ciarán | nineteen | they/he | starving artist

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  • cemeteryboy 1w

    brain filled with maggots

    Brain fizzing like champagne in a new glass. Hands twitching to the sound of static. My eyes are melting. Your body is a valley of twilight. My fingertips burn your skin as my heart bubbles and oozes. Graveyards look so romantic. My love and lust are twin flames. Can we kiss for eternity? Why am I second place? Why. Why. Why. Why do you not feel as intensely as I? Why do you use no exclamations? Why do you hate me? Do you hate me? Am I evil? I must be a demon sent from hell to torment you. Why. Why. Why. You are all that matters. You are god. You are the IV drip for my veins. You are the mortician for my funeral. You are breaking my bones as I cushion yours. I feel my teeth fall out.

  • cemeteryboy 6w

    2001 - 2016

    I'm so mad at you.
    I'm mad you didn't see the release of Fallout: 76.
    I'm mad you didn't continue to play tennis.
    I'm mad you didn't graduate with us.
    I'm mad we never got to hang out after you switched schools.
    I'm mad I didn't know until it was too late.
    I'm mad that the last time I got to see you was a slideshow in Chapmanville.
    I'm mad that you didn't tell anyone how deep you were hurting inside.
    I'm mad you had access to a shotgun late at night.
    I'm not mad at you.
    Maybe I am, but not angry.
    I'm mad because I miss you.
    I'm mad because I never saw you get your own place.
    I'm mad you never got your own car.
    I'm mad we lost touch for too long.
    I'm mad I never got to tell you how great of a friend you were.
    I'm mad that video games and sports and music will always make me feel small and tiny and frustrated by your memory.
    I'm mad because you're gone forever.
    I'm mad that I'll never see you again.
    I'm mad I'll never hear your voice again.
    I'm mad I'll always wonder what I could've done to keep you here.
    I'm mad because I love you.
    I'm mad, but I miss you like hell.

  • cemeteryboy 6w


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    Pink bubblegum
    Black leather
    Pink gloss
    Black hair
    Pink phone case
    Black boots
    Pink scarf
    Black eyeshadow
    Pink nails
    Black nails

  • cemeteryboy 6w

    mental illness

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    Human Wreckage

    Skeletons in my car seat tumble out onto the pavement
    Beetles crawl down my throat and out my ears
    Bullets shatter my ribcage into deadly shards
    My head is under the shade tree, rotting
    Clouds burn my eyes until nothing but hollowness is left
    My teeth are busted inwards, chipped and mangled
    Cigarette ash decorates my hair like a crown of defeat

  • cemeteryboy 11w


    I no longer vomit up lyrics of songs that I taught myself to scream over my tears.

  • cemeteryboy 11w

    Last Dance

    Blood dripped onto the tile
    Beer spilled on the carpet
    Tobacco flakes stamped into the rug
    Pill residue on the countertop
    Mary Jane turns to me and smiles
    "Let me ease your pain."

  • cemeteryboy 11w


    Pastel tires roll down the highway, your fresh, pink nails click on your steering wheel in glee.
    Your blonde hair swishes as your head nods along to the playlist I made you at 3 a.m.
    Your excitement bubbles, like the stream next to your dorm room that lulls you to sleep every night.
    My old corolla cruises down the highway, my black waves are whipping against the A/C. My tongue rolls over my lip rings from anxiety. I bite down accidentally. It hurts but I don't seem to notice; the song I wrote for you is stuck in my head. I turn the radio up as the rock station finishes

  • cemeteryboy 13w


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    feelings of late

    I genuinely hate your guts. You made me lose friends, money, time, emotional energy, just for you to use me and call me a rebound. You are so fucking selfish. You're a liar and thief of the emotions of those who love you and fall for your charm. You're a leech on society, you're a broken branch in the park, waiting to trip the next jogger who comes running unsuspected. You are a rupture in my veins, your bruised ego has caused me more trauma for my brain seeds. I will need more time to heal. I trust no one anymore. You have murdered any hope of us being on good terms, even at the moment our clocks run out. This is an ode to your war like crimes upon my mind. Upon my body and many others who were vulnerable and sad and lost. You wanted someone to cater your every whim, every eye fluttering desire. You wanted a robot with bedroom eyes 24/7. You wanted a pillow who would never tell you you're wrong. You wanted someone to heal the bruises you punched into yourself. You will forever linger in the gaps of my teeth, the pores of my skin. You're eating away at me. I cannot feel my hands.

  • cemeteryboy 15w


    Cigarettes fill my lungs
    Alcohol fills my liver
    Pointless calories fill my stomach
    Your voice fills my head
    If only you had invaded my heart instead

  • cemeteryboy 15w

    The stability you gave me is something I'll be searching my whole life to replace.