afamiliarvoice

Well...Well...Well. What have we here?

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  • afamiliarvoice 14w

    Sometimes.

    I kiss death on occasions.
    She blushes and makes my heart stop.
    And I cant help but still flirt with her.
    I'm forever sending mistakes inviting for her to come over.
    Teasing her with no boundaries to move closer.
    Hesitant she pushes further.
    Confident I am, to roll the dice
    Not knowing what I'm really gambling for.
    Just to crap out to lose and suffer.
    But I know I want her like no other.
    And I know with her, I'd have more of her.
    I use her liquid blood as my choice of a drug.
    Just to get a hug.
    Still it's not enough.
    So I pull out a gun just for fun.
    Quite suprised, she likes what she sees.
    Tells me if I want a real committment.
    Just pull the trigger and squeeze.
    So i release.
    Now me and death are together.
    But she still has the choice to do what she please.
    I should have thought this over.
    Now the joke is on me.
    Now I dont have the freedom to love.
    To hate.
    To cry.
    Because now I'm 6 foot underneath.
    And there's no coming back.
    I finally caught death for my own.
    And I'll never ever have a want, or a need.
    ©afamiliarvoice

  • afamiliarvoice 14w

    Tracks.

    As love comes, it scorns my painful soul.
    The feeling of being vulnerable, derides in me.
    Taunting me, of how weak I can be. Knowing in just a matter of time, it will happen, and negativity, will positively be seen.
    Anger subsides, and crosses intersecting paths with paranoia derives, "not now, goodbye. I'm too busy, dnt ask why."
    Creating a looping effect constantly running into each other, "how about now, let's have a try?"
    Simple answer's, that come out of, I.
    In solid defense, I dare not look you in the eyes.
    At this point I'm at your every command, you have more of me than you think.
    And it's on demand.
    It's easier for a boy, but never a man.
    I've learned long ago, to never take a stranger's hand.
    But as of right now, I'm in desperate need.
    I will take the chance never coming back, to my once true home, back to me.
    As we go il constantly look back, as you carry me through these unknown roads, and troublesome tracks.
    ©afamiliarvoice

  • afamiliarvoice 14w

    Ready to come home.

    I view a reflection of myself mirrored from the glass buildings.
    In great haste, my taste becomes sour and I become disgusted in the person I see.
    Spinning and turning inside my mind.
    I cannot understand how I have become my worst enemy.
    How could I be the one who wouldn't let myself be, in peaceful harmony.
    As if two people where embodied in one entity.
    Yet separated by one's ego's, and multiple personalities.
    Such a sad perception to have of yourself.
    Yet you cant help, for the enemy is you.
    You feed your own fire.
    You are your own liar.
    You are the one who screams and Hollers.
    Yet you dont want no one to bother.
    Because this battles within you and for your own selfish honor.
    Like being the author, and writing your thoughts that ponder, and trying to alter.
    But that not how its goes.
    The mind's madness has been overexposed.
    They say with time it gets better.
    I suppose.
    Dont but dont expect me to hold my nose.
    Because once I do, im not letting go.
    I'd rather be inside a hole.
    With dirted padded wall's while everyone's woes of sadness are felt on dancing crows congregating on a labeled tombstone.
    While any kind of feeling and emotion has gone and left freely to roam.
    For once you wont be alone
    You wont be able to think in solitude anymore to become the worst of your own.
    Next destination will be to bask in the unknown.
    And I'm ok with that.
    Because I'm ready to come home.
    ©afamiliarvoice

  • afamiliarvoice 14w

    Crawling.

    Crawling through a hole, trying to dig my way out.
    My hands are cold, and my body is tired.
    I don't know how much further I can dig.
    I see no light.
    I'm all alone in this hole with not a peep in sight.
    I can only hear myself, and what I say, or think.
    As i I dig further I slowly start to sink.
    The walls grow closer to me, and my digging becomes scratches.
    The anticipation of escaping, I'm trying to get out of this.
    The pressure on my my back, feels like a thousand lashes.
    I start to think of good times, as the time slowly passes.
    Then it starts to release its, poisonous gasses.
    That makes me lose hope, theres no way out this.
    Even though I'm being consumed by this cold, dark, hole.
    I grow close to the comfort, it holds me as I gently fade away.
    I would ask God for help, but it's too late to pray.
    All my vision goes from dark, to grey.
    As Im slowly, starting to drift away.
    Now il never know if it was night, or day.
    ©afamiliarvoice

  • afamiliarvoice 14w

    Hiding.

    Hiding through life's ordinary day.
    Where anxiety slaps me, and you can see it on my face.
    I try to wipe it off, but its here to remind me, and over welcomes its stay.
    If only I had a way to rid of it, and throw it all away.
    It wouldn't be so hard, to talk about it and keep my anxiety at bay.
    With constant paranoia, in the back of my mental space.
    I cant trust anyone who I can talk to tell and say.
    No matter where I run to, and hide.
    Cant think about tommorow, it will be the same thing just a rewind.
    Anxiety is always there, to remind.
    To hop in it's car, and get ready for the ride.
    Who's the boss, to keep me insanely out of line.
    With thoughts and perturbation, that drive me up this wall of non communication.
    I dont want it here, and its more than complacent.
    Trying not to show you I'm bothered through, self-effacement.
    Like walking down a dark basement.
    Paranoia,anxiety,tension, and agitation are waiting in a circle, taking their placement.
    Waiting for you to sit down, and take it.
    Better hope you got it in you, today.
    They've been waiting for you impatienly all day.
    They are not going to show you an ounce of mercy, beating on you all the way.
    ©afamiliarvoice

  • afamiliarvoice 15w

    Something about today that's different.
    Maybe it's the air, or the scent of a certain conditioner she used in her hair.
    A smell I can never forget, the only thing I regret.
    Was not showing her, how much she meant to me. I try to forget.
    Shes gone now, and we are apart for miles.
    But that doesn't stop me from remembering, which were all worth while.
    Yes, I still smile, when i think about you. And sometimes i occasionally dream about you.
    In the day, in the night, when I'm at work, or fixing my cars.
    Specially when I'm the only one, at the bar.
    Il put a coin in the jukebox, in honor of your name.
    I'll play the songs, that dont help the shame.
    Il tell the bar tender, our story, and your name.
    I'll sing the songs with charisma, I ain't ashamed.
    Sorry it took soo long, to end our waiting game.
    It would really kill you, to see me like this.
    To see me at a low, that you couldn't contradict.
    Which is why I cut it off, like I did.
    I hope you read this, just to know.It wasn't you, it was us.
    As much as we had, the love, and trust.
    We just couldnt stop pointing the finger, at both of us.
    So il go ahead and keep hiding, behind this smile.
    And I'll try to make it, everyone's worthwhile.
    I still have a heart, that stretches for miles.
    Someday, oneday, maybe someone will appreciate me, and stop all my trials.
    That i often have bottled inside me, but one things for sure.
    You'll never catch me without, my smile.


    #love #emotion #emotions #depressed #depression #ode #poetry #love #miss.

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  • afamiliarvoice 15w

    Puppet Master.

    Hidden amongst the constructed puppet placed on front of you.
    Where I manipulate the strings, and I display what I want you to see.
    It's not easy remembering all the strings, and what they do.
    Sometimes the audience, wants more.
    When I'm giving the best with what I can do.
    You can control the strings all you want remembering them.
    But sometimes the puppets tired himself and tugs back.
    It very much startles you.
    Sometimes I slip up, and you can see me and my moods.
    How panic and anxiety attack me in such an unforgiving way.
    I just close all the curtains in the middle of a show.
    Doesnt matter if you've been here waiting, or already paid.
    I'm the one who's in charge.
    The man who says it over, when the fat lady hasn't even sang.
    Yes, I let my emotions keep me most at bay.
    Where I'm roped and gagged by the audience's
    Claps and praise.
    When I feel like im someone just because when I closed.
    You stayed.
    But that's when I'll show you out for good.
    Cause the puppet masters only as good as
    The people who knew their worth.
    And not the puppet who controlled, but didnt continue to play.
    ©afamiliarvoice

  • afamiliarvoice 15w

    Show us the way.

    With writings left for me to sulk, that form glowing embers of fire in my eyes.
    A false deities touch leaves me scorned to remember a devoted love that kills.
    Like a thorn embedded on my side.
    A man who died for a loss, while others threw stones while nailed and tossed on the cross.
    Stabbed with a holy lance by chance?
    You say there is hope in scriptures even at a glance?
    One might say there is more faith in novel's of love and romantic.
    Yet, I still believe you.
    As if this is a test for me to meet you.
    To greet you.
    To see you.
    To reside in a holy kingdom, only one can comprehend to dream too.
    Yet I can't enjoy this life, when I cant conprehend you.
    Problem's and commandments for me to endure and follow.
    For when my hole seems a little more hollow.
    To the churches, RUN.
    The heard awaits for me to follow?
    Once in, the church's officer waves his basket wand in search of woman and men's hard money like some sort of lotto.
    This is a place of worship?
    "Serve and obey" should be the new motto.
    After all this I still find myself to believe you.
    For you forgive me father, for I know not of my sins.
    When I chose to unfollow.
    So if you deny my entry to gates's.
    I will understand.
    For I was born to die, to be denied to come in.
    So to hell I go in the land of hate, I'll fit right in.
    Where you gather, all the restless souls that have gracefully sinned.
    From the start I had a hunch it was already too late.
    Not just me, but by the bunch we invariably ate at the devils buffet.
    And now were here.
    Reaping what we've sowed, gluttony has now turned into insatiable hate.
    Now we know there is a price we have to pay.
    Not pray, and no tips.
    I owe it to you this, I'll respect your decision on this final day.
    So now please.
    Just show us the way.
    ©afamiliarvoice

  • afamiliarvoice 15w

    Burning.

    Burning in what feels, like an eternal flame.
    Been here soo long, I know its name, called anger and rage.
    It always shows up on the worst times, of the day.
    And blanks me out, to where I dont know what I do, or say.
    It doesnt stop burning, until I play it's game.
    We're I get mad and destroy people, and things.
    Forever losing everyone, and everything.
    Then it goes away for the while.
    To let me be ok, and calm for awhile.
    Sometimes I can lose him if I walk, or jog for miles.
    But it will find it's way back to me, and make me all riled.
    Full ablaze, setting my soul aflame.
    It's constantly like this, every other day.
    Specially when someone provokes me, with what they say.
    It's slowly getting to me, and driving me insane.
    This feeling is destroying me, and tarnishing my name.
    Like both sides of a magnetic on opposite sides, pushing my brain.
    I hope I can find someone, or somehow to extinguish this flame.
    Because I'm tired of burning, forever charred.
    With anger and rage.
    ©afamiliarvoice

  • afamiliarvoice 15w

    Ill be ok.

    Here I am, at the end of my ways.
    Here I hold in one hand a slow beating heart halfed while the other is missing.
    In the other a knife as a replacement to a soluable vexation.
    Should I finish the job, and kill what's left of this shrunken lifeforce that beats but rarely throbs.
    Trying to convince myself through insanity that I should finish the job.
    Or would you like me to continue closing these shutters, to drown out my sobs.
    To record and play fake music for one to listen to the lyrics of my alternate reality.
    Whether you are guilty to know the truth, or not.
    It's not my job.
    But it must be such a delight to not see in, but to hear fake laughing that has been robbed from tonics that are distilled from the finest of cobs.
    This. I know I should not.
    Then again, a sign is displayed on my front door that states " Disturbed lives here, so please do not"
    To this, I'll take another shot.
    While I scream a thousand pains as it reverbs until I cannot stop.
    Until my liver rots away with everything else.
    Until my pictures are displayed next to the honorable and fallen.
    Even though I am not even worthy enough to have miseries foot pressed against my back while I'm crawling.
    Yes. I may be "comfortable in my own misery" as you state.
    While Ive preached chapters to anyone who tried to fathom, while dubiousity overstayed and displayed to my dismay a million times.
    In the midst I never expected an answer, or anything for anyone to say.
    While I knew there might have been a chance.
    Or it just maybe might have been too late.
    While your more than welcome to come visit, open arms with respect will be gracefully paid.
    To feel bad or sorry just for fake masks of clarification and false hope for a hungry snake.
    Sure ok, whatever you may.
    For my sake, it is not to obfuscate.
    But to educate at the end of the day.
    Like a committment without tieing the knot.
    Promise me that you wont end up wanting to stay.
    As long I am here.
    You'll be ok.
    And if I am not.
    I'll be ok.
    ©afamiliarvoice