9th December, 2020
Have you been stung by the passion bug yet? Ikigai, purpose, life mission, inner calling, many names, same trap. I've been sitting by my mind all through this year, waiting for the bells to ring, but it's only been one hotch-potch of clutter and chaos.
There are a variety of things I enjoy working on but I have absolutely no lucidity, on which one I must pursue. The only clarity I can envision, is that if I discover the skill that I must hone, I will put in the work to master it. Hard work doesn't faze me anymore. The decision fatigue, from not settling for the seemingly best choice in the moment, is what tires me out.
My efforts are all over the place and I can't seem to find the sweet spot to channelise my energies on. Without that kind of focus, it only feels like I'm always running out of time. Is it only me or have you also felt like this?
So far, I am looking at it as yet another puzzle to decode. Just like in a game of sudoku, I'm hoping to arrive at the right answer, by the method of elimination. I know what I don't want to do and I should keep trying the things that interest me, till I learn otherwise.
In a way, I consider myself lucky that I have no pressing exigency to work a 9 to 5 job for my basic needs. Back in the dank days, I always sold myself this sob story that I don't have enough freedom or time to do, what I want to do. That I'm whiling away my intelligence, my skill in a set up with no clear challenges except staying alive, happy and sane. Clearly, I underestimated the perils of a purposeless existence.
Managing a home is a full time job especially with young kids running around. However, when I looked beneath it's surface, I figured how we lie to ourselves to stay insulated in the bubble of comfort, occasionally pointing fingers on destiny, to avoid taking responsibility.
I'll show you what I mean. I have 24 hours to work with. Let's assume I sleep for 8 hrs. I know that's a joke but let's give me that buffer. An average job lasts an 8 hr shift and I'm gonna start there. I analysed it. Even with all the cooking, cleaning, maintenance, and managing schedules of everyone at home, 8 hrs should be enough. The challenge however is that my 8hr shift is staggered throughout the day. There is no clear beginning & end to it and therefore the alloted time chunks leak into each other. It's one heck of a challenge, but with enough discipline, I still have another 8 hours to identify.
Let me now eliminate personal time, time to eat, time to play, scroll, converse, phone calls, exercise, meeting family and friends etc. On an average it should take about 3-4 hrs. That leaves me with the last 4 hrs to find.
In his book Mastery, Robert Greene says that it takes roughly 10000 hours of apprenticeship, for us to master a skill. That could mean practise of about 4 hrs for the next 10 years. Seems like a lot of time, but for once, I'm ready for the long haul. I just have to make it sustainable for me to do this on a day to day basis.
With no excuse for time, let's head back to the original question, of how to figure where to hit the hammer? It is said that the clues to our most natural inclinations are revealed in our childhood. As a child, we did all those things we were drawn to, before society drew out a different trajectory for us.
That brings me back to the drawing board, to unearth some clues from where I can begin to join the dots. As a child, I always loved puzzles. What bigger puzzle can I crack, than to figure out what I'm meant to do in this short time on Earth. And then get it fuckin done!
Anyway! What is your story? Are you clouded by ambiguity or can you see where you're headed? Somehow, I can sense the restlessless in your soul and the dust in your eyes. Just like me. Perhaps you and me, we were never meant to be friends, but rivals, to push each other in this pursuit of mastery. So brace yourself to accelerate on the fifth gear. It's gonna be one hell of a ride. On your marks, get set, go!