There exists a lustful tranquility When you stand amidst chaos To watch it all crumble down With an arrogant smile across your face Filling your lungs with scorching embers As you stand at the edge of a dying empire Finding the sound of your heart Over the thumping and shaking of the ground
Panic rules when you have no control But so does bliss,should you let go of the reins
Letting it tumble, crash and burn to hell A worldly death so spiritual in its essence From the blood trickling down your skin To the tears that adorn your grin Crowning you master to your own destruction Tarnishing the throne you sat so highly upon
I don't like letting my hair down, insecurities you know. I look like a pumpkin ghost with my hair down. I do. I have like a ton of smiles, for every occasion. But the rarest ones are which make the corner of my eyes wrinkle and display my enormous vampire teeth. I wonder if you know, that I smile a lot when when you're not in the other side of the 6 inched screen. I've taught myself smiles people won't fall for, at the end It's all about people who still stay despite my earnest tries to push them away. If you stay, then perhaps I'll stop running away from myself. If someone asks me what is a smile, I'd perhaps tell them it's something I feel while looking at the skies, a reminder that life is worth living. A smile is a feeling. But if it were a person, It'd be you , for me. You know how I associate numbers and persons together? I know you find it annoying, my obsession with numbers. But you never complain when I send you songs or vice versa. You reside in songs, You perhaps are a song, like a lullaby that takes care of me. Love is a delicate feeling, it's almost like holding a bubble, you hold it too hard and it breaks, you hold it too softly and it flies away. You never know what to do with love, nor do I. But I'm still figuring out whether to hold on hard or soft. You might never find this, this is one of those many letters I wrote you but never had the courage to give you. This account somehow feels like my second home, because I've built my own wall here, black, mauve,pink, blue,white. I wonder if you notice how I'm taking pride in myself. I want to see you someday on a cliff, your hair floating while you look at the horizon and gape. You're terrified of colours, terrified , yes. My home isn't colorful either but I won't abandon it ever. I'm so bad a mending things, once I collected like a lot of dried autumn leaves, flattened them but then all of a sudden they broke, I took a step back. I'm not capable of healing a person, I can't heal you either, I'm not healed myself. But haven't we always found home in broken things? I find beauty in strange things, so do you. So it never occurred that someone else might feel otherwise, I've always looked at you the moment I know I'm going to have a downfall. I know you perhaps don't do the same. It's okay . You love the moon. At 11:11 I've often wished for the moon to be yours just to see that smile on your face. I'm never the one to make you smile. Am I? You don't mind. I'm not doing well these days, it's not same for two broken people to stay together. I suppose I walk away first, I'm good at that you know. You don't have to look back when I tell you I love you. Don't. You'll make me weak. I love you, I really do. It's so hard losing your favourite song. You can't cry, I'm so glad you can't . You may be can. I don't know . But I know you don't care or maybe you do. I have walked away from a lot of things, except for skies. You know they. are a part of me. My name itself translates to clouds. You've never stopped me from loving them. But I stop myself from loving myself . I don't love myself, I've known you for 2 years now, I've had my share of love, smile, tears. But you still don't feel anything. Be okay kid. Be good. I wish I were not this fragile. I deserve to love myself and you deserve to be happy. Right now these things don't rhyme together. Maybe someday it will. That someday is so far. I'm afraid I won't find your fingers dry and cold when I'll return. So better I leave forever. You will be happy. I will make sure you are. I'll be gone for good. I'm sorry. I love you, always will. I'll find someone but a part of me is, was, will be with you. I'll be a new person then and you'll be with a new person then. This will all make sense then. For now leaving is the only choice.