Will: Not without a heater and some serious smelling salts, no…
Sean: That's what I'm saying, Will. You'll never have that kind of relationship in a world where you're afraid to take the first step because all you're seeing are the negative things that might happen ten miles down the road.
- Good Will Hunting
Ugh touché but in my defense if you know how the idea of soulmates evolved from Plato's "Symposium" , it's nothing but a sham but is enough to level the dependency paradox Anyhow it's a GREAT MOVIE PLS WATCH IT
I found a shelter in you. Like a refugee looking for rags to wrap himself in and twigs to feed an empty stomach. I found so much rapture concentrated in a single being, when I found you. I found my own sun to sprinkle sunshine on the perished garden of mine. I found my moon to gaze at, to turn to when the world smothered salt on my fresh wounds. I found my healing, my medicine that didn't taste bitter, for a change after a long period of waiting and losing hope. I found a confidante, to share my trauma to my guilty pleasures ; a friend who was always the better one amid you and me. I found my everything bottled up in a human body which I loved so much that I would crawl on the fire to keep him safe. I found a love that I wanted to grow old with, share the stories of my pimples to my wrinkles. When I sit beside a window on a freezing cold winter morning, with a cup of coffee that always reminds me how much you adored this beverage, I draw the initials of your name on the foggy window. When I sit beside the same window on a scorching hot day, the sweat trickling down my face and the slight sun burn on my skin reminds me of the tan lines on your face, running from below your left eye to your right eye. When I think of you today, I think of a lot more things. You made me feel things that I was never capable to feeling. You brought changes in me that wouldn't have happened, hadn't you been a part of my life. When I think of you, I close my eyes and almost feel your soft fingertips grazing my wet eyelashes ; I can't think of you without my tears squealing how much I miss you. When I think of you, I wish to freeze the time and let the winds carry me back to you, to the shawl that rescued me of the frostbite. When I think of you, I wish to dissolve into the time passing by so that I wouldn't need to breathe the air that you didn't breathe. When I think of you, I crave to turn you into a song that I could play on a loop until I was driven away from my sanity. " आज जाने की ज़िद न करो " I can hear myself pleading the drenched pillow every alternate night.
"Hold me, once, twice, thrice. Hold me till your arms go numb" I whisper to you smiling and disappearing into the mist in every nightmare that wakes me up, grasping for air.
No, I don't ever wish to see you bear the pain that I adorn like a tattoo on my heart. No, I don't believe the people who tell me that I'd find someone else and just be fine. They don't know what it feels like to love someone more than the possible limits. You'll remain within me. You'll live inside my body. You can stay in me, you shall. You will be reflected in each genuine smile of mine, the one that revert the sorrows of living a life without you. Not today, not in this life but perhaps in a life beyond our understanding, you will love me twice more than I love you.
Missing you comes in waves and tonight I am drowning.
Tiptoeing my way to your side of the bed Facing your back I absorb the silence I remember the summer I realised How difficult can life be Sitting in a room of utter darkness With every consecutive blink What your eye see And your eyelid hide And what goes through you is nothing but mere darkness Tracing your shadows with my fingers on the sheet I hear your heavy breaths I see you weeping with the rain With every drop traveling the infinity outside Making its presence felt By stopping by our window Instead of the ground I see your tears tracing the same path With that one little tear drop Finding its way down your cheek and hanging onto the edge And slowly moistening the white sheet The chills can be felt at this side of the bed too But how would you know? As I only see your back I think we are trying to not get drenched Having found our homage in this two way tunnel With you and I sitting at the two ends blocking the shadows from casting our pain distance between these two ends wouldn't hurt I think But I'll take the first step I scoot a little Put my arm around you A little tighter this time And close my eyes
Yes. Mom. Yes dad. I am on my phone 24*7 , I lay in bed from dusk till dawn, I am not " lazy " or " useless ". I am fuckin depressed. I hate being surrounded by people. I hate when a random aunty comes and tells me that I'm too young for these dark circles. I'm too young to lock myself in my room all day. Every day. Ohh. I am too young to be in pain?
Yes mom. Yes dad. My grades are falling. Instead of calling me a disappointment, can you at least FOR ONCE ask " why ?" Or " Are you okay ? ". Oh look mom, your brightest daughter is now surrounded by darkest of demons.
Yes mom. Yes dad. There's a reason why I hate that uncle. Why I keep cursing him. Did you ever even try to read my eyes? Everytime you invite him for dinner with his dear family, there's a reason why I don't like greeting them. As much as I want to, I just can't even stop hating his daughter. Her smile somehow carries the filth of her father.
Yes mom. Yes dad. I've failed to love. I still am traumatized because of your fights. Dad, I fear loud voices. I am terrified of angry men. They all remind me of you. Your anger. I'm uncomfortable around men of any age, any origin.
Yes mom. Yes dad. My 3 am thoughts make me crumble on my cold bed. Do you know your daughter is dealing with this all alone? Your daughter pushes away anyone who tries to love her. Should I explain why? Would you understand this time? Because I am done with the same question repeated over and over again. " What possibly could a person face at my age? "
Should I tell you, how ruthlessly my body has been treated ? Should I tell you how disturbing your fights were for a 8 year old child. Dad, Should I tell you ? Everytime you yell at my brother and hurt him , I am slowly losing my faith in humanity?
No mom. No dad. I'm not telling you any of this. I cannot end up hurting you, by telling you how badly I've been treated since childhood. Because at the end of the day, I know how much you love me. Dad, I know you'd go and kill him. Mom, I know you would be terrified for life for my two younger sisters.
So mom, and dad. If you cannot help me with any of this, then lemme die in peace. Each day. Every day.