i lay curled up on my side beside you your fingers descending down my spine one step at a time and i wanna warn you, advise you to be careful, to watch your step but i can't bring myself to. i can't tell you why some days i'm so burdened by my own thoughts and i can't tell you why they're there or where they come from because maybe then you'd leave and i kinda want you around a little longer because right now you're what makes the dark feel a little less scary and a lot more like home. i'm being selfish, i know. the day i first met you felt like i walked onto no man's land and i don't know if you know but you're redemption and i've got a sinner's hands. repentance is the only thing that never came easy to me and forgiveness isn't something that i deserve or want. i'm a little too comfortable in the depths of my misery and i don't want you thinking that you can save me there's nothing left of me to be saved and there's always the chance that i might drag you down too. please do not add to my guilt. i hope you notice the marks on my back. i got them while trying to break free from everything that held me down including myself. and i hope that it's also obvious i didn't succeed. these nails are venom and these eyes are prison. do you see the fire? it's there to keep everyone out. that's what you do to keep predators away. except i'm the predator here and i don't want no one stumbling into my lair. some days i feel like i'm being purged, my chest rises and falls a little darkness escapes my body the flames lick at my throat and my blood turns to lava. i will for it to come back and it does. like being slammed into ice cold water from an enormous height. and i wake up panting in bed my body drenched in sweat trying to make sense of what i'd call a nightmare, but is it still a nightmare if you're very much awake? you know i had words so many of them. but i think i lost them too to the dark and i fear they'll never find their way back to me. and, hey? do you know what becomes of the people who can't escape the dark? they make it their own personal hell and rule it. and they don't take any equals. because if you can't escape it, you gotta crown up and own it..
Dear soil, You remember, don't you? You remember that man coming with his Axe, a meaningless smile on face. He hacked and chopped me off, without a single tear. It was he who played under my shade, he who swung my branches, he who had hugged me.. We have carried his childhood memories. His childhood is imprinted on me, everywhere. His art is etched upon my trunk, the rope of his swing still clinched to my branch, one of his balls still sleeps in the hollow of my trunk, singing the songs of his past. I can still feel his touch, full of love. I can still hear his careless laughter. I have treasured the child in him. I have besieged his greatest treasure. His childhood, which he would never get back. Yet today he comes, to watch me die, and doesn't even flinch. All I gave him was love, but never thought that he would change so much. The knife of those echoes of memories pierced so hard, it hurts so much, that I don't even wish to live. These humans are so strange. They are once the zephyr of unconditional love, and then they transform, transform into nothingness, transform into something unexplainable. Now I lie in the scorching sun. Once it felt warm and soothing, today it is a step towards death. The sky weeps today. Maybe for me, I don't know. But I feel good. My roots are choking. They crave for water. But oh! Soil. They are separated from you. My love, you have always been with me. I thank you for that. "From birth to death, thou shall be with me. In thy palms shall be my last breath. I shall be honoured to sleep in thine palms, thou who hast given me everything. These words shall burry with me, and lie forever and forever in thy treasures." And now I will wither, choke, burn, throttle and soon sleep, sleep forever. I wait for my end to come, so that I get the pleasures of your love. Wait for me. I am coming. Soon. Soon.