'I love you' the three magical words from the chords of an important person sounds so mellifluous. Right? Seasons starts turning, spring knocks your footsteps, wind dipped into the sweet rhythm of violin and your eyes stuck on the beauty of your beloved. It's the most strange feeling and may be the best moment of your life. Life suddenly alter it's route from being the dried rose between the old pages of your diary to the newbie bloomed on the pedicel of love. A sweet smile starts engulfing the fears coz your heart has exchanged the beats with someone, who will mould every droplet from your eyes into an oyster.
With every evening walk together you try to be a perfect ceramic fitting between their fingers. From ending small fights with a forehead kiss to overpowering the negativities of their mind, a pat for the miasma of enlightenment around and a count of their beats describing you, makes you grow everyday under the shade of the sky whose every inch is reserved for your sight.
But is this growing enough?
Do you remember the last time when you pushed the same person leaving them behind, with a cradle nourishing your ego and rage. You easily reckoned in again, with a smile and flowers aiding the hole in their life. May be they accepted you with the same warmth of love but what about the torment he/she streamed in. You won't realise but the string started getting feeble and it will break evolving a new ocean of blues with a red hue. You wished to lend a veil of red roses but thorns multiply themselves in geometric way.
No love comes without pain, it gifts bunch of tears in return of a single ease.How come Edison failed to invent a bulb with forever glowing filament and you being a simple human dreaming of uprooting every darkness. What if, someday you be their biggest evil pushing them into the coffin of unfolded gloom. Will you move your steps back, to keep them away from such grave in their room?
Love isn't a penny on the street that can gift the favourite candy you need. It wafts as the summer rain, which blows you away in it's novelty but don't take much time to turn into a turbulent breeze.
It demands much of the sacrifice you have ever made, more of blood that flows into your veins. Red is the colour of love but it's the colour of blues too which pour over as a cloud of dew. Love can be dark so far, once your heart started bleeding through the sores over it.
The journey is not through a smooth plain, crest and trough will pave your way. But once stepping the end, look back the footprints behind, all sores seems to make the barren land fertile, they will bloom into a new zeal, embracing the togetherness you lived. Now decide dark or red, what fate your love harbours.
If dark circles had a voice They would be mumbling roses at me For adoring them graciously In a world where they are disregarded ruthlessly.
These murky hoops are featously moulded Tedious sheltering uncanny memories That once were paradigm of bookaholic Now are furrow of my tears.
Like oasis in a desert They gag and quench my griefs Dew drops haze the aridity of my ebony My skin tone calling out, it's copious of obscurity.
Every dawn texture them crystal clear Making my Felicity a fiction Drifting into the graveyard of summoned desires Eyes closed, to smash the stringent nightmare. The blink shattered it all Endowing the harsh veracity.
I'm gruntled, continually forth these shades A jewel inditing iteration of life Unless it was more brutal Sophisticating the existence and pinching nostalgia.
The world won't pick up those scars, you see! Either they gotta hot topic for gossiping or your tears will make their day pleased. You might be grooving those deep answers on your face. But trust me, it would leave you more desperate. Standing ahead of your own shelter, sweeping behind the lonliness, Oh damn brave girl, you can curate it.
I know it's not always that easy to continue in that dark corner, just persisting with the holy water. I know it's not that easy to press your hands against your facade to wallop those screams. But trust me, it's going to make you more sturdy and one day each of your blue's will pay back making you freed from all those hoves. Don't crush yourself for the people around, they will always keep reaping their strong intuition of forlorn. It's not you but those mean souls, who think it's easy to make you cry for you are a part of girly society.
You ain't alone. I can see your scream, I can hear your eyes, I can smell those rosy wounds which you adore daily in this bathroom.Believe me you're brave enough to console and confess, this bagnio will always remain your place to rest. You're gonna rock fathoms deep. Just keep adoring your scars, your beliefs, your torments until the time they be bruised so bad, that they fear coming back.
When you say, you actually don't care about anything, is the clock when you care about every drop of words and actions being poured over your heart. It deeply hurts when the souvenir of your life is being pulled down from the head of priorities intentionally. I might have said at times, things don't affect me for any kind of poetry but in reality they do like the valves of heart.
There every I don't care anymore hides, I care the most. The intensity of hidden feelings when full to the brim cloaks the senses of my body and every stimuli just wakes another wave of grief.. Falling in love is the easiest of all things but to live with it takes efforts. The havoc doesn't end here, when you have a rose of one sided love blooming in you, to live without it is the hardest of all things. It's OK to see you with someone whom you love and not me, everytime I will pray for you to be with your loved one but like the autumn wind, the rush of my graved feelings fuels tears of pain in eyes. Not everytime I can pretend to be happy, sometimes I wish to show the real pale cheeks hidden behind the facade. Is this hurting myself worth anything? Just like the wine seems to be futile without any piece of ice, perhaps love without love is worth every wound.
It's OK to hide what you feel, it's OK to cry for not deciphering your tears, it's OK to love someone without actually being loved but I fail to know, If it's OK to hug you at times when I could no more hold things inside.
Do you anyway feel what my, 'I don't care anymore' whisper into the air.....
I know I couldn't be the one for you even after loving you, but you know it don't hurts me anymore just because I don't care anymore.
//Love is not always about being happy, sometimes it's just about bearing and surviving the distance//
The year is about to pass as a whole. And for the very last time I'm sitting in peace to peep inside myself. For many of us the year might be dreadful like life in hell where we are assumed to be the extreme sinners. Counting the losses I've made this year, it's quite engrossing to know that I've never earned anything to loose but was just waiting for the miracle to happen. Each day I fought a war with myself struggling to sleep. In the race of becoming myself I took it to be a part of the crowd and lost the most precious thing I ever had, I lost myself. People come and go but what they tempt to bring in your life is, change. I couldn't see any change for good reason still I learned a lot. I believe, the year had portrayed the worst in me and my shoulders have leaned enough, carrying the huge baggage of grudges. I feel ashamed to face myself in the mirror, not for being the one but for ever thinking to end my life. I feel ashamed of loving someone when I was supposed to just smile and walk away. I feel ashamed of the facade I'm bearing today. Everyone of us face things we are not willing to breathe, but atleast you face instead of running away like a coward. I insist myself to run away from things, I should actually hold and tie myself to memories which pierce every bit of motivation I could gather. I fear losing people, I fear failure, I fear rejection and there I fall everytime. I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted and that is what calls me to recite dark tales often. We can be enough for ourselves, right? I know the change is not spontaneous but I want to try. I really wish to leave everything behind that is tormenting me. I've reached a point where I've no more energy to fight back, I'm tired of everything. Let's hope to end the year with things you would wonder facing years after. Let me end the night with the estuary of struggles at the end. // the beginnings are destined to begin but the ending can even be the beginning of a destined end //
yours - asphodel_
P.S - writing is not always about healing but you are not always supposed to be expressive/vulnerable to your best friend - 'the diary'
All I wished for me is being alone, all I could say I'm alone.
Till this day uncountable dawns had passed in despair and no fresh air had kissed the faint curtains of my stinky room. Again the Christmas is giving jingles to every smile around. But it's just my home left uncovered by the warmth of happiness when the wind itself is serene.
It's after years, my feets are itching to get up and open the door, welcoming the December wind to dance over the happy times.
It's after years, my eyes are craving for light when everything still is dark.
It's after years, my pen is swirling to scribble positivity, calming the inner storms to rest in peace.
It's after years, my dreams want to see a Santa, offering me the heartiest gift of good will.
There in this life, I lost all my desires and hopes running behind oasis of inner peace. Lately someone held me close to the illusion and calmed the rushing steps. I could see the huge monuments of satisfaction and peace built by humans. Perhaps instead of running behind illusion they found that silence and beauty inside them.
Sometimes we need to take a pause and sit beside someone, who would actually wipe your fears and grudges to help you move ahead with a smile.
It's difficult to weep when everything inside you is heavy and the gravity can't help you relieve the pain. Perhaps, I'm feeling the same. Still I could find myself relieved.
I could see my mother turning into Santa years back. Those were days when I was not responding to darkness. Looking back to the recently gone years, I pity myself for losing so much. But what I pity more about is deliberately pushing away the laughter and joy coming to me.
I hope to revive the joviality lost in me, and wish to LIVE the upcoming year with more courage and strength. With a genuine smile on my face.
To dear Santa, If you do exist, gift everyone the hope, they lost while getting hold of happiness.
@sau_rav13 if I could write this, the reason is you
If I could alter my stance all I wish for Christmas is 'Courage' ≈ for winding up the misery under the blanket of warmth, Every dusk I feel you holding my hand which is left forlorn by the dawn. I wish to confine every echo of one sided love in the deep dark corner of my verses keeping it alive forever.
all I wish for Christmas is 'Faded memories' ≈ so that my pen could stop bleeding blue. I never wished to be a poet but the sombre of your fingers slipping down my wounds made me scream to the fullest. I wish to kill the poet in me to stop choking my own breathe and abiding the pain alive for suffocating my senses to not fall in love again.
all I wish for Christmas is 'An end' ≈ for I might be greedy but the ripped pieces of mine are dieing without harmony. An end, not so beautiful/fictional as a fairytale but an end to the road lending love to my eyes. I wish to wear a smile not real but of a facade, Perhaps, my lips are all barren wet from salt spring whenever efforts pour to stretch their edges.
If only I could alter my stance I promise you to love forever but take away my heart for I can't hold the strings of attachment anymore.
I might have failed in love but will never in keeping my promise. By the end of Christmas eve all I wish for Christmas is Serendipity *in no more miseries*
Dimmed lights with soft spooky touch of separation anxiety makes every night, my muse.
Felt by the serene fingers of your hidden red, my soul feels warm on every December night. The 3 AM harms the soft hands holding my flaws and the rain starts pouring over the already wet pot. I'm not a potter, still I'm trying to shape out something beautiful from the minute of togetherness we enjoy. Everytime you leave for sleep, my senses turn jinxed and the very first thought of losing you strikes.
You promised to hug me tightly even at the coldest times. Should I trust you?, when I already know, promises are made to break. Every night you promise me a saviour staying beside for eternity, should I trust you?, when I know people enters to leave.
Perhaps I betwixt a smile in between the divine tears flowing but my inner voice shrills with disgrace. You say it's easy to continue walking alongside even if you know you are no one. But for the sake of one sided love you should go far. In between how many times I've to die after being caught by emotional death, who will keep the actual count of it?
Every time when my eyes shut, I see you holding someone with love, Just a glimpse of such sight break every joint holding my veins.
It's just fear filled in me and it had reached an epitome where the love flourishing inside my heart is failing to stay concealed.
I fear for the day when the hold of our hands will seperate.
I fear the day when you will come with a jovial face and show me the love you see in other girl. How will I breathe that day to survive?
The blow of these mere thoughts started giving jerks to my existence.
I tremble I tremble
Are you real? Or just an illusion?
Wake me up unless my dream world will become a black beast of the real world.
The first few days in love are probably the best days of your life. The sunshine is more warmer, the sky is more vast, the colors are more vibrant, honey tastes a bit more sweet and every night is a journey towards the stars.You eagerly await for your lover's tinkle, you have surreal thoughts of a romantic date, maybe on a beach or somewhere close to nature. You visualize yourself standing with your beloved on the apex of a blue mountain gazing and adoring the smoggy gorgeous sunset.
Betwixt the farewell of dawn and arrival of dusk there always lingers a balmy evening with a heartening sunset. Evenings are magical. The day forbears by kissing the seashore and bidding it with a goodbye, the night is about to approach and the tufts of clouds scud the sky with a mystical sparkle. The sun has just descended in the west, the sky resembles color of an apricot and the birds are harking back to their aeries. Aren't evenings perfect for romantic dates?
Together, we just want to fly away from this world, and hold our hands whilst transcending the hazel sky and abscond into the abyss of our bewitching fantasies
Ostensibly, every dawn is a beautiful adventure which is ordained to bring you both closer. It all feels like an ecstatic dream you never want to wake up from. Love is the one thing i know that can make you feel heaven on earth.
Together, we run towards the endless trials of love, we move criss-cross, amble the beach, wade the ocean and scrabble up the mountains, yearning to find ourselves in each other
Isn't love a good reason to live? Maybe it is or maybe it's not. But it's certainly a reason worth dying for.
We wander around seeking the 'one' with whom we could sing our songs. Together, we would sit on the train track observing the stars under the black sky. Black isn't romantic, it's mysterious. Just like our bond.
I want to gift you a banquet of flowers, flowers which are withered and dead and can resuscitate only by your touch , Promises are the budding petals of those flowers and Just like a night which doesn't end with the rising sun, love never ends in the void, it merely begins there.
The pages of my diary are now filled with our soppy tales and all i do is scribble your name on it over and over again.