combatvet

US Army Combat Veteran with multiple tours in the the Middle East. I use Poetry as a healthy way to overcome my PTSD symptoms. IG: @808combatvet

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  • combatvet 9w

    Old Sheep Dog

    At one point we laughed in the face of danger and were willing to die
    From the face of danger or a fight to the death we would never shy
    We had a purpose in life, it was to protect the flock at any cost
    But time hasn’t been good to us, and sadly our health has been lost
    Gone are the days when we stood guard and ready every night
    Stood there proud and brave, ready to face danger at first sight
    Now we are forced to live here quietly amongst that very flock
    We used to defend; until the hands stop moving in our internal clock
    We are not alone there are others like us scattered all around
    But we tend to keep to ourselves with our eyes facing the ground
    For if we group together, the flock gets anxious and very scared
    Forgetting that because of us, to attack the wolves never dared
    Our minds and bodies are beaten, but we would do it all over again
    We bare our teeth not to scare, but because we are in so much pain
    The flock is afraid that one day we may snap and cause them harm
    So we isolate ourselves, to put them at ease and not raise any alarm
    Which makes us depressed, gone is the love, instead resentment to the flock
    We sit here alone, listening to the second hand, slowly saying Tick Tock.
    ©combatvet

  • combatvet 9w

    Home

    Lets build a home, where at the table everyone has a seat
    Especially our family that has found themselves on the street
    A safe haven for all of us, where one main thing is known
    We are here for each other, and you never have to do this alone.
    My friends I ask that you please be willing and able
    To open up and show others what you bring to the table
    We are a family and we need to be there for each other
    I only want to see each of us succeed and live, my brother.
    You have answers that I may have been looking around for
    And I may have some answers for you to help open a door
    We all have seen and done things that we are not proud of
    So lets be there for each other when things come to push and shove
    Reach out to each other, it doesn’t matter where they roam
    Tell them we are here and its time to finally come home

    ©combatvet

  • combatvet 9w

    Clouded Mind

    I’ve spent many years fighting our country’s war,
    The thrill that I might die makes me crave for more
    When my tour ended and I survived to come home
    It left me broken, and I push everyone away to be alone.
    I don’t think I just react, drink to drown my guilt
    And at the same time, I tear down the life that I’ve built
    Sold my soul, so many times in the years before
    That not even the devil is buying anymore
    Now in life, everyday I struggle trying to find my role
    Allowing it to suck me deeper into its eternal black hole
    The smile loved ones remember, has left without a trace
    When i wake up in the morning, I don’t recognize my own face
    Friends and family crying, as they try to get me to come home
    But they can’t break through to my heart covered in stone
    Will I ever be able to change and break this lonely life
    Or will I eventually push everyone away as I did with my wife?
    I guess my greatest achievement, is actually my greatest downfall
    And I am a monster, not that brave hero after all
    ©combatvet

  • combatvet 10w

    Be Strong and Brave

    Last night as I was going through my Instagram feed
    A new friend said some words that I think she knew I’d need.
    She reminded me that we are on this roller coaster called life,
    And that with the help from friends we can overcome any strife.
    She made it clear that it’s going to be filled with highs and lows,
    But balance is key as farther into life each of us slowly goes.
    Sure you’ll get discouraged, but its only a temporary phase,
    Hey even the sun shines bright on the cloudiest of days.
    Rain clouds will form and pour before you get any rainbows,
    You don’t need to be whole to shine bright, as the moon shows.
    No matter what you are going through just remember that it will pass,
    Just keep your head up, and if you need help please just ask.
    I hope these words have encouraged you as her’s did for me;
    So tell me what are some highs and lows you’ve had lately?
    ©combatvet

  • combatvet 10w

    PTSD

    I left the war but the war will never leave me
    So I struggle with my demons in a war called PTSD
    Many times I wanted to scream and cry, instead I whispered “I’m Fine”
    And watched as the demons control my fragile mind
    During the day the war is easier for me to bare and handle
    But at night my head hurts as my soul gets beat and mangled
    I’m trying my best to keep afloat so that i might come home
    But their grip is strong, and I always feel so very alone
    Every night passing out after a failed 4 am revival
    Because sadly the whiskey is always stronger than the Bible
    Alcohol is the only thing that quiets their damn madness
    As my dead brothers ride shotgun, in their eyes is only sadness
    Slowly I tear down this life that I fought for and built
    At the reins is my demon that my doctors call guilt
    He’s not alone he has his friends helping, you know depression and anxiety
    I’m strong but they are stronger, and take my feet out from under me
    I fear the only way to silence them, and finally quiet my head
    Is to stop hurting everyone I love, and give them peace because I am dead.

    ©combatvet

  • combatvet 10w

    Failure

    You are a failure, you aren’t doing anything worthwhile with your life
    The answer is that red, dripping from the edge of that shiny knife
    Everything would be soo much better if you did us all one last favor
    How long will you be selfish and that taste of hurt will you savor
    Everyday this is the mantra my demon screams at me hour after hour
    To silence him I don’t think I’ll ever muster up enough power
    I try to ignore him with jokes, work, and a really convincing false smile
    People think I’m doing alright, although I feel depressed all the while.
    Lied about my sanity for such a long time, that I’ve convinced myself
    And I’ve failed to see the truth, my sanity is really bottled up high on a shelf
    I want to talk and tell others the truth about what’s inside of me
    But I am afraid that if I do, I’ll get labeled as unstable and crazy
    So many times I wanted to shout “Help Me”, but it never came out
    Instead “I’m fine” was the lie I whispered, because I was afraid to shout
    I went to the library and took “How to Kill Yourself” off of the dusty rack
    The librarian smirked as she snickered “you’ll never bring this back”
    I told her sadly that’s where you are dead wrong my friend
    I’m such a failure that even my own life I can not end

    ©combatvet

  • combatvet 10w

    The Conversation

    I heard a familiar voice speak to me from above
    One that I have not heard in 11 long years
    “Brother do you know your cries drown out the morning dove?,
    As you try to stay afloat in your growing pool of tears
    I’m pale white as I sit straight up from lying in bed
    I must be dreaming, that voice is coming from a ghost
    Of my brother in arms who I know for a fact is dead
    He got called home, to man his last and final post
    Again he speaks “Bro, are you going to talk to me?”
    All I can say is Yes, it’s just you have caught me off guard
    I’ve missed you man, we haven’t talked in an eternity
    I cry at night because since you’ve left life has been hard
    So that’s how you honor me, living in a pit of sorrow and guilt?
    Bro wha you are doing is messed up, it just ain’t right
    All you have done is ruin the life I envy, the one you’ve built
    And I’m here to help you fix it, so you’ll be able to sleep at night
    Don’t cry for me, live for me, do the things that I cant anymore
    If you can begin to live, you’ll be able to handle any pain
    My death isn’t your fault, I was just a casualty of this war
    So forgive yourself, you have to for it’s driving you insane.

    ©combatvet

  • combatvet 10w

    The Puppet Master

    As the sun fades away, I feel him creeping
    He’s been there all day, out of my soul peeping
    His hands reach my mind, controlling me like a puppet
    And my so called life has become his living set
    I’m mentally drained, that I’m no longer writing the script
    He is, and the final act written is me in my own crypt
    My story has been rewritten, no longer is love in my life
    I mean he’s even taken from me my kids and my wife
    The backdrop he’s created is a dark and lonely road
    With a perfect storm looming, that was previously untold
    I hear him laughing, as he makes me destroy my life
    And now all alone i have to deal with this strife
    I call him by 2 different names, Pain and Guilt
    He won’t stop till he’s torn apart the life I have built.

    ©combatvet

  • combatvet 10w

    My Brother’s Eyes

    I look around at the faces of my brothers
    And hear the screams of sadness coming from crying mothers
    If you take time to look into his eyes
    You’ll see he’s soulless and a part of you dies
    He tries to hide how he feels from others
    Slowly he pushes away his family and his lover
    Not knowing how he is going to handle his troubles
    He looks for help in a bottle and the drunk nights doubles
    Can’t close his eyes at night, no longer can he sleep
    For when he does images of days at war begin to creep
    Very slowly the life in his body begins to disappear
    His vision starts to Blu-ray’s his eyes fill up with tears
    A bottle of whiskey lies on the ground, with a hole in his head
    He found a way out, and feels much better, for he is now dead

    ©combatvet

  • combatvet 10w

    The Act

    At night he stares off into the desert skies
    Sitting alone in the dark to hide his teary eyes
    Off in the distance he’s hoping to find the power
    To keep going and make it through hour after hour
    People around him think he feels like he’s at home
    Truth is, it’s all an act, that’s why he feels so alone
    The act is for his men, so they have a rock to hold onto
    And they don’t join him in the abyss he has fallen into
    I can’t let them see, how I really feel, he tells himself
    The lonesome feeling he bottles up and puts it on the shelf
    So he continues the Act, so his men never feel alone
    And alive they all will together make it back home.

    ©combatvet