Have you ever felt lostin a room full of people or when you sit with the one you love.An aloofness engulfs you chilling your spine making you wonder if anyone else feels like this or is it just you who can't seem to enmesh with the other or even your own self at timesA frozen mess of unsaid wordsand unexpressed thoughts icicles with jagged edges refusing to melt.©completeme
You had me
You had me,whole, complete, as much as there was of me to be had, yet you chose to destroy mepiece by piece tear me downmy frail ego lying defeated and beaten you had meyou failed to love mefailed spectacularly
The mystic swims in the same water the psychotic drowns.
The pandemic has given me a lot of time to think. A lot. The only issue is that it has brought up a lot of issues from the past. You see I had just broken up with my ex of 7 years just before the lockdown got imposed. So I had basically a lot of time on my hands to feel every emotion you can find under the sun. Whilst introspecting, I went to the depths of my soul and the life I had lived so far. My childhood, my teens, my college years. 30 years of hurt and insecurities were put under the microscope and dissected effectively. The pandemic had become a past-emic for me and it made me realize how much I had held within me. Every mean, hurtful remark, every insidious thing done by someone I had trusted, every act of neglect had somehow imprinted itself on my soul and I had been using these negative emotions to shape my reactions to everything. I got triggered and easily and reacted rather than responded. I had never healed, just hidden the hurt beneath layers of experiences.No more. Things must change. While I am grateful for the lessons I have learned in life, I do know that I need to stop acting from a place of hurt and negativity. I forgive the individuals who hurt me , while keeping in mind that forgiveness doesn't mean friendship. I realize that every one is at a different stage of evolution and their thoughts and actions don't reflect on who I am as a person. I realize that I do actually love myself and would never act from the place of emptiness anymore. I wouldn't seek validation from others, allowing me along with my shadow self to coexist peacefully. I will let go of the hurt and realize that it doesn't have to shape up my entire life. I can still have a happy life and happy relationships with others. I promise to place my own well being over others, not out of selfishness but because I recognize that the first and foremost duty I have is towards myself and there is no shame in it. Transformation is possible and I embrace it whole heartedly.©completeme