a thing
    I am writing
    Not because I want to
    But moving my fingers lying in bed
    Is still better than
    Getting up and facing myself
    I need to remind myself
    I am all fine
    I still can write
    Though how false it is
    They say love yourself first
    And I tried
    But each time I see myself in the mirror
    I hate myself even more
    I feel like I have lost control over myself
    As if an unknown figure is controlling me
    I so wanna kick that bitch
    I am lost in this forest
    Of screaming numbness
    I just wanna break the boundaries
    And
    Run
    Run
    And
    Run
    Run for I want to escape
    Run for I want to feel again
    Run for I want to breathe free
    Run for I am tired of lying on bed
    And doing nothing at all
    I don't feel sad
    I feel nothing at all
    My lips smile
    My eyes escape lies
    And I am feeling like drowning
    To a place unknown
    I want to escape
    Before the door shuts
    Trapping me forever
    I don't believe in forevers though
    But still let's say forever
    For what is forever
    But an undefined time
    I want to escape
    Break this unseen shackle
    I want
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    I w...a.....n.......t
    ©_sad_ia_quad_ir_

  • _sad_ia_quad_ir_ 8w

    #skip
    It would only make you feel disgusting

    Read More

    From the time I saw how depression looked like
    I've been attracted to the idea of suicide
    Jumping off the roof had always
    attracted me the most
    I would ascend to the roof at midnight
    And go near the railing
    And imagine myself falling down the roof
    The wind hitting my face
    In those fraction of seconds
    My head throbbing down the ground
    With blood oozing out
    Had it not been for him, mum and dad
    I probably would have tried at least for once
    It's only that smile on my father's face and maa's
    That has always stopped me
    I don't want to snatch it from them
    Everytime I would see my brother
    Crashing things violently
    And screaming to the top of his voice
    I would wish I hadn't lived to this day
    Depression was just a disease for me
    Until I saw it from my own eyes
    What it does to people
    The concept was all new to me
    I would spend hours
    Sitting before my phone
    Googling it's symptoms, it's cure
    "Schizophrenia can not be cured"
    The words held before my eyes
    Seeing my brother like this for a moment
    Alone was the worst nightmare of my life
    Imagining alone of a life seeing him
    Struggle everyday
    Broke me from within
    Until the time I didn't read about it
    I was contented it would all end one day
    Things would get better
    I realized I was only giving myself bleak hopes
    I would peek in his room
    In the middle of the night
    To check if he is asleep
    Sleeping pills would do it's job
    But not until the clock struck 1
    I would sit near him
    And hear him breathing
    Kicking off my desire
    To hug him tight
    And carress his curly hairs
    Pushing against my mouth a piece of cloth
    To keep my freakin' mouth shut from making a sound
    Wishing the night to grow longer
    So that he could sleep for a little more
    Cursing the day for waking him up
    For making him struggle even more
    For thrice did he try to leave the home
    And for an infinite times wished to die
    Only if I could enter his body
    I would rob him of his disease
    Of a life no more than death
    I wish
    I wish
    I wish
    After a time
    I could sense something uninvited taking place in me
    I would vomit seeing or hearing anything unpleasant
    Seeing someone after a long time,
    Hearing of someone I hadn't expected to hear,
    An unpleasant sound, an unpleasant memory
    Was enough
    Changed seven doctors
    But things remained the same
    For two freaking years
    I don't know for how much more
    Sleeping pills made it's way to me too
    Everyday I would wake up
    To my stomach twisting from within
    I hated myself for being like this
    Cursing myself everyday for only ascending the stress
    Robbing from my maa pappa's face their laughter, that genuine smile
    The only person who has tolerated all our sufferings, hiding theirs
    Without any complaint
    Without getting tired
    Are they
    And for them I wish to live
    I wish to lead a normal life
    I wish
    I wish
    I wish

    ©_sad_ia_quad_ir_

  • _sad_ia_quad_ir_ 8w

    WHY DO YOU GIVE DOTS AT THE END OF EVERY SENTENCE YOU WRITE?

    //"Cause I feel like few things are always left unsaid", like I so want to tell you this, but it's not all....there is so much in it to explore if you are willing to dive deep into it. Like if you ask me how am I feeling now, I'll tell you I am feeling nothing, but dive deep into it and you'll see I am feeling too much to be able to name. I just am not able to pour into words this raging numbness within. I so want to scream for it is the only thing that relieves, like nothing ever did. But I am forced to shut my mouth, for I can not possibly shout, with people around, without getting thrown the tag of mad at. I may seem all well from outside but, things are all haywire within. I feel like I am left with nothing at all. I so want to pour everything, but I am not able to. I would be talking anything with facial expressions not matching with my words at all. I so want to scribble all the places I've to explore, about all the beauties I am unable to see with these sunken, dark circled eyes but, it's all void I see and in the void I see a girl, who's struggling to come out, but her legs seems to be tied with a rope, or with nothing at all, but are just too tired to move even an inch. Outside this void I see the faintest of light but, I am too tired to even try to reach at...//

    I LIKE PUTTING SPACES AFTER A CERTAIN POINT....

    YOU SEEM SO SKINNY? DON'T YOU EAT ANTHING?

    //"Eating is a tiresome work".....Though it's not all, I am tired of the whole idea of eating. For eating makes me retch more and more. I feel like someone is squeezing my stomach from beneath, so I decide against. I am contented with my empty stomach than the stomach which is filled and wants to retch everytime. I hate that girl in the mirror who has grown so pale and bony with time. I just want to sleep my whole fuckin' day to escape reality, to escape me. Everything seems to have stopped, as if life has lost it's whole pace. I am not dragging myself into all this, but I feel tired enough to stand up and fight.//

    DO I? I DON'T THINK SO. DUHH I EAT ENOUGH!!....

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    There is so much to explore, only if you are willing to dive deep into it....

    ©_sad_ia_quad_ir_

  • _sad_ia_quad_ir_ 9w

    I contradict my own saying and agree with both..
    I would tell you how a word alone is enough to end things between two people and again it's me who says it's not only a word that ends things between two people, but what lies beneath it's surface..
    I would tell you how love is a blissful thorn, and again it's me who says it's not love that is to be blamed, but the people, who do wrong in the name of love..
    I would tell you people have tucked in their humanity in the corner of their brain, and again it's me who says humanity still comes first to people, but is just dominated by the circumstances in their surrounding (the people in their circle)..
    I would tell you how people don't really need consolations, but again it's me who says it's fine sometimes to console people, to make them believe you are there if they need you..

    I often wonder why don't I stand rigid to a point, but flexibility makes you see the difference between what's wrong and what's right..

    Do I make sense?
    Does any of this sounds logical?
    I don't know.

    ©_sad_ia_quad_ir_

  • _sad_ia_quad_ir_ 10w

    Bye, how simple yet how intricate, how voluble. I never could understand you, whenever you would ask me to not say bye (or perhaps I never tried to). I would tease you with 'bye', no matter how much you ask me to stop. It's been three years since you and me are not us. And after all those miserable years someone said me bye. As simple as it sounds, let me be a little clear. Someone I love bid me bye. I didn't ask him to take his words back or didn't ask him to tell it either way, 'talk to you later', like you used to. Albeit I wanted to. But I felt a sudden ache in my heart. Ache that knows no boundaries. That makes you travel to a journey forgotten (not forgotten though, but blurry to be precise). I could sense a sudden change in my emotions, from joy to something I can not name. Something that is not sad but mixture of feelings. That has ache, longingness and cravings mixed all together. I wonder what a word alone can do?
    I did not understand you then. But perhaps I can feel your pain now. And every pain I feel, it reminds me of you. Reminds me of all the promises I broke. They curse me for being so mean. I don't know it still if choosing your happiness by crushing another's is fine?
    I can remember that last phone call now. You had so much to talk about and I had only a word, 'bye', the word you hated so much. You had so much and I had only silence to gift you while I bid my farewell. You tried talking to me for so many times after that, but I kept you at bay, not bothering to listen from you. Not because I did not want to, but I knew you would do anything to make me stay and I knew it too if I stop, it would be so hard for me to leave. It's not that it didn't hurt. You cried and I cried as well. But this time not together. You spent your nights groaning with pain. I spent mine suffocating too. The nights had been so harsh to you, it had been for me as well. But I could not remain stuck in a place where I could not be me. I needed to breathe free, right? It's not that I want to come to you again, but I just want to tell 'sorry'. Again a single word, though I wonder if this really even matters, after all these years. Again a single word, though I am afraid to say for it is so overused.
    'Bye' a simple word yet so intricate. It ended everything between us (it's not only a word that did so much to us though, but what lies beneath it's surface) I wonder if a single word 'sorry' can heal? (Not things between us to be precise, but your pain?)
    If yes I am SORRY.

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    I wonder what a word alone can do?

    ©_sad_ia_quad_ir_