allbymyself

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Damned if you do and damned if you don't, so might as well do whatever you want- Kacey Musgraves

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  • allbymyself 1h

    Everything the light touches
    Will eventually fall prey
    To the whims of time
    When the dawn breaks
    The silent shadow sings
    A song of blank verse
    You wait for the
    Melody to die down
    But the lyrics float
    Away into a sky
    That promises much
    Yet yields so little
    And the words never
    Quite appear to rhyme.

    Everything the light touches
    Was once a thing
    Of pure, precious beauty
    Now it is a relic
    A hark back to
    Days of yore, a
    Yearning that rises
    And falls in the
    Crevices of your skin
    And you watch as
    Memories tug at the
    Edge of your bones.

    But you can never cry
    For the past, to
    Remember the past is
    To remember the pain
    It is walking on
    Those tear stained roads
    You had once run
    Past, because anything
    Was better than waiting
    For the next sunrise.

    Everything the light touches
    Must fall back into
    The earth from which
    It was born, it must
    Collapse like the stardust
    That shines through the
    Ravages of your face
    You ask me what
    It feels like
    To be truly free
    And I ask you
    If you have ever
    Thrown back a
    Starfish into the sea.

    - Avitaj

    @despair @thegreymetaphor @accismus

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    Everything The Light Touches

    And on my easel I drew
    While I was thinking of you
    And on the roof of my head
    Came my five string serenade.

    - Five String Serenade, Mazzy Star

    Who else likes Mazzy Star?

  • allbymyself 1d

    A flower takes its last breath on your rain kissed palms. Your mind takes a detour to another day blessed by dark skies. Someone you used to know hands you a wine scented letter and pleads with you to keep it safe before bolting away in her bare feet.

    - Avitaj

  • allbymyself 2d

    When I was there
    In the trenches at Somme
    There were times
    When I was afraid
    I'd never come home
    But me and the
    Other lads lived
    To see another day
    And then another
    We were kids really
    Lambs sent to the slaughter
    And we learned to
    Fire a rifle, long before
    We learned to read a book.

    When I was there
    In the trenches at Somme
    I dreamed of home
    And the roads I had
    Walked in my childhood
    I wondered how my
    Mum and dad were coping
    And I thought of my girl
    I killed in the day
    In the name of my country
    And lay awake at night
    Trying to fall asleep
    With one eye open.

    When I came back
    From the trenches at Somme
    My dad had died of
    A stray bullet to his heart
    And my girl had been
    Taken away by the flu
    And my mum had
    Shed a lifetime's worth
    Of tears in four months.

    This town of mine
    Where I had been born
    And played footy in the mud
    Was a ghost, a stranger
    Everything was the same
    The buildings and the pubs
    And yet everything was different
    Maybe it was the people
    Who seemed to have
    Forgotten how to laugh
    And the light seemed
    To have left their eyes.

    It was like a
    Part of me had
    Been left behind in
    The trenches at Somme
    Something broken, something
    Lost, something dead
    Like a part of my soul
    Had crawled into a
    Grave beneath the dirt
    And I was too tired
    To go back to
    The trenches at Somme
    And crawl back out.

    - Avitaj

    @dopamine @thegreymetaphor @despair

    Note:
    The Battle of Somme was fought between July and November 1916, by the British and French armies versus the Germanic empire. 3 million men fought in this war, and around 1 million died, making it one of the bloodiest battles in history.

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    When I Was There In The Trenches At Somme

    You know gentlemen.. there's hell, and there's another place below hell.

    - Tommy Shelby, Peaky Blinders

  • allbymyself 3d

    Someday we will run into each other again. I know it.
    Maybe I'll be older and smarter, and just plain better. If that happens, that's when I'll deserve you. But now, at this moment, you can't hook your boat to mine because I'm liable to sink us both.

    - Gabrielle Zevin

  • allbymyself 4d

    I know they name storms after people. I wonder what they would call you.

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    You dream a 4 AM dream, and wake up to a 5 AM sun, to be met by a flickering lightbulb that bathes the room in an errie sort of ochre light.
    Chaos wages a silent war with peace, and the anarchy that had grown tired of living on your skin and was threatening to spill into your veins is quelled for the time being.

    - Avitaj

  • allbymyself 5d

    Now I know why you run
    In little feet, with a hopeful heart
    Your skin torched by the mid March sun
    Faces betray nothing, as you play a part.

    Now I know why you run
    Under slate grey skies and pouring rain
    Wondering if you'll shoot cause I see a gun
    Wondering if you're dead inside, or if you still feel pain.

    Now I know why you run
    Song on your lip, and cold steel on your wrist
    Matchstick in your hand and fire to burn
    We're smoke and mirrors, as we walk into the morning mist.

    Now I see why you run
    Mocking fate and clinging to faith
    Played the odds and had your fun
    Here it comes, an appointment with death.

    - Avitaj

    Title taken from the Agatha Christie novel of the same name.
    Lyric translation is there on YouTube.

    @despair @thegreymetaphor @dopamine

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    Appointment With Death

    Voila, je m'en retourne aux autres
    Qui m'aiment et que n'aime pas
    C'est comme ca
    Et toi, va retrouver cette autre
    Tu l'aimes ou c'est ce que tu crois.

    - Voila, Françoise Hardy

  • allbymyself 1w

    I got some words
    Saved for a rainy day
    For the roads
    I never walk
    For the moments
    I am lost
    And need to
    Find my way
    For those times
    When inspiration is
    Hard to find
    For those months
    You are staring
    Out the window
    Watching spring turn
    Into colourless summer
    And nothing good
    Comes to mind.

    I feel like
    It should be okay
    If there is
    The occasional day
    When you feel
    That you have
    Nothing worthwhile to say
    You don't need
    To tear your
    Hair out if
    The words don't flow
    Sometimes the water
    Will barely drip
    And the deadlines
    Would end up being
    Touch and go.

    - Avitaj

    @despair @thegreymetaphor @dopamine

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    Writer's Block

    I got some words
    Saved for a rainy day.

  • allbymyself 1w

    Note: Till Kingdom Come is a phrase meaning "into the next world/afterlife."

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    I ask you how you kiss and you shake your head and say that you don't.
    You feel like a stranger, wearing a phantom skin and living on borrowed clocks.
    You desert your body, and watch others kiss you, this is what being numb must feel like.
    You ask me to say something but I can't, not today. Not tomorrow. And quite possibly, for all the days till kingdom come.

    - Avitaj

  • allbymyself 1w

    Sometimes, I look at you sitting by the window. Doing nothing. Just sitting down, with that look in your hazel eyes. Watching the days flit by, watching the seasons melt away. You make breathing sound poetic.

    The look that veers between a rising happiness reaching a crescendo and then falling back to the depths of hopelessness​, and at the worst of times, an indifference that tries so desperately to find a home and yet ends up spending its nights under the winter sky.

    It strikes me that if your soul escaped from your body, and I were to take its place, you wouldn't notice a thing. It is a terrible and beautiful thought to realise just how similar we are. Just how similar we can be.

    Sometimes you start to talk about things that interest you, the books and music you can't live without. Your face glows, as if there is an invisible streak of sunlight coating your eyes. The books and music I couldn't care about even if I wanted to.

    But I listen nonetheless, not to the words themselves, but to the tone of your voice as the joy floods through your skin, eventually manifesting itself in laughter. It is a terrible and beautiful thought to realise just how different we are. Just how different we can be.

    - Avitaj

    @despair @thegreymetaphor @dopamine

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    Days and Seasons

    Sometimes, James feels like a person I could love. Like really, really love. At other times, he feels like a total stranger.

    - Alyssa, The End of the Fucking World

  • allbymyself 1w

    When I jump
    I feel nothing
    The numbness closes
    Around me like walls
    I never could scale
    The memories whisper
    Thick and fast
    The silence has never
    Seemed more loud
    The sky is weightless
    It is a sort of colour
    That drives painters insane
    My toes flail around
    Trying to find solid earth
    And my hands are
    Strapped to my sides
    Clutching at thin air
    And I count the
    Seconds before the fall.

    You don't walk, never had to
    Your body was born to glide
    The Gods were kind, they
    Gave you grace
    And I got two left feet
    I see you spin, across the ice
    A lone star, nobody at your side
    I rarely pray, but tonight
    I beg you to stay
    But you smile
    The smile of death
    Say you have
    Oceans to cross and
    Continents to conquer
    And under the stars
    I watch you pirouette
    While your toes
    Whisk you softly away.

    - Avitaj

    @dopamine @despair @thegreymetaphor

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    Mid Air

    'Cause in this life you must find something to live for
    'Cause when the darkness comes a callin'
    You'll go back to where you were before

    - As It Seems, Lily Kershaw