I like to write poem's about how I truly feel inside of me. Don't follow to unfollow! I don't play that stupid game.
I still crave for that kind of pain.
When I was 12, got back from the foster home the second time. I started cutting and barely holding on. I wanted to die, to end the pain that I was going through. So I grabbed a knife and was going to stab myself in the heart, in my room, on the edge of my bed. Then I started to see images of my mom crying over my body, with my brother's comforting her with tears in their eyes too. Then I saw myself with kid's and that's when I realized I need to stay alive and started cutting less. When I was 22, I got more into cutting and wanted to die a lot more, because my ex fiance and his family treated me badly. Every relationship I got, I get treated like shit and I just kept on cutting, because I liked that pain more. When I was 29, I meet my best friend on Facebook and I promised him I would stop cutting and keep writing my poems, I haven't cut myself since, I think it's going to be 4 years on February 22. I'm doing good so far, even though I still want to cut, because I still crave for that kind of pain.
I'm still here, I'm still alive, fighting through this hell of a life, that I'am in. All the pain that I have to suffer, makes me want to cut my skin, but I write instead. I write what I feel, so deep inside of me. Some of you don't understand what I'm saying and how I'm feeling, but it's all right. It's my feeling's, so it would be hard for you to understand me.
You think I'm weak.
You think I'm weak, but your wrong. I'm pretty strong, for what I have been through. I'm still fighting through all the pain, that I had to suffer from all of them years, without any help.
1988 poem's, the same year I was born. I'll be 32 next month, I'm still young, but wish I could be in my 20s still.
I can care less.
"F" sex stuff! Can you stay around and not give up on me, while I try to fix myself?"F" sex stuff! Let's take a romantic walk through the cemetery, so I can show you where your going to be laying, if your going to be playing me! "F" sex stuff! If that's all you want from me, stay way from me! I don't need a sex addict in my life!"F" sex stuff! I want more than just that in a relationship! "F" sex stuff! That's all my life is all about, since I was small, I want a break from it, just have fun with less of it! I wish guys can understand my pain and understand I can care less about it! I know, I'm the only one who feels this way.
You can't see and feel.
You can see the smile on my face, but you can't see and feel the pain burning inside of me everyday, unless you can look into my eyes, in real life.
Daddy!!! I don't understand, why you thought I wanted to be molested and taught sexually things!? Why would you follow Satan and listen to his lies!? I was a little child, your only little girl, that you should of been protecting me from day one! What the hell was you thinking, when I got older, that I would be incest like you!? "F" No! That is sick, daddy! You destroyed me and made me scared and confused! You made me fall apart inside and I can't find away to heal myself to this day! I wanted a father, but you don't think me as your child! Some other family members, on both sides molested me too! Then I got raped in my sleep, from a family friend, because I won't give that one guy what he wanted from me! What did I do, to get treated like this!? Is it because I was shy and you guys thought I would stay quiet forever!? Daddy! You was wrong! My mom didn't get mad at me for what you did to me! She was very mad at you and she couldn't do anything about it! The stuiped cops and children youth put me in a stupid foster home, because of you! I wish I could heal and move on with my life, but it's hard for me to do so! I don't even know where to start, but keep on writing here! I tried counseling, but some of you know how they treat you! They only want the money and to listen to what they want to hear, that could be way they change the subject on me! If I was a counselor, I would listen to my patients! I want them to trust me, let them know that I care about them, that I won't judge them and listen to everything he or she has to say and want to say without being pressure into telling me! I won't change the subject, unless they want to talk about something else. I would like to heal them, from what they have on their mind, what they been through and maybe I can heal with them too, but that's just me!
I'm a country girl.
I'm a country girl who loves to go camping. Who loves to riding four wheelers in the mud. Who loves to fish and swim in the water, filled with fish, crabs, mud and rocks. Who loves to take hikes to the top, climb on rocks and trees. I'm not a preppy girl and I don't get grossed out by anything or cry over a broken finger nail. I'm just a country girl, that just wants to have fun.
Hey now! Watch what you say and do, I'm watching your every move and listening to what your saying very closely. I'm not going to be played this time, you can go and find yourself a hoe hoe and play your games together. I don't want to waste my time being around you, if I'm not what your looking for. I should be treated better than I do, but I don't, because some guys don't know how to treat a good girl right. I had big dreams, but I don't have a good guy to share it with. They always run to a better looking girl then me, but with a ugly soul covered up with a nice looking body and make-up to show how fake they really are.
Once upon a time.
Once upon a time, we was friends and having a lot of fun. Then months have passed, we started to catch feelings for each other and started dating. We hoped, we would last, but we didn't and we tried to move on with our lives without each other. That's the end of my story.