"Are you scared of death" "No,But i am scared to leave the ones i love" "So you want them to die with you" "Never.I Just want to live with them"
To the summer of 2016,
Until the sunday of last week of june 2016,"Death for me was nothing but an entity that exists just in my half grilled poems and raw stories.Until that sunday I was a free soul who had mistaken the temporary smiles,lives to be permanent.I thought that they are with me for years so they'll stay with me forever. "You underestimated the power of death"He said "No i didn't!! I never expected anything in the first place.Though i agree that for years i was living in a bubble that never made me feel that someday i'll be to on the verge of losing people who i shared my life with.I never felt that i underestimated death."I am no one to expect anything from death-The entity that is meant to steal precious humans from your life.The entity that gets sadistic pleasure on seeing 1000 people crying and getting destroyed.But I guess i could have been made myself a little stronger that i already am to bear the loss that is planning to ruin me.They say if someone dies it doesn't affect much.You cry for first few days and then you move on.I never did.And i think i never will.The loss is so unbearable to bear that the one died ruined me to a level where the last resort is surrendering yourself to pain and that's what i did for today,for tomorrow and for the years to come.
To the summer of 2017,
I hate summers.Not just the date that took something so precious away from me but the whole season left me tasteless.You know the kind of taste that used to leave a sweetness on your tongue now fills your tastebuds with the bitter bitterness.Moving on can never be easy.I mean when you are so used to see your house filled with smiles,laughter,Unnecessary chattering,leg pulling and suddenly you realise it was never there.Maybe it was your fault you took them seriously.You thought that your kitchen where your amma cooks will always linger with the same spices and you'll get the same taste from the food forever.There you went wrong.Neither the spices enter the kitchen now nor the food that leaves the kitchen at dinner is the same.People say how can i lock the kitchen with those multiple locks but i wish i had the courage to tell them that i don't have any power left in me to change the things that were once in the kitchen in the same form you left them.I can never change them.Changing them means somehow pushing you out from that small yet homely kitchen.And I will never do that.Never Amma.
To the summer of 2018,
Two seasons of summer passed without you asking me if i had breakfast,if i had lunch with my fav salad,If i had dinner.You promised to stay forever but you should have promised me that there is nothing called forever or you should have told me promises are meant to be broken.I remember how you used to massage my scalp with your wrinkled palms narrating me the incidents of my childhood and then your laughter is infectious amma.It takes few seconds for your laughter to get spread in the four directions of our home.I miss the sundays when you used to make brunch and that too all my favourites.I swear i miss everything.From your wrinkled palms to your cute nose.From your fake anger to your beautiful laughter.He says i might have underestimated death that's why it took something precious away from me.But my answer is still the same that i never expected something in the first place though you might have prepared me for handling the worst which you never did.I hated happy endings now because if there is a happy ending then it might not be the end and it can be possible that you are mistaking the interval to be the end.I did and now all i m left with nothing.Absolutely nothing.
Death is what i never imagined i'll ever cross my paths with but i did and somehow i lost what was meant to stay with me forever."Forever"This ends up making me laugh louder and louder and louder until it takes the form of crying and then all i am left with is four walls to stare at me and i stare back at them.This pattern will stay for forever until death knocks my door once again but this time for me.We"ll reunite again.I swear and i trust death on this.