HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
I took a walk down the street in the night
Although it was wrong for a fellow of my status, it felt very right
It was one of the moments that made me feel, though demented, very alright
The moon shone so bright.
As I took the turn into my palace
I heard a voice that made my heart race
For when I looked around, no human figure I could trace
I could see no one so it was worthless to bring out my mace
But then coming from the eyes of one of the palace's gargoyle was a light
Oh did it give me such a fright
I froze although I wanted to take flight
I shut my eyes so I could not see whatever horrors were in sight
Then the voice came again
It gave my chest such a pain
I had lost all powers of my brain
Both minor and main
It said relax dear
I was bombarded by fear
I wondered, what did I just hear?
I must be hallucinating a lot this year.
I looked back to confirm that it was just I & the creature
And indeed it was just I and the sculpture
Then my mind must be preyed on by hallucination's vulture
As was with my nature.
But I was incorrect, thought-wise
For of the realest reality, this experience did comprise
It was not a disguise
As I had thought otherwise.
It flew off into the dark clouds above
For a few seconds, it did hove
And then with a calmness as was characteristic with a dove
It came down into the nearby grove.
To that place, I quickly rush
And what I saw gave my fears both a license and a hush
A license for there was the great disparity between the creature in the sky & the one that stood now before me in the bush
From my world of what I considered real, it gave me a push.
The gargoyle had turned into a beautiful damsel
I stared in surprise a while and shut my eyes in its lid cell
For looking at her made me unwell
And for the task ahead, I needed to be well.
She stood there in the nude
Regardless of the fact that she was before a dude
I could not open my eyes for I thought it rude
To stare at her in her state so crude.
I ask that she covers herself with some leaves from the garden therein
So that I am not moved to sin
For I must admit, seeing her that way made my celibating containment grow thin
But I was not going to throw away so easily my win.
She covers herself up in the Adam and Eve style
And then pulling close to me, she was agile
She looked like one troubled with so much bile
Like one with a complaint to file.
Looking at her, I ask what the matter is
That plagued so much her bliss
And gave her such a fiss
Clearly, she needed a liss.
I was glad and at the same time terrified to be chosen for such a task.
I ask that she does, in the moment, bask
And see me as her knight although without a cask.
To talk to me about her burden I ask.
Looking at me, her lips, she does restrain
But then she is betrayed by her pain.
She thought to herself, "If I would hide it away from him, what would be my gain?"
And with that, she begins to drain.
"Christabel is my name
I was before now, a dame
At the top of my game
But it seems as though I had made an error that was very lame
For one certain day, while the sun was at its brightest,
The queen summons my entire family and I as one whom, her throne, slightest.
My skin at that moment felt tightest
For I thought of the worst reason for the summons even when I wanted to think of the best.
She looked at us with so much disgust
With the fury on her face, she was ready to turn us to dust.
She however said she was just
But that to punish us, she must.
Hence she took in her hand, her scepter
And stretched out, she opened us all to this chapter.
My entire family and I were made gargoyles thereafter
She & the other knights burst out in uncontrolled laughter.
Shortly after, she sent for the royal sculptor
Asking that he with his expertise, an engineering of perfection, with us doctor
Taking us up, he does as instructed by our captor
Four of those sculptures there are the family of Niator.
Please for our sakes, prevail on the queen to relieve us of this punishment
That our lives may be given a refurbishment
I pledge on behalf of the entire family, never would there be a repeat of that moment,
Whatever it was that caused the Queen to order on us, such torment.
With that, I storm off into the palace in fury
I was so mad, I could the entire palace bury
Up to my mother's room, I hurry
To demand an explanation for this heartlessness's flurry.
She is surprised and terrified as she finds the matter rather gory
That very night, she summons her court from chief of special duties to jury
Tabling before them my query
For as expected, it gave her so much worry
After deliberating on-end,
A conclusion they finally attend
That they are sure would give the matter, a positive bend.
Asking the current chief magician to, his hand, lend.
At the instruction of the queen, he does on the matter, descend.
Out to them, his arms he does stretch
Some magical words on the papers of our hearing, he does sketch
That he may, their human essence from where it was locked in, fetch
And the affliction meted on them, letch
In a little while, they all take the regular human form
What we see take us by storm
We are reprimanded in astonishment's dorm.
They are all naked before our eyes
The royal fashion designer quickly brings forth some clothes even though not their size
That they may buse them to do to their nakedness, otherwise
Having fallen in love with your mother,
I tell the queen I want only her and no other.
I ask that all plans to make us one, she does further
And in a few days, in the royal ballroom, we all gather.
We are right there joined in matrimony by the priest
He would not call it holy for he still considered your mother a beast
But regardless, that could not twist my wrist
For I still considered myself as one topping the lucky list.
And that, my dear children is how I met your mother,
This beautiful woman.