Dear 2020, With enjoying all girls trip to goa post exams, to finally getting the tag of Dr, it all started on a good note. From making best use of this one last year of college, gaining as much knowledge that I could to making many more memories with my bffs to be cherished forever.You can't even imagine what all I had planned ahead.
But come 21 March, 2020 and the world came to standstill. All it took, was a virus to turn everybody's life. Being at home for such a long time after spending years in the hostel, seemed to be such a relief. Little did I know that I'd be missing my routine life back then.
So come lockdown, and out came the list of all to be read books, series and movies to be watched, paint brushes and those half written poetries.
From chatting endlessly with my friends discussing complex family tree of DARK and who's gonna survive the Money Heist to making those boring ppts.
Enjoying long video calls sharing our lockdown experiments to reminiscing good old days. From writing my heart out to attending online open mics From virtual bday wishes to online lectures.
From Enjoying family time playing tambola and ludo, carrying out those midnight baking endeavors to watching Disney with cousins.
Fun and Enthusiasm did last for long period of time, but it did come to an end. There came days when I felt like doing nothing. Days spent Just staring blankly at my diary or scrolling endlessly through insta barely giving a glance at any post. Days when I badly missed my college, the traffic, dining out at restaurants, those impromptu hangouts with friends. Days, when home felt like a prison which one could barely escape. Days, when everything seemed to be going wrong.
Days, where I brooded over the things that I could have done, had the things been different.
There was a time when I just hated you, wanting time to pass and things to get normal asap.
But at a same time I'm grateful to you, for all those little lessons that you've taught me, be it understanding the importance of human touch, spending quality time with loved ones, rediscovering self and being grateful to little things in life.
So finally here we are, near the end of yet another year. I'm glad its about to end and I do hope 2021 has something better in store for us. But Call me a hypocrite if you like, I'm gonna miss you.
Have you ever wondered who we are really? Are we really what we show? Or whether our true self lies within the core.
We all are born unique. Each one having their own physical characteristics, likes dislikes, intellect and sensitivity. Every one is one of it's own kind. But as one grows and becomes a part of larger society, there comes time when he has to hide his true self, portraying a facade. A facade of honest , hardworking employee/ student A facade of loving partner A facade of dutiful son/ daughter
What for? ACCEPTANCE RECOGNITION RESPONSIBILITY LOVE SURVIVAL
As time passes by, the core gets pushed deeper and deeper, covered within multiple layers. In the chaos of maintaining our roles we forget who we truly are..
Everyone and anyone I see or talk to, is trying their very best to outshine me. Many times I guess it's involuntarily so. People cannot just praise anyone now, they seek the praises for themselves instead.
They want to show off that they have in-depth knowledge of music, literature and they do not stick to the mainstream anymore, rather they have tastes that are finer than the rest. How they know the best about the nation and its good.
They do not hesitate in calling the other person's choice in music or films as lame. They've already seen any and everything that is trending on Netflix and Amazon (while I pass time watching harry potter memes on Insta, while being partly worried over the rising net prices.)
They call your dreams cheap for lacking the lustre of cash and the gloss of Switzerland. Sitting tight over their glorious surnames, they are ready to get offended by the second. It's a difficult time to be funny and doubly so to be sarcastic.
Ordinary though is everyone, extraordinary feats that are being accomplished, even if in words alone. Hundreds of trends, followed by people with more fervent than goodness ever was.
Your status is on crutches of your familiarity with the latest and the best of singers, the movies proclaiming the most intelligence and charisma, books that are complex for they have lost all the basic simplicity of breathing in us, Silicon valley hustle, Washington elections and all things left and centre.
The cosmos and parallel universe is the cynosure of discussions, though failing to understand what your parents want and no knowledge whatsoever of the desires of your scared heart and maimed mind. Everyone's a coder, hacker and mind mapper, even if all they get excited about is getting a few more currency notes in their wasted wallet.
When they ask you how you are, brace yourself because the next question will be about where you live and what you do. If you do not live in a metropolis, half of your image is down the drain, and if you are a clerk, then heaven forbid, you will be asked to DND. Collected money is better than knowledge today. And fancy filters.
Image is the keyword of existence now. Maybe it always was, and it's increasing exponentially.
I have to worry about the image my Insta is creating in the mindless monkeys called youth, the image my stupid resume makes on the dumb-f*ck minds of the interviewers, the image my salary makes on the minds of my relatives and neighbours and college mates, the image I make on probable boyfriends and so on.
So much is fake in my being, that I wish to rip off even the last bit of skin on my bones now, naked honesty, your original thoughts, no filters in reality.
In this brief turn at living, we must try to talk the truth, accept our reality.
Not everyone will have the same taste in movies and songs and dresses, no one is allowed to define beauty for you; it's all a trap of capitalism, where if you are not ashamed of your phone, why will you buy a new one? Buy a MacBook Pro or iPhone by raising a debt only to get the few envies due to a mirror selfie with the new candy.
Come on! Read, but for yourself, not to upload the latest confusion selling as hotcakes. Listen to your favourite songs, however old or out of trend, love your face, if fat-- genuinely try to get fit, sweat it out and be patient, rather than raising debts again to go under the knife.
Remember that a warm hug from your mother or a hi-five from your old friend or the act of cleaning your pet's poop, can make you a lot happier than a million views or likes on your posts.
Whatever job you do, if you enjoy it, do not be tempted to glorify it, just keep it. And there is no harm in being ordinary.
Not being able to play the guitar or to visit Maldives or having the coolest handbag or being able to do 50 burpees a day, don't make you, the ability to be content with your resources, while trying to figure out things for yourself is what makes you- You.
because on days we can't tame the hurricane brewing at the pit of our stomach we happily gulp down honeyed sunshine and chew on sugary and cheesy metaphors to hush it down till it falls asleep on a bed of roses whose thorns pricked our fingers too many times, that pain isn't a big deal anymore and we embrace love like a long lost friend who never fails to make us cry at every hello and goodbye, because life is like a train, we are passengers who wander and meet strangers at every station, where we sometimes lose our excess baggage of all the stuff that drains every ounce of happiness left in our memory bank, but then, L I F E indeed works in mysterious ways that despite the countless times it knocks us down, upon looking up the stars would be there smiling at us, and we would smile back so wide while peeling Band-aids from wounds that bleed myriad stories of failures and heartbreak, of past regrets and present fears that only self-love and acceptance can heal in the perfect time, and we'll wear our scars proudly like cute tattoos where buds of hope will soon bloom.