We don't choose our endings. They are bestowed upon us in words or in silence. You can only ask for one in this lifetime. And yet each day you are gifted with one.
Feelings disappear like the droplets of water resting on a hot pan. In a moment the traces of their existence are wiped away. You have been spending a life trying to not let the sprinkles of emotions bother you. Shutting people out before they get a chance of knowing the real you.
You feel that a part of you isn't worth looking out for. It's better to lose it inside your mind than let it venture out. Vulnerabilities aren't meant to exist inthe real world. Because "if they think that you care, they will walk all over you." (Harvey Spectre isn't wrong). You are tired of people walking all over you.
Some scars are self inflicted, they are the cost of dreaming too big. Few things will never be yours, no matter how hard you try. But the ones that are meant to stay will find a way. In memories you live and in realities you drown. There isn't an inbetween, not that you know of.
In silence you could be loved, in silence you could be forgotten. There isn't a possibility that can't exist in silence. Your tears, your secrets, your unhealed world and your thoughts all exist in between these silent moments. It's a companion that understands the real you, when people don't.
Someday someone will call you out on your bluff, and that day this existence will be lost to memories of everything you chose to never look back upon. A lowered guard will not hurt so much, your smile will not search for reasons, your scars will disappear and your silence will not be a lonesome place again. All you have to do is stay and accept the love that you deserve.
Ps. Love is a reminiscence of what stays behind when everything is lost. Sometimes it's disguised as pain.
I'm too tired of smiling at the way things are lost. Now it doesn't matter whether those words are a part of the silent truth or wailing lies.
Sometimes I'm too broken to be afraid of being broken again. It doesn't heal and I'm too tired of pretending that it has.
I don't mourn the breaths I've wasted upon superficial happiness. Each night my mind begins to weave old thoughts and I keep on draining them.
Waiting to hold onto these moments, as they came, I forgot to bid a farewell to the memories that stayed. Some caring does tear us apart. But what shredded us more is the forgetting that's still left behind.
Ps. To the voice that's lost in shouting out at the universe. Hope that you become silent one day, just to find your solace.
Words were merely chosen as an escapism from the silence that fills this night. Soon they became an excuse to be sleepless and tired all the time. They hurt and they heal, just the right ones are enough to keep some emotions alive.
Sunsets are lost in contemplating feelings, and still one will be uncertain about what should be felt and what must remain unfelt.
You accept the way life is, and that's how you convince yourself that you deserve to stay like this. Hopeful eyes and a heart filled with happiness, what could go wrong ? May be everything, just like it always does.
Ruins and wreckages are a part of life. Yet, yours seems to be filled with more of it. Every grief deserves to be held onto, a little longer than usual. Before it's time to close your eyes and call it a night.
The things that break can't be fixed without giving away a part of you. What if there aren't any parts left to be given? All that remains behind is an individual broken to the last bits, smiling at the way people gift each other the scars that are left behind for a lifetime. Never healing, just bleeding.
Easily spelt "good byes" are better than unspoken truths. Because feelings are just phases that pass by.
Ps. Get some sleep. You don't deserve the silence this night has to offer.
"Acceptance" is something that arrives too late. Perhaps, "denial" comes before any other emotion. Remember the good old law of Murphy- if anything can go wrong, it will. There isn't anything you can do about the wrong things that have happened in the past. But you can always work for a better tomorrow. Today, the hope for tomorrow seems to be blurred.
The choices that we make define us, so do the ones we don't. But nobody tells us that. Be picky when it comes to yourself. Selflessness can only hurt you in ways you can't really heal. Because deep down you want others to feel and perceive things in the way you do. That's what makes you miserable. There will always be a "somebody else" who makes them feel things differently, perhaps there will always be someone better than you.
Pushing people away is far more easier than holding onto them. It takes real humans to understand and accept each other for the way they are. We are bound by our emptiness, more than our love. Filling up voids and creating new ones, that's what the journey is all about. (If there is a journey at the end of it all.) Or are we drifting from one euphoric moment to another.
Somethings aren't meant to be, but that doesn't stop us from weaving dreams around illusions. It ends just the way you had planned. But, that doesn't stop it from hurting all along. Everything will be okay, eventually you will stop sprinkling salts on your wounds. Let them heal into new scars. Don't expect someone to heal you. You choose the pains that you deserve.
Soon the memories will fade and one day you will forget about this part called life.
Few shades of emotions are like the fading dusk. Merging into the darkness and disappearing for a while.
Few stories are silently narrated to these empty pages. Nothing spills out of these lips and yet everything is lost to this oblivion. It's like a pleasure of crying in the before the world without the fear of being looked down on.
Few moments change into memories. Memories blemish with time, just like these stars that disappear underneath the sunlight. Their absence doesn't disrupt their existence. You continue to exist in them, even in your absence.
Few feelings are only felt in moments of separation. The moon and the ocean only come closer each night after being separated by the living daylights.
Ps. Maybe one day, they will hold on and call you their home.
This cold night seems to rob the warmth of freshly brewed emotions. Those words are lost to silence and conversations fade away with feelings.
The mist slowly rises from the cup, carrying few vapours of the sweetness that once resided in this black coffee. Few things just disappear into thin air, leaving behind no trail of their existence. Some call it home, others name it a lucid dream.
Few muses are drenched in the droplets of rain. Blemished by the touch of nature, they seek to leave new footsteps on the old sands of memories. It's difficult to wipe away the pain of yesterday, let alone accept another pain of tomorrow.
Endings have their own ways of holding on. Overburdening the new beginnings, they have their own ways of reminding us of our worthlessness.
Fading moments give rise to new memories. It's difficult to let these memories fade. Acceptance of feelings only leads to pain.
You live in memories of things that never happened to you. Calling delusions your home and portraying realities as fiction, has kept you alive in those words. It's time to let go.
Few lies are precious to the soul. They are the foundations of happiness that may never come. It's in these false hopes we quench our thirst of wanting more. It's time to see things for the way they are supposed to be seen.
Every time you decide to look ahead, a part of you drags you back. Soon you give up on those dreams as if your eyes were never destined to see them. It's time to wipe away those tears and begin again.
Somethings never come to an end. Maybe it's good or maybe it's bad, but somewhere in between of this chaos everything makes sense. You get to decide which things matter and which ones don't. It's time to hold onto the things that stayed by your side, when no one did.
Sometimes silence weighs heavily upon your mind. More than the words you could ever speak. There are many memories trapped within your mind. The good ones are often outweighed by the bad ones. It's going to be fine, just not tonight or the nights to come.
Remembrance has a way of binding you to your realities. Things don't work out as usual. There will always be a story that could have ended better. What wouldn't you give to change it?
Looking at the skies, you seek to find someone to blame. Heaven, stars or God, you don't really know even if they know you exist. But, their existence can't be denied by you. Spirituality gives hope to the fallen ones, yet you wonder how much more can you fall to find a bit of hope.
If autumn and summer could find a way to stay together, would the rains still fall to wash away their dreams ? You really hope that your smile and dreams aren't broken up by your past. Still, sometimes a droplet of emotion finds its way towards the crimson hope and ruins it's sweetness.
The aroma of eden can't find it's way to the barren lands of netherworld. Yet, you hope to find solace amongst the pieces of tomorrow, knowing that you weren't meant to taste the forbidden fruit of peace again.
Some words will never feel like a home. No matter how hard you try, you will keep on moving away to others, like a vagabond. Somehow lost in the old lanes of memories, you seem to be too drunk upon the idea of love. Looking out for poetries carrying a pinch of peace and the rhymes of a solitude.
You don't really remember making your first wish, but it was upon a fallen eyelash. Since then you have wished upon fallen things. Be it fallen stars or fallen people, every time you never hesitated to get a broken heart.
Miniscule parts of ourselves break each day and it never really matters. But, one night everything does, when you realise that you have lost it all. There are no pieces here, but just an emptiness that has learnt to coexist with the darkness around.
There are a lot of emotions felt with the infinities left behind. John Green seems to be incorrect. Some infinities aren't bigger than other infinities. Overfelt infities are bigger than unfelt infinities - Courtesy of your remembrance.
Perhaps few words will always stay behind, reminding you about the way it feels to let go, even though you felt like holding on.
@shashagilbert_ and @zohiii, you guys are the best, so now handle my cheese ;) _____________________________________________
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon, Howling like the wolves, cause you made me swoon; My shadow seems lonely, Why don't you come and set it free; They say we're two sides of a coin, Like branches on a tree let's just entwine; My mind is messed up, In my heart your smile is stuck; There's someone in my head but it's not me Oh! It's you, why can't you see?
Let's dive deep into the ocean, Dance under the stars in slow motion; I'll win each and every war, If you promise me the brightest star; Give me a chocolate tart, In exchange for my naive heart; Why is it so hard, For you, I became a bard; There's someone in my head but it's not me, Oh! It's you, why can't you see?
Hear my symphony under the rain, Let your whispers wash away my pain; With your words make me high Like birds floating in the sky; Let's just be two lovers under the moonlight, Nothing but a beautiful future in our sight; I sent you a paper boat, For you are the poem I wrote; There's someone in my head but it's not me, Oh! It's you, why can't you see?
The lines "There's someone in my head but it's not me" and "I'll see you on the dark side of the moon" are taken from the song Brain Damage by Roger Waters.
When I shut my eye, With a hope of falling asleep When a memory full of people run over my brain As though a poem you learned first, And happily recited to whoever asked you too.
To all the happy ones I remember they arrive as my eyes shut off. They make my smile , And sob for not living with those memories anymore.
When they make their way up to sadness With half a glass of wine , And Pablo Neruda's 21 poems of love I start to read
You come through memories of wall, And knock on the doors of past Each time my tongue read something that meant love.
You never stayed at the door, Neither do I open it now.
I gulp you down With the letters that reminds me of you Melancholy of the thoughts You desired to stay above them. Below the throat above the chest, A pain each night i wish to resist With every tear that comes crawling to you
Cutting of the wrist, Was meant for you to go. For all the blood that dripped, You gave a new pain to bear .
(The earlier one got deleted by mistake, so here again, pardon this clumsy being :)
When the thunder rumbles in anger and takes over the city without showing any pity, when the trees shriek in horror yet find it strangely pleasing, when the winds shed their soft veils and pirouette mercilessly, that is when I find the world soothing, a myterious beauty, for it is a time when all the monstrous screams, cruel profanities and judging glares drown and sink, and I find the world soothing.
When the sky is a dull grey unlike the shallow white bluff, a gloomy shadow hovers over the plane and makes everything seem sombre, and everything looks like a polaroid from a black and white film, that is when I find the silence eerily calming, for it is when the sorrow fades and nostalgia becomes charming.
When the laughter starts waning, the creases on your skin straighten up and the twinkle in your eyes becomes lightless, that is when I find the echoes playing a fluent tune, for I know, the memories stored would someday be served as a boon.
When you finally finish a painting and look at your hands filled with shades that somehow blend and create a masterpiece out of the artist, that is when I find the colours intriguing, for they remind me of a radiant rainbow that rises after a hellish storm and tells us how all strong things take time to heal.
When you are so immersed in a novel that the world around seems to be a soft mist, when you think fiction is better than the harsh reality, that is when I find the beauty, hidden in the words on the rusty pages, for they calm my rages.
I find beauty in small things, for I've realised that is the only way I can spread my wings.