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  • badderbitch209 13w

    Greiving a death yet to come

    I know you're having a hard time bubba. I didn't mean to upset you by saying any of this. I don't know exactly how you feel but I know your hurting. You're probably feeling weak defeated and like it's not going to get better. But I want you to know you're never alone, I appreciate you, I love you and your life matters to me, but I love your death just as much too bc then you won't suffer here on earth anymore.
    I'll be your strength when it gets to heavy, I'll push when you shove and I'll carry you when your legs get heavy. I can't take all your pain away and I can't change anything that's happened behind us. Never look back, we don't go backwards only forward. Never go back where you came from or through the same door twice. I know you feel lost and like it's dark around you, but I can be the light that shines until you find your way back. If you must go and can't do it anymore, I won't be mad, I won't tell you not too, bc I understand souly and I've been there too. Sometimes it's the only way to stop suffering an only practiacal or realistic option at the time bc everything else is so far fetched. I won't blame you if you give up, I won't tell you not to, but that's not what I want all the same bubba.
    I would be the first person to understand and say that it's not a coward way out. Its the bravest thing anybody can do in my book. That takes some serious fucking balls bc it's uncharted territory and unknown.
    I want you to know I'm here for you, in every way i can be. My biggest fear is getting a message or call that youre gone, but as bad as itd hurt my heart bc this wasn't supposed to be our life, I'd be at peace knowing you got your peace and wings to fly with a pitchfork and horns lol.
    Youre my hero bubba, we can make it through this, but it's only going to get harder. I don't know anymore about anything but I know that I love you and I'm happy I have you in my life.. for what it's worth.
    If you feel any type of way bout doing a little to much or wanting it to end. I won't tell you not to if that's what you really want bc I understand and feel your pain inside me, but Id at least like you to tell me goodbye.
    Please bubba.
    And maybe hearing my voice will make you wait another' day or decide that time isn't the right time..
    Jus know that it'll be okay... Right now just isn't our time. But I promise you it's coming. Be strong, or I'll be strong for you when you feel like you have nothing left to fight for.
    ©badderbitch209

  • badderbitch209 13w

    Bust back bitch

    I'm waiting up all night tripping and sipping on this nasty bottle of wine. Hoping youll find your way back to me before dawns early light. I don't want to argue but I feel you outta know this ain't right. If another nigga can pull me he can just keep me for his own, but if a bitch pulls you best believe I'm shooting up her mother's home. If you ever left me for someone they better have the chop ready, cuz I'ma pull up and and my aims quick and steady. Its been 10 hours and ain't heard shit for a update, you'll be right back is turning into some other shit and baby I ain't the one to play. Is she a boss like me, can she trap me like, hang a wreath up and turn it into a home like me? I know it ain't the pussy cuz I know I got the good, I know you ain't mobbin the streets cuz you ain't been seen in the hood.
    Tell me to hold you down and be your little wifey, I ain't no main bitch im the one, you don't get no side piece.
    All these little thots wanna bust down so quick, so who you fucking you daddy, you better give no other hoe my dick.
    I ain't the one man I'm telling you don't even try me, I ain't gonna let no nigga get over on me or think he can slide one to the side right by me.
    Ima shooter I'm fighter and Ill wreck you both,
    Come home soon daddy I just want you to hold.
    ©badderbitch209

  • badderbitch209 13w

    Rock bottomed out

    Every body's gotta opinion of my life but nobody really wants me to succeed. They all say I need to do better but they're the downfall and destruction of me. I pick myself up after each time I trip, theyre sticking out their shoe hoping I'll catch a slip. The wons cheering me on are the worst ones I crossed, they say they want me to win but they do everything for my loss.

  • badderbitch209 13w

    Pilot to copilot

    Our dates are always fun but somewhat stressful. They are never just a dinner and rush home kinda affair. More like, leave for morning coffee or to grab a pizza and we end up 2 states over masked up with helicopters in the horizon coming to report our activities back to headquarters.
    Ride or die or something like that..
    We were posda just go look at a house, and I don't even remember what else honestly.
    I know for a fact it wasn't driving 2 hours up north ish and blowing all our money at the casino, dumping a entire commerical shipment of cheezits ln the car( we are NEVER going to get them all out).. or commiting our first GTA together.
    I went to the car while he tried his luck. And covered up so no body could be seen. I was invisible under that thermal sleeping bag, I liked it so safe and snug.. I passed out so quick but i kept getting awakened by the dam people being obnoxious coming out the casino and anxious to get in to fuck with lady luck.
    Soo. There was some cheezits. A whole brand new box. And I was hungry. well not hungry hungry
    .. have you ever slept ate cheezits??
    Judge me. Idc. God is, so why not you too.
    I didn't realize that the box had tipped over. So my next half conscious attempt at a handful I kept fumbling wit the box. I thought only a couple fell out. The box was lighter but after all it was like the 5th snack I had grabbed. So I popped them In my mouth after making the box do cartwheels and flipps tossing cheezits all over like confetti without being aware of the mess I was creating.
    I fell back to sleep. I was sleeping so hard and good. Where your internally warm and wake up still half in another world. And I hear babe you okay to follow me. Here clean the se......
    Wtf...why is there cheezits all my seat.
    Wait. Where did you even find these.
    Still drooling and unable to keep attention I drifted backoff and he grabbed my arm and said babe you gotta drive. And I said what why
    He said I got the Honda. I still oblivious to what he was saying snapped to reality. And said what?
    He said hurry up baby the car right next to us I got it. We gotta go.
    You okay babe? You gotta follow me c'mon we gotta go.
    I was not expecting this.
    So we proceeded back to the trap, our little kingdom that we are king and queen too.
    And we're mobbing. Still trying to wake up i almost hit a median right in front a cop.
    He hit his breaks but we were long gone before he could turn around.
    And lightweight I was sick at my stomach and upset bc I didn't want to lose him over a car.
    Or catch another gta case this year.
    Mashing down the freeway we hit 95 mph. Out past covid curfew. Only mother fuckers stooopi enough to not only be out on the roads, and at that doing 95 mph escorting and piloting a stolen vehicle. .
    Wat the fuck.
    There were approximately ten felonies times ten In the car I was navigating. I'm on the most wanted list as of this week. My home county hitting 3 houses for me. And he's out on bail for something along the lines of kidnapping and high speed pursuit. Once again it's not as bad as they make it sound.
    And I follow him off an exit.
    We pulled up at the gas station
    He grabbed something out the car, his flashlight.. and walked around the block where I picked him up and his appearance was completely different. And said good job baby. With a devious smile on his face looking over his shoulder and mine to make sure nobody suspected anything. But nobody was around but us.

    Crazy as fuck. Usually this is me able to pull that off so good.
    I was impressed.
    And swapped seats after a bathroom break and headed to the trap like nothing ever happened but the energy In the car was different. Lighter and deeper all the same time.
    And I thought to myself.
    dam... That just happened.
    ©badderbitch209

  • badderbitch209 13w

    If you lie to me.im going to take it more than personally.

    Babe I want you to know that I don't lie to you. I don't mislead you, and I have nothing to hide from you from anything In my life. Past present future. If I wasn't happy I'd whine in hopes that we could fix what's wrong. If I wasn't in this whole heatedly I wouldn't be here. I'm not here bc I have to be or have nowhere to go. I'm here bc I want to be and I want you.
    I'm so into you it's crazy, I'm not worried about what other guys, bc I'm focused on you and this.
    I know every girl has done you dirtyy. Resulting in me paying for their mistakes, but it's not fair, bc that's them and they aren't me.
    I try to reassure you that I'm in this, and I'm sorry that you feel the need to remind me of basic relationship expectations. I'm not on some other shit i'm on our shit only.
    I don't ever want you to doubt trusting me, but you have to trust me or this isn't going to work. .
    I trust you...out n bout and don't question who you talking to or what you do or who you see. Bc I give you the benefit of doubt and hope that you respect me as much as I do you.


    I don't think you realize that this is huge for me. Letting someone this close, or nesting and trying to build a relationship with a solid foundation.
    I don't let people In my life, for reasons. I run as soon as it could move forward to something bigger and push people out. As bad as Ive wanted to run and not look back bc it's scary I'm still here thugging it out with you trying to make something outta two broken individuals. Its hard and frustrating sometimes bc your jus as damaged as I am but overall its worth it and not only am I happy but I'm content and it feels right.
    People don't change things bc it's fear of change. Out of their comfort zone, even if it's not healthy it's what they made okay and is normal.
    Instead of running from this bc of fear of change, I'm pushing through that fear to change things and have a life with you, that's healthy happy and content. But content doesn't mean settling or accepting things,. You always have to have goals or want better.and that's where I stand with all this..I want better for you for myself and for us.
    You're fucking amazing. And I swear the little moments that make me fall for you are what makes me want more for us as a team.
    You don't gotta trip babe I got you.
    ©badderbitch209

  • badderbitch209 14w

    Babies

    I can't live without them, my love runs through their veins, my soul lives in their hearts and I cry out to them silently everyday. They are missing from me, a piece that's no one should have taken away, they know my heart beat from the inside, with each tear falling the deep sorrow and pain. They know me better than I know myself, after all they've heard my thoughts inside until it was time for them to come out of their shell.
    They've talked to me by just the hearts words, nobody can hear it but even miles apart Ive still heard. At night I talk to them too and it eases some of their pain, no matter anyone says I'm still a piece of them, and I'll never change that nor be ashamed.
    They've been my strength to keep fighting to get right, hoping that I will overcome this injustice and once again be there for bedtime every night. For now my arms are empty and there's just a sun with no warm happiness, I hope they're not broken like me from this twisted mess
    I know they miss me, and I miss them more,
    I hope theres a reason for our suffering but still we suffer even more

  • badderbitch209 14w

    Snapped

    Even if you pop the lungs it'll still float.
    ©badderbitch209

  • badderbitch209 14w

    Rewards program.

    What you should do is let me outta bed … my heart sank for a second. Almost discouraged and a bit rejected, although I wasn’t trying to hard to seduce him.
    He looked at me, expressionless, then that devious smile pressed his lips as if he knew how much of a brat he was being..our eyes met. And he continued.
    I’ll go upstairs and buy a sack, and while I’m doing that, maybe you could throw on your favorite outfit…?
    I seen that look of desire in his eyes, his blue eyes had dancing flames in them, and I knew it was sin everything this man longed to do to me.
    I was shocked, and sat there for a minute registering what I just heard, then flushed over blushing and giggling.
    So I started bouncing and acting a fool In excitement rushing through my bag but in no means I’n Any hurry.
    He looked amused, and was watching me with this playful smile filling his cheeks, curious as to what I was going to chose.
    I stopped, and sat there looking at him, and he looked confused.
    Don’t you have somewhere to be? …..he chuckled and said your procrastinating me.
    ….no, your procrastinating yourself… get going..
    And as I stood up, I slowly took off my shirt looking at him with a authoritive look pressing him out the door.
    When he turned his back I unclipped my bra, and when he turned back my direction I was only covering my breasts with my hand.
    I could feel the sexual tension between us as I moved right past him.
    As laid on the bed I undid my belt. And when he got up from where he sat, he lifted an eyebrow realizing with every step towards the door I was meeting him with rewards. So by the time he got out I would be laying here naked, but he shook his head laughing…
    Check mate. Aha touche. She’s good he must’ve thought as he shut the door and I was laying back just meeting the matress with my naked flesh. As soon as I heard him round the corner down the hallways I jumped up knowing exactly what I was going to wear. He’d never expect this.
    I grabbed my emerald green silk robe that screams emerald citty royalty and my come fuck me pumps, shiny black plastic with a 6inch stilleto looked at my lip liner and dark brown eyebrows still perfectly in plae from hours prior… I quickly fluffed my hair still crispy from yesterdays leftovers. Then content and satisfied i slid into the bed…
    And here I am writing this, waiting…..
    ©badderbitch209

  • badderbitch209 14w

    Hearts don't breakeven

    Hearts shaped snitches, can't ever trust no bitches, snakes in the grass bite you when u not on you think you've slipped on past. They don't really love you it's all the same, thirsty little thots tryna get your hood fame. Can't even close your eyes, might even cost your life, can't come up of the floor when your shadows taking more.
    Heart shaped kisses, but when you leave that bitch switches, fuckin with your crew but it'd only hurt if you knew. She gets mad and tips the police, now your bails revoked and your hiding not to be seen. Never think it's your girl she's supposed to ride with you til your ontop the world.
    Coming up short n she's barely around, date with your partners pillow she's screamin his name out loud. Burnt your connects and fucked off your business, such a bad ass bitch but now she's on stand as a witness. You fell so hard and your trips were always right, now your sitting in a cell while she's out with the next nigga gettin high.
    Trapped so hard that bitch became a thug, the the streets and game taught her one thing, chose money over love.

  • badderbitch209 15w

    Caching.

    We made a trip to my home county. We were starting our voyage right as the sun rose, both of our favorite times of the day.
    And we proceeded into the start of the new day. It was beautiful. Pink and orange and purples all swirled
    Together w the silver clouds. The sun was bright orange, and I bet if it could be squeezed it would taste like the orange juice we’d freshly press back at my childhoodhome. There was a chill in
    The air that pierced through one side of your body and out the other side, although that spark between us was lit and warming our souls.
    We decided on visiting my dear friend, and Chloe, the four legged over sized pup that hasn’t grown into her body yet… who was more than thrilled
    to see me was indeed my furry companion. Once she realized that it was me In that car she couldn’t contain herself and acted like a toddler on a first shoogah high all jittery and outta control with no comedown in sight.
    She grabbed a whole entire tree as a gift to me in gesture that she was very pleased with
    My unexpected arrival and the company I brought.
    But secretly I had nervous jitters inside as opposed to Chloe still vibrating from the inside out and combusting with excitement. I mean if you think about it, I brought him home. Because Matty’s the only
    Family I have around these parts. I wasn’t necessarily looking for approval, but I indeed
    Hoped he’d give me his blessing. Seeing Matt made me unexplainably happy, like always.
    People don’t understand our friendship but it’s not negotiable or open for discussion To
    Compromise. He really seemed to understand that Matt was no threat and love me dearly
    Because of the things we have gone through together, as my right hand man, my partner in crime
    And very best friend.
    After departing we made a impulsive decision to head out to the casino, merely breaking Chloe’s heart that I didn’t stay for a sleepover like the usual routine.
    This mans mind is quite expansive, and he continuously surprises me with his intelligence and extensive vocabulary. He showed me his tantic to winning over slot machines and hitting major jackpots. And on God, it was no fluke. He won quite a few jackpots but, all in all, I’m the one who scored. I’m insanely lucky to have someone like him by my side. We compliment another and work together not against another like most items do in this era.
    I tend to get wreckless and not see things for what they really are. And he brings me back to practicalilty and reality. I often feel chaos inside, nerves or a hysteria I can’t control like frantically escaping something or searching for something I can’t find. And when I’m with him, it all just makes sense.
    He’s amazing. He brings peace to my soul and soothes my inner chaos of the shit storm I call my life.
    His cash out ticket I spun on 1 hit on a slot, and it ended up at 22. His number…
    Weirdly enough I just realized my lucky number 11, adds up to 22 or is 22 divided in half.
    Hmmmm. Checks out. Coincidence or irony, a sign of some sort?
    And then uhmmmm?
    And then… we met up with my brother.
    It went okay..
    I only lost a few tears. But no one seen them, I think.
    My brother and him were dam near two peas in a pod. I was harping on my brother for his in appropriate behavior and Tee nonchalantly made light of the situation and echoed his sound effects back.
    It was a baby step in the right direction on the road of healing and repairing a very fragile situation, I don't think I could have been as ok as I was after we pulled away if I didn’t have this man right by my side.
    You can’t go anywhere until you take the first step, being unsteady and unsure of my steps it’s a beautiful feeling to know that I didn’t have to take the first step alone.