*7th April, 2019* "How do you shift focus from someone who means the world to you? How do you stop thinking about the person who is there all the time in your mind? How do you suddenly change your priorities in order to be stable mentally?" He kept asking himself these questions as he waited for the right time. The right time to tell her how much he was in love with her! But it isn't that easy, specially when the other person knows about it and has already cleared her side stating that she likes someone else. The possessiveness that he possessed had already created a lot of problems and a time had to come when things had to be set right, when things had to stop. While everything was on, people were clapping around, cheering for his words, appreciating him for his heartfelt pieces, he kept asking himself the same questions again and again. He kept wondering about how cruel can love, time, circumstances and spoken words be to someone. But he smiled, just like she did, all the time! He smiled with a touch of sadness, no one else noticed in those heartfelt words. And as he smiled, he thought to himself, "there has to be a first time that I think about me first and not about her... "
*19th October, 2019* "If not now, then it would never happen", he said to himself after how things had been between them for sometime. Everything seemed distant to him now- home, friends.. everyone and everything! He felt like he lost everything in that 15 minutes of conversation they had. Isn't it funny how life treats you when you expect happiness in return of happiness? All he wanted was to be understood for why he did what he did, why he said things, why he wrote like that, why his eyes shone brighter in the dark. He walked away from her place that day with a firm promise that he would never go that way where all he gets are broken expectations and disregarded and unappreciated feelings. He walked away from that place, leaving his questions and her happy for the first time. That night, two people died in him- the one who smiled and the one who cried. A new man was born, and he wrote something for the first time.
The train was about to start and his heart was skipping beats. This was a tough moment for him, something that he had never thought about. He had kept his calm throughout the day, and as she boarded the train and bid him goodbye with words, 'take care of yourself', he got down from the train, teary eyed and just let go of the tears looking away from the window. He waited for the train to blow the horn and start running. When it did, he tried walking as fast as he could, just to get a good look from the window till he could have got. But the train caught pace, and left him behind like she left him behind all alone.
He slowed down with his head in his hands and was about to turn, when suddenly the train started slowing down and then came to a halt. In this moment, he ran! He ran as fast as he could to get to that coach, to that window where she could be seen from, but he slowed down and eventually stopped. Was it worth running behind the train that didn't even care if he went away or stopped? Was it worth running behind someone who was herself running away to her happiness? His questions gave him answers as he saw the train starting again, picking up pace and leaving the station finally. He stood there, unnoticed, like always! And time went on....
*15th August, 7:35pm*
He: Do not call me from there. She: Why? I will if I wish to. He: I know you won't wish to. She: Don't you know so much? He (smiling back): I wish you did.