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  • ennovy 10w

    modern teen

    somedays I can feel suicide
    I can feel its hunger
    i can taste the neverending desire for more.
    its black
    like tar
    and it wraps around you throat to take your breathe
    it swallows me whole on days when the clouds suffocates the sun/earth.
    I've always wanted to fly
    feel the air pulling at my chest
    flying faster and faster
    as I get closer to reality
    the exhilaration
    the adrenaline.
    to fly and to never have to touch the ground again is a gift I'd be willing to die for.
    sitting here question my life's worth
    wondering if I hang myself to this shower rod will they steal heal my body
    wondering if I throw myself off this balcony will I still wake up
    I wish I had someone to tell these thoughts to
    who'd understand
    know im not crazy
    why is it crazy to not wanna live?
    Why am I mental when I dream of death?
    We're all owed death and choice
    so why when I lust for my right to choose to die
    end this dying breed of my mine, I'm deemed unstable.
    I feel the water on my skin
    as I float to the bottom
    feels relaxing
    feels calming
    the bottom catches me.
    rope holds my body
    exposes my dirty secrets
    throw me in a pit of fire
    hang my skin to dry
    take out my soul and incinerate my body
    tell the world that I'm the last of my kind
    I know what this world has set for me
    I know what was planned for me
    I know that my people have been cursed
    deuteronomy says it so
    burn my hands off
    cut my vocal chords so theres no scream
    with a disease that no one can reverse
    I dont want to live a life where I'm not eternally happy
    I don't want to have to question my next steps
    I dont want to think about the worst
    there are nights where my demons choke me
    they squeeze the joy out of me
    in the morning I wake exhausted from spending the night with my demons.